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Single Moms Single Moms

He came to see her

Posted by on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:09 PM
  • 20 Replies

My dd father came to visit her today at my grandmother's. it was a very good experience and that is what is so important. She is at an age that she is starting to really understand about family and such. I guess I am still so angry about the past but I really want to let it go. I made all the effort for the past five years. I text him pictures. I tell him when we were in town( in state) and most of the time to be ignored. No joke, anyways, I really want her to have a father but it so difficult to accept someone that didnt even want her. Doesn't make an effort, ok two times in about two weeks, but how do I let go of all the hurt and anger. I try to be nice. I really do. I am not bickering with him. He doesn't even call. Has never called.  I have told him when she has been sick or when were were moving or anything pertaining to her. 

How do you let go of the anger and the hurt from the past that it seems so fresh? 

We are all single mom's on here and yes we have only one side of our stories obviously. 

I am not ready to let her go with a stranger and she won't. How do I have her have a relationship with him and I guess the other family with out have all this  resentment? 

by on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
diaperstodating
by Queen24Princes on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Are you venting or do you want advice?
Flylady14
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 6:12 PM


Quoting diaperstodating: Are you venting or do you want advice?

Well, just wanted to know how others deal. 

tiafez
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 8:36 PM

I only have one piece of advice and it comes in the form of my lesson learned. I spent too many years trying to force a man who did not want to be a father to be one and in the end, he still didn't want to be one. Enjoy your child but don't go too far in trying to form a relationship between them. If she asks why he doesn't show or see her ..tell her you don't know becxause you love her so much and love spending time with her and then have some fun. if he wants to make the effort, he will make it. give him the basics: info on major medical, class/school #, major events but don't do what I did; waste too much time and energy trying to make something happen that he can't be bothered to do himself.

Flylady14
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 9:36 PM

Thank you

Quoting tiafez:

I only have one piece of advice and it comes in the form of my lesson learned. I spent too many years trying to force a man who did not want to be a father to be one and in the end, he still didn't want to be one. Enjoy your child but don't go too far in trying to form a relationship between them. If she asks why he doesn't show or see her ..tell her you don't know becxause you love her so much and love spending time with her and then have some fun. if he wants to make the effort, he will make it. give him the basics: info on major medical, class/school #, major events but don't do what I did; waste too much time and energy trying to make something happen that he can't be bothered to do himself.


AdriaJean
by on Mar. 23, 2014 at 9:40 PM

I'm kind of in the same boat. My daughter's father has been consistent with seeing her (after a very inconsistent start) and I feel like eventually he'll be ready to take her for visits. After 4 years, I've been the only one taking care of her and I'm super scared of having to share her. Any tips from other moms?

Blovesyouuu
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 9:46 PM


Quoting AdriaJean:

I'm kind of in the same boat. My daughter's father has been consistent with seeing her (after a very inconsistent start) and I feel like eventually he'll be ready to take her for visits. After 4 years, I've been the only one taking care of her and I'm super scared of having to share her. Any tips from other moms?

Flylady14
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 9:48 PM

Nope. Noone will tell me. I was told by a lawyer never to give visitations with out court papers. 

Quoting AdriaJean:

I'm kind of in the same boat. My daughter's father has been consistent with seeing her (after a very inconsistent start) and I feel like eventually he'll be ready to take her for visits. After 4 years, I've been the only one taking care of her and I'm super scared of having to share her. Any tips from other moms?


Mznaye
by Member on Mar. 23, 2014 at 9:52 PM
Good luck
Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 7:48 AM
2 moms liked this

It's good that he came to see her. I know it's hard but at some point you will have to let go of the past. Holding onto that anger and resentment is no good for you or your daughter. Its easier said than done but it can be done. Just take it one day at a time.

It's time to focus on the present. You aren't supposed to let her go off alone with him because although he's her dad, she doesn't really know him. I get that 100%. However, since he is putting forth the effort to see her...continue to let him do that and try not to bring up what he didn't do in the past. Meet him in a neutral place or your home (if you're comfortable with that).

Allow his family to get to know her. If after you've really put forth the effort and nothing changes, then you can close that door and explain to her your reasons when she's old enough to understand. I know your one side of the story comment is based on what I said but it's true. Yes we're all single moms but sometimes people make things seem worse than they really are. I'm not saying you do that but some people do. They like to make themselves look good and make the dad(s) seem like monsters when sometimes that isn't the case. Anyway I hope things work out for you and your daughter.  

pinklove0015
by Member on Mar. 24, 2014 at 8:58 AM

The bitterness will subside. Just be cautious only let him see her in your home before letting him take her off alone. If she hasn't seen him in awhile there has to be an introductory time so she can get to know him.

Also before letting him get involved have a talk with him to find out if he plans on staying in her life because if not that can really hurt your dd. 

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