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lengthy, but I'm desperate! Please read it all and give my your opinions and advice.

Posted by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 6:06 AM
  • 15 Replies
I just gave birth to my son on 3-6-14. I had met his father almost a year ago and we began dating. Things got very serious quickly. I thought id met the man of my dreams. We live almost an hour apart, and were even discussing him moving to my town to live together. Things were great until he apparently got comfortable enough with me to let his true colors show. Once he thought he had me for good, he didnt filter himself or his actions. He was a year older than me and had a 7 yo son. Some red flags for me was the fact he made good money and still lived in his mothers basement and was content . While talking on the phone one night, he had gotten off work late, got home and asked his mother to cook him supper! And she did, willingly! Also, when he hadn't seen his son in several months, and one weekend after getting off work, instead of going home to his son, he drove all the way to my house, wanting to stay the night even after i'd already told him not to bc i had to work the next morning. He was always putting himself before his son. The next red flag was when he himself was a huge gamer. I didn't allow it to bother me because he worked two jobs and kept it to a minimum when i was around, but any other time it consumed him. His son also played lots of games as well. One day my ex got extremely mad at the fact he thought his son played the video games too much so he took the xbox 360 outside and shot it!! In front of his son! That had me really doubting everything, then the last straw was when he had my two children and i in his vehicle going to the store and was driving almost 100 mph. I tried to stay calm and jokingly say he didn't have to show off for us, but his reply was that was how he usually drove. He was just lucky enough his buddies were all cops in the town we were going to. When we got back to his moms house, we gathered our stuff to leave. Using the excuse i was called to work. After that i began avoiding him and distancing myself. I told him i wasn't Comfortable with everything id witnessed and i thought it would be best that we break up. He didn't take it well, and started a very pathetic"i hate my life, i'm worthless, why wont you see how much i need youto go on " pity parties. I also found out the very same week my contraception had failed and i was pregnant... i called and told him, and he acted very excited. The first two weeks after finding out, he messaged me daily to see how i was feeling. Then the messages stopped. Personally, i was relieved. His mom kept in contact, and literally blew up my facebook daily with random comments on statuses. When i found out the sex i sent him a pic of the sonogram and told him it was a girl. He was less than enthused. He asked me about the last name and i informed him i wasn't giving the baby his last name. He was fine with that, and i never heard from him again until i had a repeat ultrasound a month later and my girl was now a boy, so i messaged him telling him about the messed up sono before and he was actually having a son. He proceeded to flip out on me about the last name and his son period. I hung up from October to January never heard a word. January comes and i get a message asking how the baby was, i let him know i had to go to a specialist because the baby may have a blood disorder (hemophilia). He never replied, and nev heard another thing from him. NOW MY QUESTION IS, SHOULD I CALL HIM TO TELL HIM HIS SON IS HERE AND A WEEK OLD ALREADY, OR CONSIDERING THE FACT HE KNEW MY DUE DATE AND HASN'T HAD ANY CONTACT SINCE JANUARY, DO I JUST GO ABOUT MY BUSINESS AND LET HIM FIND OUT IF OR WHEN HE CALLS??? I ALSO HAD BLOCKED HIS MOTHER ON FACEBOOK DUE TO ANOTHER SITUATION. SHOULD I ATLEAST CALL HER OR SEND A PICTURE OF HIM? SHE TOO KNEW MY DUE DATE,AND HE STILL LIVES WITH HER. I'm JUST WORRIED ABOUT MY BABY BEING EXPOSED TO MY EX'S FOOLISHNESS IF He DECIDES TO STEP UP AND BE A DAD IN ADDITION TO HIS QUICK TEMPER AND CRAZY DRIVING. HE WOULD BE DRIVING 75 MILES ONE WAY WITH MY CHILD. Given the whole story, what would you do if in my place?
by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 6:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 8:17 AM
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If it were me, I'd let him know that I had the baby. I wouldn't do it via email, text, FB, etc. I would call and verbally let him know. When my son passed away...their dad wasn't there (never showed up for the birth and didnt even know that there was a possibility he might not live) and part of me just wanted to send him an obit in the mail. Then I decided to be the bigger person instead of an asshole like him so I called and told him.

Anyway you have every right to protect your child. So if dad doesn't know how to behave like an adult and make sure that his child is safe (if he ends up having contact with him), do what is best for you and your children. Definitely tell him though.  

woodstock525
by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 9:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree.  I would inform him via phone and let it be at that.  Go on about your business.  I would guess that he is living with his mom because he can't afford to live anywhere else, so I wouldn't count on child support.  Plus, if you pursue child support he may very well pursue paternity and visitation.  It's a catch 22, but I would leave sleeping dogs lie.

Shama10
by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

What a tough situation. An unplanned pregnancy is never easy and adding all the drama that has ensued since sure muddies the water, huh? I don't know what the best thing is to do, but have you considered talking to someone about your dilemma? I know Focus offers free counseling to anyone that calls 1-855-771-4357.

Is your son doing well or does he have hemophilia? Keep us posted, k?

{{HUGS}}

Shama

Jenn8604
by Silver Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 10:56 AM
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It's up to you. Do you want him to know? Yes? No?
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LilMamaK
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 11:06 AM
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 I can't even imagine. Personally, I'd let him know that you had the baby. But, be careful as what you agree with him about seeng the baby. If he was that unstable before the baby, and has left you hanging this whole time, he hasn't changed and most likely is way worse. Be careful and protect your self and your kids! GL!

 Mommy to a beautiful daughter (7.5.08), Stepmom to an amazing son(6.5.07), and Angel baby boy(3.6.10)

Callaly
by Jessica on Mar. 13, 2014 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this

If you tell him, do you plan on freely allowing him to be part of the childs life, without court ect?

acmom133
by Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 12:53 PM
1 mom liked this

If I were you I would NOT tell him about his child.  He sounds like a very unstable person.  He could have contacted you at any point in time to check on you,  your wellbeing, and his babies well being. You have been returning his texts / messages.  I would just let it go. Plus,  I would not let him take my child anywhere if he drove that fast with his children in the car.  

RGHJJAmomma
by New Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 2:23 PM
The funny thing is he actually does make very good money at his job. He doesn't pay or help with any of her bills, so his money just gets blown. He doesn know what it is to struggle with money. When he shot the xbox he said he could just buy him another one. The paternity isn't an issue othe than him changing my son's last name. I personally dont feel like he deserves to give him his last name.

Quoting woodstock525:

I agree.  I would inform him via phone and let it be at that.  Go on about your business.  I would guess that he is living with his mom because he can't afford to live anywhere else, so I wouldn't count on child support.  Plus, if you pursue child support he may very well pursue paternity and visitation.  It's a catch 22, but I would leave sleeping dogs lie.

HopeAlive
by on Mar. 13, 2014 at 4:56 PM
1 mom liked this

First of all, congratulations on the arrival of your son! I'm sure he's absolutely precious. :)

I'm sorry to hear the frustrations you're going, through, though...That definitely doesn't sound easy. I know it might be really hard to empathize at this point, but if you were him, what would you prefer to happen?

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Mar. 13, 2014 at 8:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Congratulations on your new addition.

I would let him know. If he decides to take you to court he can argue that you're withholding your son because you never informed him about the birth. Do you think he will try to take the baby?

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