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Druggie Donor

Posted by on Feb. 22, 2014 at 4:27 PM
  • 5 Replies
So my daughters father is a druggie. Has not seen DD in 8 years. He recently was in jail for violating drug court. He owes $13k in back support. His mother is his enabler. She is broke cause she constantly dishes money out to him hand over fist. They are wanting to reconnect with her. She is 10. I don't want her around their lifestyle. He has visual track marks and she is an alcoholic pill popper. Am I wrong for sheltering her from them? This happens every so often. They will show an interest for a couple weeks. I let her talk to them on the phone and they say they are going to call the next day and they don't. Leaving my daughter devastated. In tears. They do this every few months or years. I am just trying to protect her. She is a great kid hut when they disappear she gets sooo sad. I tell them we can start out with phone calls and eventually meet face to face. But we have yet to get to that point. I have tried giving them chances and they blew it. Every time. So I ended it. No communication with her til they can get their shit together. Is that wrong?
by on Feb. 22, 2014 at 4:27 PM
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Replies (1-5):
by Group Admin on Feb. 22, 2014 at 7:17 PM
1 mom liked this

I would tell them both that until they're clean and sober for 90 days they will have no contact with her.

by Carrie on Feb. 22, 2014 at 9:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 I would change my number. They sound like people who do not care and  if they cannot contact you they will not go thru any legal moves to try and contact you.

by on Feb. 23, 2014 at 7:43 PM
I agree with both of the pp 90 days sober and change your number
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by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:39 PM
With her being devastated, I wouldn't even entertain the thought of them entering her life. Maybe it's bc I'm biased though. Ds was excited his biodad would be in his life and when dad left, he went through this 'I want to die' stage. It was bad enough to where I got outside help and put him in therapy! For me, until he goes through court, I won't let him around ds.

That being said, I do have a fb account. Technically mine, but with ds' paternal family. Every so often, I'll update on how he's doing, put pictures on there, etc.when he gets older and wants to contact them, hopefully they'll still be on the fb account so it'd be easier. It's not just his grandma though- it's also his sister's grandma (on her mom's side, she has custody of her), as well as the people who have custody of his brother.
by on Feb. 25, 2014 at 8:18 AM

My ex hasn't seen my kids in close to 9 years, give or take a few months either way. He has a felony conviction,  and owes $27K in child support. My rule at this point has become if he, or his family, wants to see my kids, they can take me to court and convince a judge. Trying to convince a judge that you care when you haven't been around in nearly a decade (and if they file now, you could still be looking at several months before a hearing, bringing you close and close to a decade) is going to be hard enough, throw in a drinking and/or drug problem, and chances are good you'll be laughed right out of court, if not outright told what an idiotic ass you are.

I would tell them to take you to court. Chances are, they won't bother. But if they do, that allows you to get some things put in the court order, such as: passing drug tests and/or breathalyzer tests before visits or randomly, supervised visitation, and possibly a clause that says if they miss X visits in a row, visitation is terminated.

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