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How do you split financial obligations?

Posted by on Feb. 23, 2014 at 5:24 PM
  • 10 Replies
My sons dad and I are not agreeing on much right now and it seems we'll be back in court eventually. Basically I pay for everything and the reason we're not agreeing on anything right now is bc according to our order he claims my son every other year on his taxes and this is his year. I asked to claim him bc I pay for everything and have receipts for everything and it's a big fight.
According to the order, childcare is supposed to be split and he is to provide health insurance. (I've done it all for the past 3+ years and have provided health insurance for the last 6+ years and my son is 7).
I don't ask becausei can do it and it's such a hassle getting him to actually do it. I asks for this past years expenses if he was claiming him and it's such a hassle. So I think we'll end up in court eventually (maybe not but it seems to be going in that direction) and I'm just wondering how others sllit expenses in order to not be unreasonable.thanks!
by on Feb. 23, 2014 at 5:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 23, 2014 at 7:19 PM
Go back to court it's his year to claim based off the court order no matter what he has paid for
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Oliviasmom72
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:15 PM

If it is his year to claim he gets too. Does he pay child support? He is only required to pay what the order requires him to pay.

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:21 PM
1 mom liked this
If he's not helping financially but claiming ds then you need to go back to court.

I don't get any child support from my ex. If I need money I can call him and ask him for it. I've only done this a couple times in the last few years.
krisnkids
by Silver Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 2:38 PM

If you have a court order and choose not to follow it that is your choice, but if it is in the court order that he gets to claim the child then you have no grounds to argue. If he isn't paying then take him to court for not paying. But if he isn't paying because it is too much of a hassle to send him the bill then that is on you. Many states have a standing law that says bills that a parent is responsible for must be submitted within xx amount of days. If you haven't sent him the bills then how can you expect him to pay for them?

woodstock525
by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 8:37 PM

With my ex, my medical coverage was better and cheaper than his.  So, I always carried the kids on my insurance and when he had insurance he carried them too which was great since two coverages were better than one.  When we did the child support calculation, I got credit for the medical coverage that I paid for the kids (the difference in price between family coverage and single coverage) and the child care costs that I paid for.  He got credit for the medical coverage that he provided.  Our court order said that we got the kids in alternating years.

In your situation, you have a court order and so if you choose to not give him the tax deduction, he can take you to court for contempt and you would be ordered to refile your taxes, pay interest and possibly penalties on the refund you received to which you were not entitled.  If you want to change who gets to claim the child, then you have to go back to court.  It's going to be tough for you to argue this I think.

It's also going to be tough for you to go to court and argue that he didn't pay for anything when you've just stated that you don't ask him to pay.  If he doesn't know about it, how can he pay it whether it's a hassle or not?  As far as he knows, you don't have any costs because you haven't approached him.  You can't just take him to court and all of a sudden come up with thousands of dollars of child care costs from the past 3+ years that you want the court to order him to pay.  You will end up losing out on that one most likely as well as spending more on your attorney and court costs than you might be able to recoup if you did have your son as a tax deduction every year.

In your situation, I would suggest letting what you have paid til now be a wash, because I doubt the courts would make him go back and reimburse you.  I would instead go through child support and ask for a reassessment and have them attribute the child care and medical insurance costs to you and recoup what you can in the form of higher child support.  I found that to be much more reliable than splitting costs.  That way, I knew my contribution and his (in the form of CS) and was able to preplan all costs.  I rarely asked the ex to contribute financially because he did through his child support. 


alison08
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 6:15 PM
Thanks, I appreciate your response. I'm sure we will end up back in court. The other problem is that child support is not paid regularly either. It is through the court so the arrears add up but it's not at all consistent.
I always let him do pretty much whatever he wants as far as visitation (meaning cancel however often or change days if need be) I guess I shouldn't be so easy going with him anymore. I just try to do what's best for my son and asking for money really is always a fight I didn't want to have. Just because if this, he didn't see my son this week and made it known in email it's why he didn't. He's unfortunately not a good person or father so I guess it's just starting to annoy me.

Quoting woodstock525:

With my ex, my medical coverage was better and cheaper than his.  So, I always carried the kids on my insurance and when he had insurance he carried them too which was great since two coverages were better than one.  When we did the child support calculation, I got credit for the medical coverage that I paid for the kids (the difference in price between family coverage and single coverage) and the child care costs that I paid for.  He got credit for the medical coverage that he provided.  Our court order said that we got the kids in alternating years.

In your situation, you have a court order and so if you choose to not give him the tax deduction, he can take you to court for contempt and you would be ordered to refile your taxes, pay interest and possibly penalties on the refund you received to which you were not entitled.  If you want to change who gets to claim the child, then you have to go back to court.  It's going to be tough for you to argue this I think.

It's also going to be tough for you to go to court and argue that he didn't pay for anything when you've just stated that you don't ask him to pay.  If he doesn't know about it, how can he pay it whether it's a hassle or not?  As far as he knows, you don't have any costs because you haven't approached him.  You can't just take him to court and all of a sudden come up with thousands of dollars of child care costs from the past 3+ years that you want the court to order him to pay.  You will end up losing out on that one most likely as well as spending more on your attorney and court costs than you might be able to recoup if you did have your son as a tax deduction every year.

In your situation, I would suggest letting what you have paid til now be a wash, because I doubt the courts would make him go back and reimburse you.  I would instead go through child support and ask for a reassessment and have them attribute the child care and medical insurance costs to you and recoup what you can in the form of higher child support.  I found that to be much more reliable than splitting costs.  That way, I knew my contribution and his (in the form of CS) and was able to preplan all costs.  I rarely asked the ex to contribute financially because he did through his child support. 

woodstock525
by on Feb. 26, 2014 at 2:01 PM

Given your situation, I would definitely recommend that you document, document, document all pick up/drop off times and situations in which visitation is refused and the reasons for the refusal.  If you have email documentation, keep it in your file. 

Start notifying the other parent every time there is a bill, when and as it occurs.  Do so in writing via email.  Keep all emotion out of it.  Basically along the lines of per our divorce decree, page X, section X, I am notifying you that $200 in child care costs were incurred this week for our child, X.  Your obligation for this charge is 50% which would be X.  Please remit to me within 30 days.  If he pays, fine.  If he doesn't, at least you have documented that you incurred the bill, that you notified him promptly, and that you gave him a deadline by which to pay of at least 30 days.

Unfortunately, parents who don't pay regularly...there's not much you or the courts can do to force that.  I just never put the CS in my budget.  I couldn't afford to do that and then all of a sudden discover he'd changed jobs again.

teapartydiva524
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 2:09 PM

My ex and I get along pretty well.  I knew when I left that I would be the one who would more than likely cover most things and that's where I set my expectations.  My grandmother used to watch my daughter but got sick and passed away since we split.  He covers all the daycare/sitter costs.  I don't get anything extra at this point but he's really good about splitting extracurricular expenses with me and I'm sure he'll be the same about school.  We each provide clothing, toys, etc. at our houses. That being said, if I were in your situation I would be taking him back to court for contempt and ask to be reimbursed for health insurance and daycare.  Also, I would ask that the healthcare obligation fall on you since you're covering it anyway and maybe even the daycare.  Most states give you credit on child support toward those things. 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 7:47 PM

 if i need help i ask and usually he just gives it to me and doesnt care about proof.

in your case id go back to court and ask that either YOU claim the kid annually or have it spelled out that if he gets behind, his taxes go to you.

if your CO is after 2009 you can just go ahead and claim the kid because even w a CO you ahve to sign some IRS form for him to claim kid if the kid lives w you primarily. id tell him first though, its shitty not to. if he gets pissed oh well.

Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:37 AM

We don't! He pays  between $170 to $200 in CS a month. That is NOT for each child. Outside of his CS payments...he does nothing.  

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