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Too much single mom for little boys?

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 1:39 PM
  • 37 Replies
Hi everyone! I'm 29 and the single mom of 2 awesome little boys. It's pretty much been the boys and I all along. Nearly 2 years ago, I started dating. It's been going well & he's doing a good job filling in the missing father figure my boys have never really had. He's a very outdoorsy rugged kind of man. He's into 4 wheelers and dirt bikes.. Guy stuff. He hunts and fishes. I recently became aware of my 8 year old and how different my 8 year old is compared to other 8 year old boys. My son is more cautious, plays carefully, isn't loud, destructive, or adventurous as other kids. He doesn't attempt anything out of the ordinary. He's careful not to get hurt. He doesn't ride his bike fast or try to jump ramps. He doesn't build snow forts or climb trees. My boyfriend recently brought this to my attention & I blamed it on me always being the only parent. I've always taught both boys to love each other, not hurt one another. I've always taught them to wait for me to go outside. I've never encouraged either of them to explore or be adventurous. Now I'm starting to wonder if I did a good job? I see how other kids are & feel bad that my two never had that same experience because I never taught them otherwise. How can I encourage them to truly be boys? I so t want them to be afraid to fall or skin their knee or be afraid to climb a tree. I want them to build ramps and scare the heck out of me. I want them to come running and say,"mom, you have to check this out!" If anyone has any parenting advice for this cautious careful mom, I'd love to hear it!
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 1:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 1:52 PM
1 mom liked this

The best advice I can give you is this. LOVE THEM

They are going to be themselves no matter if you are a rough and tumble mom or a over caring helicoptering mom. The best example i can give  you is of my nephew. My sister did everything she could to keep guns out of the picture for her son. No toy guns, no tv shows with guns, nothing. When he was 6 years old he bit a cracker into a gun and started "shooting" her with it. Where did he learn that? Tarzan. Kids are ingrained the way they are from the moment they are conceived, nothing you can do will change that. Some boys are just not the "let's see how stupid we can be today" and some girls just do not like dresses (my daughters) or the color pink (every girl in my family up, down and sideways).

Allboysmomma3
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 2:01 PM
Yes, I love them. Which is something I always worried about.. Do I tell them too often? Are they too soft because of it? My younger son is 5, he seems to be more crazy than my 8 year old. I just want them to be happy, be who they want to be.. I don't want to ever hold them back or limit them. If they fell down and skinned their knees, I'd kiss them, clean them up, send em back out. I just feel like I went wrong some where. Like I taught them too much about cleaning products and grocery shopping than being boys. I get the gun thing. I went through that stage for 3 years or so. You're right, it's unavoidable. Now, they both have BB guns. They rarely take them out to shoot.. But because I always want them to do it supervised.
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this

You have done just fine. They are still so young and so much to learn. There is nothing wrong with a man who knows how to cook and clean, one day their wives will thank you for that.

Quoting Allboysmomma3: Yes, I love them. Which is something I always worried about.. Do I tell them too often? Are they too soft because of it? My younger son is 5, he seems to be more crazy than my 8 year old. I just want them to be happy, be who they want to be.. I don't want to ever hold them back or limit them. If they fell down and skinned their knees, I'd kiss them, clean them up, send em back out. I just feel like I went wrong some where. Like I taught them too much about cleaning products and grocery shopping than being boys. I get the gun thing. I went through that stage for 3 years or so. You're right, it's unavoidable. Now, they both have BB guns. They rarely take them out to shoot.. But because I always want them to do it supervised.


Allboysmomma3
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 2:10 PM
I guess being a single mom you never hear that you're actually doing a good job. I'm always the bad guy since I make the rules and see them through lol. We are new to the school district and was thinking of signing my 8 year old up for soccer. I figured that would help establish a good peer group for him. He's always playing with younger kids, which is great because he plays so well.. But I also want him to be 8 and do 8 year old things. But I don't even know what age appropriate activities for an 8 year old boy are???
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Soccer is a good start, basketball too. See if there is a baseball camp that he can go to this summer. Swimming etc. I tried to let mine all try different sports so they could see what they liked.

Quoting Allboysmomma3: I guess being a single mom you never hear that you're actually doing a good job. I'm always the bad guy since I make the rules and see them through lol. We are new to the school district and was thinking of signing my 8 year old up for soccer. I figured that would help establish a good peer group for him. He's always playing with younger kids, which is great because he plays so well.. But I also want him to be 8 and do 8 year old things. But I don't even know what age appropriate activities for an 8 year old boy are???


Allboysmomma3
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 3:07 PM
Your advice is so much appreciated! :)
diaperstodating
by Queen24Princes on Feb. 18, 2014 at 3:14 PM
2 moms liked this
I am the mother of four boys. My oldest son is 15 and my youngest son is 5. You don't have anything to worry about, all boys are not the same, just like all girls are not the same. Please don't rush into a relationship/marriage with your boyfriend just to have a man in the home!
diaperstodating
by Queen24Princes on Feb. 18, 2014 at 3:18 PM
1 mom liked this
My situation is a little different technically I am still married, but my soon to be ex husband has not lived in our home for years. My boys are close with their uncles and grandfathers. My boys have different interests, and some of the same interests. I think they are turning out fine without a man in the home.
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 3:21 PM


Quoting diaperstodating: I am the mother of four boys. My oldest son is 15 and my youngest son is 5. You don't have anything to worry about, all boys are not the same, just like all girls are not the same. Please don't rush into a relationship/marriage with your boyfriend just to have a man in the home!

This^^^^^^^^^^^

It's funny, my ex is a pos, really has no business parenting as he acts like a teenager himself. But my soccer husband has been slowly interacting with my kids, airsoft with the oldest son, talking movies with oldest dd, etc, and they are realizing what a healthy relationship with an adult male should be.

sid1083
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 4:28 PM
2 moms liked this

Quoting Allboysmomma3: Hi everyone! I'm 29 and the single mom of 2 awesome little boys. It's pretty much been the boys and I all along. Nearly 2 years ago, I started dating. It's been going well & he's doing a good job filling in the missing father figure my boys have never really had. He's a very outdoorsy rugged kind of man. He's into 4 wheelers and dirt bikes.. Guy stuff. He hunts and fishes. I recently became aware of my 8 year old and how different my 8 year old is compared to other 8 year old boys. My son is more cautious, plays carefully, isn't loud, destructive, or adventurous as other kids. He doesn't attempt anything out of the ordinary. He's careful not to get hurt. He doesn't ride his bike fast or try to jump ramps. He doesn't build snow forts or climb trees. My boyfriend recently brought this to my attention & I blamed it on me always being the only parent. I've always taught both boys to love each other, not hurt one another. I've always taught them to wait for me to go outside. I've never encouraged either of them to explore or be adventurous. Now I'm starting to wonder if I did a good job? I see how other kids are & feel bad that my two never had that same experience because I never taught them otherwise. How can I encourage them to truly be boys? I so t want them to be afraid to fall or skin their knee or be afraid to climb a tree. I want them to build ramps and scare the heck out of me. I want them to come running and say,"mom, you have to check this out!" If anyone has any parenting advice for this cautious careful mom, I'd love to hear it!

You can encourage them to be boys by letting them be themselves! You list the things YOU want them to do . . . what about what THEY want to do?

Yes, it's seen as more masculine if a boy wants to ride dirtbikes and sleep in a tent next to bear poop, while more feminine if their true passion is theater and painting. But just because a child is more artistic than rugged doesn't make him any less a boy.

I say just encourage their interests and strengths and let them become who they want to be. That's about the best thing any parent can do for a child. 

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