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Smart Kids and Suggestions Needed

Posted by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 8:51 AM
  • 7 Replies

My older two and I were talking last night (16 and 14) and they told me how their dad is still trying to convince them to come live with him. Lovely. They keep talking and it comes out that they don't want to go for spring break or summer visitation. Double lovely. Now I get to figure out how to tell ex that they aren't coming for visitation, he can't force the issue because our divorce decree says "visitation as agreed upon by both parents". So the kids are safe but now I get to deal with the d/a ex. Any suggestions on how to tell him?

Oh, and the smart kids part. One of the things they brought up last night was how their dad talks trash about people (me included of course). One of the things they were commenting on is how he gives his wife's sister a hard time about remarrying only 6 months after her divorce was final. I just started laughing. They asked how long after our divorce was final did he remarry. I couldn't stop laughing so I held up 6 fingers. They asked 6 months, I shook my head, they asked 6 years, I shook my head, the said 6 weeks? I nodded and they started laughing too. Yeah, smart kids.

by on Feb. 27, 2014 at 8:51 AM
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Replies (1-7):
Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:31 AM

Maybe because I don't have to deal with this stuff that the answer seems simple enough to me. Just tell him they don't want to go and aren't coming...plain and simple. If he can't force it, what's the problem? 

Callaly
by Jessica on Feb. 27, 2014 at 1:06 PM

 Go in with the worst out come possible in mind. Maybe tell them that the younger kids will still go but the older ones want to stay back with friends.. at 16 and 14 you can't force them.

sid1083
by Silver Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 3:45 PM

Do you think that if you relay to your ex that the oldest kids aren't coming for visitation, that it will put pressure on your younger kids? Will negative comments be made and the younger ones be put in the middle (i.e. "your older bro/sis won't come to see me - they don't love me" - sh*t like that)? Or will he be adult enough to not guilt the younger ones for the choices of the older kids?

Depending on the response to the above, it would influence how I would approach the situation. 

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 3:56 PM

He is always trying to guilt them all into coming to live with him. The older two have been on to him for awhile, the youngest likes to visit but she's a momma's girl. My youngest son has the hardest time and always has the hardest time transitioning back to my house when he hets home.

I have told him that the older two do not want to come for spring break and he seems fine with that. The older two have both applied for summer jobs with the city so if they get those then it would be a good reason not to go.

Quoting sid1083:

Do you think that if you relay to your ex that the oldest kids aren't coming for visitation, that it will put pressure on your younger kids? Will negative comments be made and the younger ones be put in the middle (i.e. "your older bro/sis won't come to see me - they don't love me" - sh*t like that)? Or will he be adult enough to not guilt the younger ones for the choices of the older kids?Depending on the response to the above, it would influence how I would approach the situation. 


cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Feb. 27, 2014 at 8:52 PM

Hopefully both kids get a summer job and then they'll have an easy out. I would simply say they want to enjoy the summer with their friends.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Feb. 27, 2014 at 11:12 PM
The kids technically in some states are old enough to choose where they want to live
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 8:30 AM

Yes in many they can and my older two are old enough to choose. Thankfully they know their dad and have no desire to live there. If he ever tries to get the younger two in the future I would probably have to ask the older two if they would testify against their dad obtaining custody. My oldest son already knows that if anything is to ever happen to me that he is in charge of the youngest.

Quoting LifeCafe42: The kids technically in some states are old enough to choose where they want to live


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