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Finances While Dating

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:22 AM
  • 27 Replies

For those of you all who have a bf/so/gf whatever, how do you deal with who pays?

I have been independent all my life and am having a hard time when bf pays for things. We were out yesterday and both our daughters were getting something at a store, he paid for both. Out to dinner with 5 kids, he paid for everything (I paid for ice cream afterwards). I just feel like I'm taking advantage of him if he is always paying for things.

by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Heath77
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:41 AM
I had a boyfriend for two years when my ex and I separated and he paid for everything. Even when we took a weekend trip to south beach he paid for my plane ticket and all my food, drinks, hotel, etc. My friend came to spend the Friday night from ft. Lauderdale with us and we all went out and he had never met her, but he paid for all of her drinks and food too. We only went out together though. Our kids didn't know about our relationship. Now I have been seeing one guy two weeks this weekend and he pays for everything, but he has no children and makes good money and i have no idea if he'll ever meet my child since we may not even date long. I don't know. Your situation is more complex than mine since you guys go out with your children. I am used to expect the men to pay for everything unless we are married, but your situation is more unique. I am sure there are moms on here with more
experience on this.
Callaly
by Jessica on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:04 AM
1 mom liked this

 Don't feel like you are taking advantage, because you are aware that it could come off that way just proves that you aren't taking advantage.

Me and SO really didn't go out a ton, but we were very open with money, we got paid on opposite weeks so if there was something to be done on my pay week I paid and if it was his pay week it was him that paid.

Your bf seems so understanding and open so just talk to him about it

teapartydiva524
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this

My boyfriend always pays when we go out.  Unless I tell him specifically if I'm paying but other than that he does.  He makes over double what I do and he doesn't have any kids.  He totally spoils me and, after having an ex husband that never took me anywhere, it would be a lie if I told you I didn't enjoy it.  He knows that financially I'm not able to do things for him to the extent he does them for me so I spoil him other ways.  I'll do his laundry or some other little chore to take something off his plate, I've baked cookies and sent them to his work before, little things like that so he knows he's loved and appreciated.  I guess if I were you I would talk to him about it.  He probably has no clue it bothers you. 

Jenn8604
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:26 AM
I have learned to accept a gentleman paying for me on dates. My very first bf never let me pay for anything he also held open doors.
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krisnkids
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:31 AM

Omg, he holds doors, he gets up when I get up from the table, serves me first ie bread at a restaurant, pumped gas in my truck yesterday, yeah, you get the point.

I almost also think it might be a southern thing. I grew up in the north, lived on the west coast for awhile and have only been here in the south for 4 years. My son joked with him when he opened my car door and he asked my son, "why aren't you opening your sister's doors?"

Quoting Jenn8604: I have learned to accept a gentleman paying for me on dates. My very first bf never let me pay for anything he also held open doors.


faerie75
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 1:27 PM

 when i was dating, i expected the man to pay because he asked me out (i never asked men out) it showed me i was worth their time. but this would be at the stage where he was not meeting my kids. as our kids hung out, id expect to pay for my own but i would appreciate it if he would pay for all. now that we live together we split everything though.

Jenn8604
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 1:37 PM
1 mom liked this
He's a keeper :)

Quoting krisnkids:

Omg, he holds doors, he gets up when I get up from the table, serves me first ie bread at a restaurant, pumped gas in my truck yesterday, yeah, you get the point.

I almost also think it might be a southern thing. I grew up in the north, lived on the west coast for awhile and have only been here in the south for 4 years. My son joked with him when he opened my car door and he asked my son, "why aren't you opening your sister's doors?"

Quoting Jenn8604: I have learned to accept a gentleman paying for me on dates. My very first bf never let me pay for anything he also held open doors.

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mz23
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:05 PM
Sounds pretty standard to me. Thats what men usually do.vi would feel bad ifbo was broke and was literally relying on him. Otherwise, thats just usually how men do At least at first .
tamikadorch26
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:22 PM
2 moms liked this

My question is why? Let the man be a man. He is doing what he should be doing on a date. Why would you be questioning that? If your were on a date with a guy who never came out his pocket to pay for nothing but ordered everything then this would be another type of post. I am very independent but I also know my worth and how I should be treated. This man is showing you that he is a man and is willing to do what a man do. Help out, treat, and spend time with not just you but with your daughter as well. I don't know what to tell you if you never been treated like this before because you should always be treated as a woman and want your daughter to see that. I bet he tells his daughter that she should be with someone who treats her with respect and not a take out, hit it,and never call man. Maybe this is just me.

just4ds10ee
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:33 PM

I'm  very independent as well but there has only been one time I paid for dinner in my ENTIRE lifetime of dating... took my 1st ex out for his birthday ...he'd had a tough year :)  I grew up with a father who was a provider so the men in my life are likewise..

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