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Do I go back?

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 8:02 AM
  • 29 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Would you go back to a deadbeat partner who never helped?

Options:

yes

no

not sure


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 30

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My ex boyfriend and the father of my children text me yesterday saying he missed me and wanted me back, he said he would help out more with the children and be around more.

I haven't replied as I don't know what to do.
Would love some advice on whether I should go back to him or not.
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 8:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
wendythewriter
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 8:06 AM
1 mom liked this

There were a lot of reasons why I left my ex, but the fact that he didn't do anything to help out was one of them. Even if that had been the only reason, I wouldn't go back to him. He'd been given chances to change, to become more involved and be a decent husband and father, and he either didn't take them or he changed and then reverted back to being useless. So I wouldn't waste my time going back just to have him revert again. Wouldn't be worth it to me. 

superdivamom727
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 8:10 AM
1 mom liked this
Lol this post was funny I had a dream my stupid ex did the same thing. Im my dream I told him write me a check for $3000 (covering his half of my child expenses) to cover what I had to pay for my child out of pocket and maybe I will give you 5 min of my time.... but it WILL NOT ever in my life get back with him... it was a reason GOD seperate me and looking back I had no business with such a loser in the first place.
true10ve
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 8:40 AM
1 mom liked this
I didn't go back with him, I told him I would go to counseling with him so we could figure out what made him act the way he did. Basically why he was a selfish a**hole. We did do the counseling for about 6 months off and on, then he started saying they were against him, nobody understands, you need to change too, etc. Tried to remain friends with him, but even that proved impossible. I don't regret giving him a chance to grow into a better person, but in the end they are who they are and nothing is going to change them. So sure he might help more for the first month or two, but then he will go right back to being who he was. Don't just let him back, you will get hurt. If anything say you will be friends for a year or two and if he can keep it up that long then you'll consider dating him. If balks at having to wait that long then you know he's not really ready to stay committed to you and your child and be a mature helpful person in your life.
Heath77
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:43 AM
Idk. I would need more information to decide.
Callaly
by Jessica on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:16 AM
1 mom liked this

 You guys aren't together and he doesn't make time for your kids... do you think that he actually changed as a person while you guys weren't together?

I hate to be harsh BUT he was probably lonely and horny and thought you would give in?

youngmomma863
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:20 AM
Quoting Callaly:

 You guys aren't together and he doesn't make time for your kids... do you think that he actually changed as a person while you guys weren't together?


I hate to be harsh BUT he was probably lonely and horny and thought you would give in?



It has only been a few days since I broke up with him so no I don't think he has changed and I honestly don't think hat he ever will.
I hope that he will start being a good father for the asake of our children.
SwitchbladeMama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 4, 2014 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't revisit old relationships, ever. What's done is done. I don't care who it is.

That being said, I would especially NEVER go back to someone labeled as "deadbeat" -- like, how is this even a question that needs to be asked. Words are just words. I've heard it all, doesn't mean shit to me.


Monsita
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 2:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Before you left, did you help him to understand what specific shores you wanted him to do to help and be involved with the kids?
Before you left, did you help him to get mature, wiser opinions on how to be a good spuse or father from relatives, friends, church leader or marriage conselors??
Before you left, how many chances you give him to be the man, he needs to be in your life?
Answering this question honestly, will help you to either go back or stay away. Best of luck!

Quoting youngmomma863:
Quoting Callaly:

 You guys aren't together and he doesn't make time for your kids... do you think that he actually changed as a person while you guys weren't together?


I hate to be harsh BUT he was probably lonely and horny and thought you would give in?



It has only been a few days since I broke up with him so no I don't think he has changed and I honestly don't think hat he ever will.
I hope that he will start being a good father for the asake of our children.
Nisha929
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 5:11 PM

No one but you can answer the question of whether or not you go back. If you're thinking about going back, I'd suggest that you have him show and prove that he is willing to change. At the end of the day, you have to do what you feel is right for YOU.  

Jenn8604
by on Apr. 4, 2014 at 5:14 PM
1 mom liked this
Look if you want to go back to the same problems you already had go for it. Just don't expect anyone to feel sorry for you when he acts the same way as before if not worse.
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