How do I explain to my dd when i finally leave her emotionally abusive dad?
I am really tired and drained of this relationship. i've already cheated twice. Emotionalyl I'm checked out from eyars of being called dumb, idiotic, incompetant, dumb b*tch, etc. and basiclally just being broken down piece by piece over the years. I am not working a steady job, but i lsot my fatehr in may (another trigger bc it amde me realzie how shrot lfie is, and i can't spend it happy, and in that timeframe of vulnerable grief he puleld my hair while I was drunk and told me to 'get ove rmy dad dying" when i was crying, a month afetr he passed a long and traumatic illness w/life support). I have about 42k that's assets (rest I put in dd's account for college, about 10k, and the other about 10k for me later on in life), and I ahve regualr access to. Anyways I know without a steady soruce of income, I probably can't get an apartment from a rental company or proeprty management company (I've already tried a couple palces and they said it's pretty standard), and my mom's cosign amount isn't enough for most nicer places).
I am looking at rooms and houses for rent until i get a job and can get my own place. i don't think I can stay here a min longer, I'm so done. I hate him and he has no idea or he's in deep, deep denial, about both the abuse (he thinks he's helpign by calling me an "idiot").
My therapsit thinks I should go to a shelter but I don't want t, plus won't they turn me and dd away if it's not imemdiate danger to my or dd's life?
My question is: how do i explain to dd who's 5 and lvoes her daddy why we're leaving? I've tried wanring ehr like "I may not be with Daddy forever. Someday, maybe soon, you and i will be in our place together and then you cans ee Dadyy at his place on other days. Soemtimes two people love each other but just can't work it out." I have even said "sometimes daddy calls me names and it really hurts my feelings, so I may not be with him much longer and you and i can live alone together without Daddy. And then some days you can be with just Daddy, and I'll always come abck."
She gets upset and whiny when i talk about this, and rightfully so. I know that her home life involves emoitonal abuse toward her mother, but it's still ehr home lfie and family unti and what she knows. I don't know if I have the courage to hrut her this way. there's no one backing me up on this either. myf atehr understood the degree of emotional absue and the toll it took on me, but he's gone now. My mother and brother deny it's abuse and my mom even said "he's not beating you up or anything". It hurts my own mother would side agaisnt me and take his but what can i do.
for the record we;re not even married---his decision, not mine, yet he wnats to keep me around (wtf right?)
Should I just find a place to go anwyay, even if it a shelter, and just explain to her AFTER we move and why we moved, or keep giving her warnings?
If you have been through this, how did you finally tell your child, and did you wait til after you got into your new place, or beforehand? I'm afarid if I tell her beforehand for sure when we're leaving she'll blab to him.