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Very single, my decision but it still sucks

Posted by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 12:25 PM
  • 12 Replies
I had been on & off with my bf for over 5 years. After being treated like crap, cheated on, lied to, abusive, I finally said 100% enough was enough I can't get over & move past all that. He says again that he will prove that he's changed, he wants us and the family we had been talking about for the last 5 years. He was getting to the point of annoying, wanting to see me, talk to me, pretend it will all work out. I kept telling him I can't get over all that shit. Well last night he was suppose to come over to talk about how he's finally going to court to fight for his son (his ex was a huge source of trouble for us). He's been coming over, even though I've been telling him not to. I just have pretty much given up fighting with him over it b/c it was pointless & just caused more stress. Last night he ended up texting me that he wasn't coming over, with no explanation. He's been texting me when he gets off work, every morning, through out the day. It was being annoying to me b/c he was just saying the same BS as always that he's proving to me, he loves me, we aren't over, etc. Thats stopped too. I guess he's gotten the clue. But it kind of sucks at the same time. It didn't take long for him to just give up on us. I guess I wasn't that important to him, which I guess I knew with his other assjole actions. But it still hurts. :(
by on Jan. 28, 2014 at 12:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 12:31 PM
2 moms liked this

It sounds like you made the right decision. Hold your head high and move on.

Tsmommy106
by Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 12:40 PM
I'm trying. My heart just hurts right now. I've loved him since JrHigh & he was toxic then. We didn't talk for years & have been in a toxic relationship from day 1. I know I need to move on. I know it is best for me and my son. I just really fear dating again. I haven't dated since HS. I'm sure a lot has changed in the last 11 years. Dating him was easy, we had done it before, we just fell right back in it. Idk how to date someone new. Or where to find someone new. I for have time for dating.
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 1:13 PM

It's hard, don't get me wrong. I dated then married my ex from age 21 to 35. He was the aggressor in the begining so I just followed suit. I finally developed some strength when he was injured in 05. After that I had become so independent he didn't like it. Now I am even more independent and starting to date a man who is very much a southern gentleman who I don't know know if he knows the meaning of the word aggressive. After being married to such an aggressive (dating/marriage wise) person it has been an adjustment for me.

One thing I did and have told many people to do, write a list. The list should contain everything that your ex did that you did not like. Post it on your fridge, on your phone, at work; anywhere that you might start to miss him. When you do, look at it, remind yourself of the crap he put you through. It makes the days a little easier.

Tsmommy106
by Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 2:37 PM
Thanks. I will definitely have to make that list. I've already taken the pic of us off my homescreen, his # off my favorites list. Now I need the few things he has at my house gone. I guess I'll have to forget the $2,000+ he owes me.

Quoting krisnkids:

It's hard, don't get me wrong. I dated then married my ex from age 21 to 35. He was the aggressor in the begining so I just followed suit. I finally developed some strength when he was injured in 05. After that I had become so independent he didn't like it. Now I am even more independent and starting to date a man who is very much a southern gentleman who I don't know know if he knows the meaning of the word aggressive. After being married to such an aggressive (dating/marriage wise) person it has been an adjustment for me.

One thing I did and have told many people to do, write a list. The list should contain everything that your ex did that you did not like. Post it on your fridge, on your phone, at work; anywhere that you might start to miss him. When you do, look at it, remind yourself of the crap he put you through. It makes the days a little easier.

SwitchbladeMama
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 3:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh my goodness woman, you need to get your head up and realize this person was NEVER going to change. I wouldn't be surprised if he still tries to come back. Guys like that will continue to do that stuff until they find another girl who will put up with it.

Start believing that you deserve respect and someone 100x better than this guy. Until that happens you're probably going to continue to struggle with it. Try doing things for yourself to make you feel better, go out for a girl's night, get a haircut, something!


Monsita
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 3:21 PM
So sorry!!

Time will help you to heal.

Allow yourself right now, to go through all of those emotions you are feeling...it is ok. Soon you will be ready to start a serious training of moving on.
Frances0923
by Bronze Member on Jan. 28, 2014 at 3:36 PM
2 moms liked this

Why are you so concern in dating? You should be focusing on moving on in a sense of healing and finding activites that you enjoy, spending time with your child and reconnecting with old friends. Screw the dating scene as of now. (nothings chane btw Lol) still the usual can I get your number, IG, Facebook and KIK crap. 

Quoting Tsmommy106: I'm trying. My heart just hurts right now. I've loved him since JrHigh & he was toxic then. We didn't talk for years & have been in a toxic relationship from day 1. I know I need to move on. I know it is best for me and my son. I just really fear dating again. I haven't dated since HS. I'm sure a lot has changed in the last 11 years. Dating him was easy, we had done it before, we just fell right back in it. Idk how to date someone new. Or where to find someone new. I for have time for dating.


LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jan. 28, 2014 at 11:45 PM
It sounds like you made the right decision it was a long relationship a lot of time and energy put into it

Quoting krisnkids:

It sounds like you made the right decision. Hold your head high and move on.

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Bribriesmom
by on Jan. 29, 2014 at 8:05 AM
Wait before you go looking for another relationship and work on healing your heart, emotions, the scars left behind and focus on your son and getting your life in order/on track without him. So many women jump into relationships too fast and go from bad to worse. You attract where you are. Good luck, and don't let the ex have so much power/control. You set the tone, time for meetings and don't sit around waiting for him.

Quoting Tsmommy106: I'm trying. My heart just hurts right now. I've loved him since JrHigh & he was toxic then. We didn't talk for years & have been in a toxic relationship from day 1. I know I need to move on. I know it is best for me and my son. I just really fear dating again. I haven't dated since HS. I'm sure a lot has changed in the last 11 years. Dating him was easy, we had done it before, we just fell right back in it. Idk how to date someone new. Or where to find someone new. I for have time for dating.
Tsmommy106
by Member on Jan. 29, 2014 at 10:02 AM
I'm so NOT looking for a date!!!! I'm not in the mood to date right now, not do I have time for it. I just know it is something down the road. Like if I'm not with him, at sometime I have to date again. It's a scary thought. It's part of why I kept dealing with BS. I know I'm done with that shit. I deserve better & my son deserves better. I want to show him better & show him what a real, loving family is. He wants me back with his dad b/c he thinks it's the only way for him to have a bro/sis or "typical" family like his friends have. It breaks my heart.

Quoting Frances0923:

Why are you so concern in dating? You should be focusing on moving on in a sense of healing and finding activites that you enjoy, spending time with your child and reconnecting with old friends. Screw the dating scene as of now. (nothings chane btw Lol) still the usual can I get your number, IG, Facebook and KIK crap. 

Quoting Tsmommy106: I'm trying. My heart just hurts right now. I've loved him since JrHigh & he was toxic then. We didn't talk for years & have been in a toxic relationship from day 1. I know I need to move on. I know it is best for me and my son. I just really fear dating again. I haven't dated since HS. I'm sure a lot has changed in the last 11 years. Dating him was easy, we had done it before, we just fell right back in it. Idk how to date someone new. Or where to find someone new. I for have time for dating.


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