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This is a letter that my daughter's counselor helped her write to her dad. It took a lot of courage for her to finally give this to him because she is afraid to communicate her feelings to him. I knew the man was an a - hole who cares more about his 13yo son from his first marriage, so I can't say i am surprised by his reaction.
When I get my daughter home from her visit with her dad she looks at me then puts her head down and says "the letter didn't work mom, he didn't listen" I asked what her said and she says "that he didn't like it and he never wanted another letter like that again" She is defeated.
Now I did not give him any warning of this letter because any attempt I have made in the past about her always being bored had been shot down with any excuse he can think of to make it seem like she is lying. I figured if this came from HER and her only that it may work. All it did was get a milder version of what I expected to happen. It would only get worse if I, or the counselor, tried to talk to him.
Now she is left with trying to figure out another way of getting her dad's approval and love. Eventually she will give up and i hope that she is a stronger person for it, but to sit back and watch what i know needs to happen is heartbreaking. How do you explain this to your child, when is the right time to tell her that you don't need his lying, cheating, stealing, drug addicted a$$ in your life. And why do some men do this???!!
by on Feb. 24, 2014 at 9:14 AM
Replies (11-19):
Belovedmoonpixi
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 11:37 PM

and this is the sort of thing that provokes the "take out his liver with my bare hands and feed it to the dogs" fantasy!.... (which I recurrently get seeing how DD´s father treats her, he didn´t even bother to send an email, let alone call her for Christmas...in fact, we haven´t heard from him since september....)

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 24, 2014 at 11:50 PM
I'm sorry he acted like a jerk I understand the other mom saying it's not always possible to play but he needs to get off his butt sometimes
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JamiM81
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 11:00 AM
She has been struggling with this for two years. I lived with him for 11 years, and I know what his weekends were like that entire time, we never saw him until at least noon but sometimes later. And I was always the one taking DD and SS out by myself. I know there is nothing I can do to change it. I tried telling him that he is going to end up losing her because all she wants is for him to understand her and he comes back with bull shit excuses blaming everything on me. Guess what, you are not hurting me, this is not about me and it's not about you. It's about your "drama Queen" daughter but he doesn't want to hear it from "her highness" anymore. If your "baby girl" means so much to you, you would not match such harsh references. But I am not around for him to belittle or manipulate anymore so he is taking it out on her.
Then DD tells me that next time they ask her to get them food she is just going to tell them to "get off your lazy butt and get it yourself, your legs aren't broken". Inside I was cheering and laughing, you go girl, but I had to tell her if you wouldn't speak to me that way then you shouldn't speak to any adult that way. She is so tired of it that she comes up with all of these rebuttals on her own because I certainly don't talk that way in front of her. Everything that goes through my head ends up coming out of her mouth eventually. That's another issue, I told her dad that I was sorry she is so much like me, but that is not her fault and she shouldn't be punished for it.
I wish her were a good dad to her. No one is perfect and I am not trying to make him perfect. He runs a military style household because that is the way he grew up. He hated his childhood and hasn't talked to his own father in 13 years. Congratulations.....
colins_mom
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 11:13 AM
Hugs. Im going through it with my ds too. Hes the oldest out of all 8 kids in that house (only 4 are my exs) and ds comes home upset every week because all the other kids take priority and he feels like he is in their space
Panditacjp
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 11:25 AM

I'm sorry. It's horrible, but I have no adive. My ex was like that. I just did my best to make up for it, and played with them, wrestled with them, became mom and dad. It's not the best, but it's all I got. My father is also a kid guy and they love time with him. 

I hate men like that. What a complete waiste of oxygen. 

LadySaphira
by on Feb. 25, 2014 at 11:12 PM

hopefully she has some positive roll models in her life that negate what he is doing to her.

JamiM81
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 1:23 PM
She has her papa, my dad, but it's not the same. My boyfriend will treat her like his own and shower her with love and support, but I hold off on them spending too much time together until we are engaged. He won't replace her dad but he will at least show her what every girl deserves in a man. The last thing I want is for her to grow up thinking she has to seek every man's approval. I want her to know that being exactly who she is is enough.
Mommy2jeremy
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 1:34 PM
Im sorry but stop giving this guy credit. Don't apologize she is like you. Thankfully she is and not like him. I had a dad that never paid attention to me and I could tell you 24 years later I still am looking for approval from him and from men. I met a guy just like him but worse. The cycle continues. I really would put your foot down, go to court and have the visitations changed. The law guardian will talk to your daughter. If she doesn't want to go see him, then maybe he'll finally get it. Subjecting her to this just bc you want her to have her father in her life isn't the answer. He doesn't deserve your daughter. My heart breaks for her , this is truly so sad and I'm sorry for you as a mom.
KimmyPoo
by Member on Feb. 26, 2014 at 2:24 PM
:(This breaks my heart
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