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Dealing with a step mom

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:33 PM
  • 21 Replies

My ex left me and was married 4 months later with another baby on the way. He and his wife have taught my daughter that she is her mom and encourage her to call her that. They do things with her that I should be doing and have flat out told me that they don't give a damn what i think or want. I have also been told many times that she is a better mom and I should not be able to be around her. I have no idea what to do because the houses are so different and I feel they are trying to get her to no like me anymore. I am a full time student so duringthe week i am busy and he has her almost every weekend. I don't have that quality time that i feel he does and I fear my daughter is going to hate me for this. I want more weekend time but I have no idea what i can do to get that time that i feel we need to work on our bond as mother and daughter.  As she gets older I feel this is all taking a toll on her and I feel so bad for that. I just don't know what to do anymore? They don't care what I want and it seems like they have no interest in trying to make things better for my daughter. There are a million more questions i have and could use advice on but we would be here all night long.

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:33 PM
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by Carrie on Mar. 17, 2014 at 7:39 PM

 This is heartbreaking. we are only given one Mother, never can another take that from us.

Can you take some time from school? Maybe go parttime so you can give more time to your daughter.

by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:19 PM
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How did he end up getting her every weekend? Did you agree to that for a reason? I know most of the time around here the weekends are swapped. I would hate to lose my weekends with the kids, no matter what you do, you just don't get quality time during the week. Would getting the custody agreement changed be a possibility? I know often money is a concern, but if you are a student and were taken advantage of during the original custody agreement you might be able to qualify for legal aid. No matter what, I really feel for your situation. My ex started bringing the kids to spend the night with his fiance a month after they met. And it's so hard when they are gone and doing fun things with them instead of here with me. No mother should be separated from her child more than absolutely necessary.
by Silver Member on Mar. 17, 2014 at 8:24 PM
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Thankfully my daughters sm knows her boundaries now

Iam in no position to judge I feel for you the only person you should have to deal with is your ex
by on Mar. 17, 2014 at 11:37 PM
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My friend is a stepmom she doesn't let the kids call her mom she tells them you will always have only one mom but she loves them like her own. Can you change it to every other weekend and a few days during the week?
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by on Mar. 18, 2014 at 12:46 AM
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How does he have all the weekends?  Is there a Court order? You call him your ex, but is he an exhusband or exboyfriend?  If he was just a boyfriend and there's no court order in most states custody automatically goes to mom unless dad petitions the court and gets an order otherwise.  Even if he signed the birth certificate.  I would definitely talk to a lawyer.  I hope it works out.  I couldn't imagine someone coming between me and my dd.

by Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 2:18 AM

Its called parental alienation... check out this website


by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 6:15 AM
What does the court order say? If it says that he gets her every
Weekend then I would go back to court to have it changed. I would also ask the judge to admonish dad and am to behave
by Jessica on Mar. 18, 2014 at 8:47 AM

 Get your custody agreement changed.

This would ERK me. When me and my ex split up, he soon started dating someone and moved in with her and her 2 kids, all of a sudden HE was forcing DD to call her kids her sisters. I told him no they aren't her sisters if they didn't come from me or him.

Eventually, I calmed down and went to speak to the girlfriend, told her (mother to mother, ex to ex) if she could put herself in my shoes how would she feel? that its been 2 minutes they are together and some bonderies need to start happening. They broke up after a year of dating. DD still asked about them ALL the time.

by on Mar. 18, 2014 at 9:43 AM
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He was probably cheating on you with her while you were dating him. His wife got no bargain in the long run trust me. He showed that he starts another relationship without leaving the current one. If he can cheat on you with no conscience, he can do it to her in the long run. He is doing things to make you jealous in the long run. However, I can guarantee you that it is a matter of time before he cheats on his wife and leaves her for the next girlfriend. She will not believe you if you told her this.

by on Mar. 18, 2014 at 11:22 AM
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My ex husband is on his 6th wife and it seems I've been through this with all of them! He tried to buy and bribe ds affections. All I did was try to be the better person, set an example, and show ds how much I loved him. As ds grew, he begin to see his dad for what he was, and I didn't have to say one bad word about him. Stay strong, and hang in there.
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