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stressed and feel sick to my stomach

Posted by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 2:28 PM
  • 15 Replies
I had my daughter December 4th. I have posted on here about the issues I had with her father before she was born. he self medicates his severe bipolar/depression with weed, he is on zero meds. he has a horrible driving record. he makes me very uncomfortable. he has been hospitalized for his bipolar and in jail for domestic. and he is practically a stranger to me.

while I was pregnant he caused a lot of stress for me. he would always bring up how I broke up with him and try to make me feel bad and shit. he flipped out when I told him I had a glass of wine.. the day after I told him, he texted me asking if I had any more than that one glass or not.. because he doesn't like surprises and if he should be looking up fetal alcohol syndrome or not.. I didn't respond because I told him I only had a glass...why should I have to repeat myself? he then texted the next day saying.. well since you haven't responded im going to take that as you had more wine than you're willing to admit. I was so pissed! there is a lot lot more than that one situation. anywho now that she's here, he wants to see her every freakin day. I breastfeed and she is very clingy and dependant on me. she doesn't really like being held by anyone else. and he doesn't understand what kind of stress he has put me through.. he has really high expectations...

I did block his number because he kept asking to see her every day and getting pissy if I didn't answer back.

Today we had to go sign a document acknowledging paternity and what not.. it was awkward and I still feel sick to my stomach. just being around him makes me want to puke and I always feel super stressed and icky around him. I've had this intuitive gut feeling ever since I ended things with him. I don't want him around. he's very negative and assumes the worst in everything. he claims to be a realist... he is most definitely a half glass empty person.

I finally told him today that I would be ok with one visit every other week for now. he hasn't responded. he has a lawyer and this will all be going to court now. so now I have to get a lawyer. im just so sick to my stomach about it all.
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 2:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Callaly
by Jessica on Feb. 18, 2014 at 3:09 PM

 Its a hard situation and when they have mental illness its even harder! (My ex is schizophrenic) We did end up in court but not because I wanted to prevent him from seeing DD but because I wanted it to be supervised and if he wasn't well then I wanted it known that DD shouldn't be around him.

When we were in court, the first time he needed to go get a physch evaluation and go to anger management (I NEVER thought that he would do this) for 6 weeks, after the 6 weeks and it being confirmed about the schizophrenia and put on meds, the judge said that he needed to continue for an additional 2 months of taking the medication and anger management while doing that, he would be able to see DD 3 hours every 2 weeks supervised by my uncle. He actually did it. After that, it went to 1 weekend a month he could have her only if they slept at his mothers house for 3 months, then it was every other weekend for 2 months and now its every weekend.

I never thought that he would actually take all the steps to get help, but he did it for DD, maybe your ex crazy and all will get help if he is forced. Don't get me wrong I hate my ex, he still gives ME problems but its nothing towards DD, he is a bitter asswhipe :)

It may be different for you because your child is so young and new, but def. go to court and get everything legal so that way he can stop bothering you, and or blaming you from preventing him from seeing his child.

jamie101789
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 3:15 PM
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It kinda helps to know I'm not the only one.

I even told him that if he ever wants more time with her when she's older that he needs to get evaluated, take legal medication and seek therapy. He said the meds don't help and that therapy is too expensive. His parents pay for his $600 a month car insurance bill!! and im sure they are paying for his lawyer! why can't he get help? he thinks he has it all under control and that he is stable... he is far from either of those and my closests friends and family have agreed.

Quoting Callaly:

 Its a hard situation and when they have mental illness its even harder! (My ex is schizophrenic) We did end up in court but not because I wanted to prevent him from seeing DD but because I wanted it to be supervised and if he wasn't well then I wanted it known that DD shouldn't be around him.


When we were in court, the first time he needed to go get a physch evaluation and go to anger management (I NEVER thought that he would do this) for 6 weeks, after the 6 weeks and it being confirmed about the schizophrenia and put on meds, the judge said that he needed to continue for an additional 2 months of taking the medication and anger management while doing that, he would be able to see DD 3 hours every 2 weeks supervised by my uncle. He actually did it. After that, it went to 1 weekend a month he could have her only if they slept at his mothers house for 3 months, then it was every other weekend for 2 months and now its every weekend.


I never thought that he would actually take all the steps to get help, but he did it for DD, maybe your ex crazy and all will get help if he is forced. Don't get me wrong I hate my ex, he still gives ME problems but its nothing towards DD, he is a bitter asswhipe :)


It may be different for you because your child is so young and new, but def. go to court and get everything legal so that way he can stop bothering you, and or blaming you from preventing him from seeing his child.

Callaly
by Jessica on Feb. 18, 2014 at 3:31 PM

 Yea My ex's parents payed for his lawyer because they were convinced that I was making everything up and wanted to prove that I was unfit (there was nothing to prove even now I am the only one that is finacailly responsible for her)

I don't know what your finacial situation is, but maybe meet with a lawyer and tell them what the situation is, and they will be able to give you your best options.

To my understanding when I child is newborn and breastfeeding they will only allow visitaion, no over nights.

He isn't at the point yet where he is aware he has a problem and needs help thats what is going to be hard, but if he persists with this attitude a judge will make sure that he doesn't have visitations thats for sure.

If you ever need to talk... please pm me! My DD is 4.5 years old, I have been going threw this since she was 1 year old I know how hard it is.

Quoting jamie101789: Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It kinda helps to know I'm not the only one.

I even told him that if he ever wants more time with her when she's older that he needs to get evaluated, take legal medication and seek therapy. He said the meds don't help and that therapy is too expensive. His parents pay for his $600 a month car insurance bill!! and im sure they are paying for his lawyer! why can't he get help? he thinks he has it all under control and that he is stable... he is far from either of those and my closests friends and family have agreed.

Quoting Callaly:

 Its a hard situation and when they have mental illness its even harder! (My ex is schizophrenic) We did end up in court but not because I wanted to prevent him from seeing DD but because I wanted it to be supervised and if he wasn't well then I wanted it known that DD shouldn't be around him.


When we were in court, the first time he needed to go get a physch evaluation and go to anger management (I NEVER thought that he would do this) for 6 weeks, after the 6 weeks and it being confirmed about the schizophrenia and put on meds, the judge said that he needed to continue for an additional 2 months of taking the medication and anger management while doing that, he would be able to see DD 3 hours every 2 weeks supervised by my uncle. He actually did it. After that, it went to 1 weekend a month he could have her only if they slept at his mothers house for 3 months, then it was every other weekend for 2 months and now its every weekend.


I never thought that he would actually take all the steps to get help, but he did it for DD, maybe your ex crazy and all will get help if he is forced. Don't get me wrong I hate my ex, he still gives ME problems but its nothing towards DD, he is a bitter asswhipe :)


It may be different for you because your child is so young and new, but def. go to court and get everything legal so that way he can stop bothering you, and or blaming you from preventing him from seeing his child.

 

jamie101789
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 4:26 PM
Thank you! I definitely will! and he said he's tried meds and they don't work and just give him lots of side effects.. well when it comes to my daughter I think it's important for him to take his mental health seriously. it's so infuriating. and I'll be getting a lawyer ASAP. calling one tomorrow.

Quoting Callaly:

 Yea My ex's parents payed for his lawyer because they were convinced that I was making everything up and wanted to prove that I was unfit (there was nothing to prove even now I am the only one that is finacailly responsible for her)


I don't know what your finacial situation is, but maybe meet with a lawyer and tell them what the situation is, and they will be able to give you your best options.


To my understanding when I child is newborn and breastfeeding they will only allow visitaion, no over nights.


He isn't at the point yet where he is aware he has a problem and needs help thats what is going to be hard, but if he persists with this attitude a judge will make sure that he doesn't have visitations thats for sure.


If you ever need to talk... please pm me! My DD is 4.5 years old, I have been going threw this since she was 1 year old I know how hard it is.


Quoting jamie101789: Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It kinda helps to know I'm not the only one.

I even told him that if he ever wants more time with her when she's older that he needs to get evaluated, take legal medication and seek therapy. He said the meds don't help and that therapy is too expensive. His parents pay for his $600 a month car insurance bill!! and im sure they are paying for his lawyer! why can't he get help? he thinks he has it all under control and that he is stable... he is far from either of those and my closests friends and family have agreed.


Quoting Callaly:

 Its a hard situation and when they have mental illness its even harder! (My ex is schizophrenic) We did end up in court but not because I wanted to prevent him from seeing DD but because I wanted it to be supervised and if he wasn't well then I wanted it known that DD shouldn't be around him.



When we were in court, the first time he needed to go get a physch evaluation and go to anger management (I NEVER thought that he would do this) for 6 weeks, after the 6 weeks and it being confirmed about the schizophrenia and put on meds, the judge said that he needed to continue for an additional 2 months of taking the medication and anger management while doing that, he would be able to see DD 3 hours every 2 weeks supervised by my uncle. He actually did it. After that, it went to 1 weekend a month he could have her only if they slept at his mothers house for 3 months, then it was every other weekend for 2 months and now its every weekend.



I never thought that he would actually take all the steps to get help, but he did it for DD, maybe your ex crazy and all will get help if he is forced. Don't get me wrong I hate my ex, he still gives ME problems but its nothing towards DD, he is a bitter asswhipe :)



It may be different for you because your child is so young and new, but def. go to court and get everything legal so that way he can stop bothering you, and or blaming you from preventing him from seeing his child.


 

Callaly
by Jessica on Feb. 18, 2014 at 4:30 PM

 It can take months even years to get the right combination of medication for mental illness, he isn't giving it enough time! If he can't be responsible for his own health how can he be responsible for another human beings?

People are selfish, if I was him I would just get myself better 100%, before I would involve a child in my messed up life!

Quoting jamie101789: Thank you! I definitely will! and he said he's tried meds and they don't work and just give him lots of side effects.. well when it comes to my daughter I think it's important for him to take his mental health seriously. it's so infuriating. and I'll be getting a lawyer ASAP. calling one tomorrow.

Quoting Callaly:

 Yea My ex's parents payed for his lawyer because they were convinced that I was making everything up and wanted to prove that I was unfit (there was nothing to prove even now I am the only one that is finacailly responsible for her)


I don't know what your finacial situation is, but maybe meet with a lawyer and tell them what the situation is, and they will be able to give you your best options.


To my understanding when I child is newborn and breastfeeding they will only allow visitaion, no over nights.


He isn't at the point yet where he is aware he has a problem and needs help thats what is going to be hard, but if he persists with this attitude a judge will make sure that he doesn't have visitations thats for sure.


If you ever need to talk... please pm me! My DD is 4.5 years old, I have been going threw this since she was 1 year old I know how hard it is.


Quoting jamie101789: Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It kinda helps to know I'm not the only one.

I even told him that if he ever wants more time with her when she's older that he needs to get evaluated, take legal medication and seek therapy. He said the meds don't help and that therapy is too expensive. His parents pay for his $600 a month car insurance bill!! and im sure they are paying for his lawyer! why can't he get help? he thinks he has it all under control and that he is stable... he is far from either of those and my closests friends and family have agreed.


Quoting Callaly:

 Its a hard situation and when they have mental illness its even harder! (My ex is schizophrenic) We did end up in court but not because I wanted to prevent him from seeing DD but because I wanted it to be supervised and if he wasn't well then I wanted it known that DD shouldn't be around him.



When we were in court, the first time he needed to go get a physch evaluation and go to anger management (I NEVER thought that he would do this) for 6 weeks, after the 6 weeks and it being confirmed about the schizophrenia and put on meds, the judge said that he needed to continue for an additional 2 months of taking the medication and anger management while doing that, he would be able to see DD 3 hours every 2 weeks supervised by my uncle. He actually did it. After that, it went to 1 weekend a month he could have her only if they slept at his mothers house for 3 months, then it was every other weekend for 2 months and now its every weekend.



I never thought that he would actually take all the steps to get help, but he did it for DD, maybe your ex crazy and all will get help if he is forced. Don't get me wrong I hate my ex, he still gives ME problems but its nothing towards DD, he is a bitter asswhipe :)



It may be different for you because your child is so young and new, but def. go to court and get everything legal so that way he can stop bothering you, and or blaming you from preventing him from seeing his child.


 

 

jamie101789
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 4:40 PM
exactly!!!! and he's quite the negative person and has a very skewed outlook on the world. he obsessess over things and thinks almost everyone is out to get him. im not comfortable around him and im not comfortable with him being around her.

Quoting Callaly:

 It can take months even years to get the right combination of medication for mental illness, he isn't giving it enough time! If he can't be responsible for his own health how can he be responsible for another human beings?


People are selfish, if I was him I would just get myself better 100%, before I would involve a child in my messed up life!


Quoting jamie101789: Thank you! I definitely will! and he said he's tried meds and they don't work and just give him lots of side effects.. well when it comes to my daughter I think it's important for him to take his mental health seriously. it's so infuriating. and I'll be getting a lawyer ASAP. calling one tomorrow.


Quoting Callaly:

 Yea My ex's parents payed for his lawyer because they were convinced that I was making everything up and wanted to prove that I was unfit (there was nothing to prove even now I am the only one that is finacailly responsible for her)



I don't know what your finacial situation is, but maybe meet with a lawyer and tell them what the situation is, and they will be able to give you your best options.



To my understanding when I child is newborn and breastfeeding they will only allow visitaion, no over nights.



He isn't at the point yet where he is aware he has a problem and needs help thats what is going to be hard, but if he persists with this attitude a judge will make sure that he doesn't have visitations thats for sure.



If you ever need to talk... please pm me! My DD is 4.5 years old, I have been going threw this since she was 1 year old I know how hard it is.



Quoting jamie101789: Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It kinda helps to know I'm not the only one.

I even told him that if he ever wants more time with her when she's older that he needs to get evaluated, take legal medication and seek therapy. He said the meds don't help and that therapy is too expensive. His parents pay for his $600 a month car insurance bill!! and im sure they are paying for his lawyer! why can't he get help? he thinks he has it all under control and that he is stable... he is far from either of those and my closests friends and family have agreed.



Quoting Callaly:

 Its a hard situation and when they have mental illness its even harder! (My ex is schizophrenic) We did end up in court but not because I wanted to prevent him from seeing DD but because I wanted it to be supervised and if he wasn't well then I wanted it known that DD shouldn't be around him.




When we were in court, the first time he needed to go get a physch evaluation and go to anger management (I NEVER thought that he would do this) for 6 weeks, after the 6 weeks and it being confirmed about the schizophrenia and put on meds, the judge said that he needed to continue for an additional 2 months of taking the medication and anger management while doing that, he would be able to see DD 3 hours every 2 weeks supervised by my uncle. He actually did it. After that, it went to 1 weekend a month he could have her only if they slept at his mothers house for 3 months, then it was every other weekend for 2 months and now its every weekend.




I never thought that he would actually take all the steps to get help, but he did it for DD, maybe your ex crazy and all will get help if he is forced. Don't get me wrong I hate my ex, he still gives ME problems but its nothing towards DD, he is a bitter asswhipe :)




It may be different for you because your child is so young and new, but def. go to court and get everything legal so that way he can stop bothering you, and or blaming you from preventing him from seeing his child.



 


 

ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Feb. 18, 2014 at 6:10 PM

Oh lord sweetie he sounds like my ex bf. *hugs*

jamie101789
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 6:15 PM
thanks. would you mind sharing your experience? if not that's totally understandable.

Quoting ColleenF30:

Oh lord sweetie he sounds like my ex bf. *hugs*

ColleenF30
by Lube Girl on Feb. 18, 2014 at 6:26 PM

Most of it started in May of last year while I was pregnant. He is bi polar, and other disorders they haven't quite pinpointed yet. I mentioned he needed to sign the birth certificate when the baby was born, and he told me to claim I was raped he wasn't signing anything. He was asking for my post c-section pain pills before I was even in the hospital to have my daughter. While I was in the hospital (had a week on bedrest before birth for bleeding) he would call up friends and make plans to go out, then call my roommate and tell him that he forgot he had plans with someone and he should come and sit with me for awhile because he was leaving. When I went in for the c-section he wasn't there (my roommate was). He threw a fit at the hospital because he wasn't allowed in the NICU while I was still in surgery, so he left. He came in while I was in ICU for about 30 minutes just to complain that they would not let him into the NICU until I was there with him to confirm he was the father (I needed 5 units of blood in surgery and had a hysterectomy and major hernia repair). He never returned to the hospital in the week after that. Never showed to sign that he was the father. Now when he is around me in person he claims I kept him away, and told him not to sign the birth certificate. Anything that happens it is somehow my fault (much of why I told him to shove it because I will not be treated like that). Last time I interacted with him he tried screaming at me calling me a liar and saying I could have just walked down to the NICU and demanded they let him in (I was bedbound for the first 2 days). The man is mentally ill, and I see it more and more the longer I am away from him. Outlandish lies like he saved the house by putting out a stove fire with dirt from the backyard, or that he has this job that brought him thousands in cash, but he burned it because it wasn't honest money. I really hope one day that he finds stability, but I don't think I would ever put myself with him again. He lied to me too many times. He abandoned me too many times. If he wo uld text and I didn't answer right away he would get pissy. If I were to message him and send another an hour or so later because he didn't answer I got into trouble for it. If I keep thinking I am going to remember way too much lol. He stresses me horribly. My sugar goes sky high if I know I will encounter him. I am glad we live 40 miles apart.

Quoting jamie101789: thanks. would you mind sharing your experience? if not that's totally understandable.

Quoting ColleenF30:

Oh lord sweetie he sounds like my ex bf. *hugs*


jamie101789
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:58 PM
im so sorry :( *hugs* im sorry if that got you super stressed out. I know how it feels. just thinking about it stresses me out like crazy. I really appreciate you sharing with me. you are lucky to live 40 miles apart. my ex lives maybe a mile or two away..

Quoting ColleenF30:

Most of it started in May of last year while I was pregnant. He is bi polar, and other disorders they haven't quite pinpointed yet. I mentioned he needed to sign the birth certificate when the baby was born, and he told me to claim I was raped he wasn't signing anything. He was asking for my post c-section pain pills before I was even in the hospital to have my daughter. While I was in the hospital (had a week on bedrest before birth for bleeding) he would call up friends and make plans to go out, then call my roommate and tell him that he forgot he had plans with someone and he should come and sit with me for awhile because he was leaving. When I went in for the c-section he wasn't there (my roommate was). He threw a fit at the hospital because he wasn't allowed in the NICU while I was still in surgery, so he left. He came in while I was in ICU for about 30 minutes just to complain that they would not let him into the NICU until I was there with him to confirm he was the father (I needed 5 units of blood in surgery and had a hysterectomy and major hernia repair). He never returned to the hospital in the week after that. Never showed to sign that he was the father. Now when he is around me in person he claims I kept him away, and told him not to sign the birth certificate. Anything that happens it is somehow my fault (much of why I told him to shove it because I will not be treated like that). Last time I interacted with him he tried screaming at me calling me a liar and saying I could have just walked down to the NICU and demanded they let him in (I was bedbound for the first 2 days). The man is mentally ill, and I see it more and more the longer I am away from him. Outlandish lies like he saved the house by putting out a stove fire with dirt from the backyard, or that he has this job that brought him thousands in cash, but he burned it because it wasn't honest money. I really hope one day that he finds stability, but I don't think I would ever put myself with him again. He lied to me too many times. He abandoned me too many times. If he wo uld text and I didn't answer right away he would get pissy. If I were to message him and send another an hour or so later because he didn't answer I got into trouble for it. If I keep thinking I am going to remember way too much lol. He stresses me horribly. My sugar goes sky high if I know I will encounter him. I am glad we live 40 miles apart.

Quoting jamie101789: thanks. would you mind sharing your experience? if not that's totally understandable.



Quoting ColleenF30:

Oh lord sweetie he sounds like my ex bf. *hugs*


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