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Need Advice!?!?

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2014 at 10:39 AM
  • 11 Replies

How do you explain to your child when they ask were they father is or why don't he come see them? My daughter father hasn't seen her since last sep. and we have a court order stating that he is allowed to see her when he wants but it has to be supervised. I know she going to ask me but I don't know what I will tell her i don't want to bash on him. He was a good father when she was born but all that changed when he decided he wanted to drink, drugs, and also sleep around on me and i couldn't have that aroudn my daughter. Help me please.......

by on Apr. 9, 2014 at 10:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Callaly
by Jessica on Apr. 9, 2014 at 10:49 AM

 I am sorry your going through this, wait until she asks and then just be upfront with her.

nana776
by Member on Apr. 9, 2014 at 11:25 AM

How old is your DD? I would try to explain it in terms that she can understand. I would definitely avoid bashing her dad. Maybe you could use school as a similarity that she would understand. Tell her to imagine that there are two kids that just can't seem to get along so they aren't allowed on the playground unless the Teacher is with them.

babychola2010
by New Member on Apr. 9, 2014 at 11:41 AM

My DD is 7 and i have a feeling she going to ask me soon. It just sucks because i try to invite him to everything and he always comes up with an excuse. Like for her birthday I told him if he needed a ride i would pick him up and he told me he had a ride and when i called him like the 20th time the person that answered the phone told me that he was drunk and couldn't come to the phone. He always bashing me to his family and friends and sometimes i don't get bothered by it but other times i just want to go look for him and slap him around or something and the sad thing about is her dad lives not even 10 mins away.

Nankay
by Member on Apr. 9, 2014 at 1:27 PM

I think using a school example would be a great idea. I might also add that sometimes people don't make good decisions and daddy is trying to work through some things right now but he loves her very much. 

Quoting nana776:

How old is your DD? I would try to explain it in terms that she can understand. I would definitely avoid bashing her dad. Maybe you could use school as a similarity that she would understand. Tell her to imagine that there are two kids that just can't seem to get along so they aren't allowed on the playground unless the Teacher is with them.


amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Apr. 9, 2014 at 2:51 PM

Since she's 7, can she call and talk to him and let him know she misses him and wants to see him? 

You don't have to go into specifics if she asks, just say something along the lines of "I don't know, baby, but I know he loves you."

Quoting babychola2010:

My DD is 7 and i have a feeling she going to ask me soon. It just sucks because i try to invite him to everything and he always comes up with an excuse. Like for her birthday I told him if he needed a ride i would pick him up and he told me he had a ride and when i called him like the 20th time the person that answered the phone told me that he was drunk and couldn't come to the phone. He always bashing me to his family and friends and sometimes i don't get bothered by it but other times i just want to go look for him and slap him around or something and the sad thing about is her dad lives not even 10 mins away.


Shy_Dia
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2014 at 3:22 PM
Granted he's not ds' biological dad but when he asks why my ex hasn't been around to see him (it went from almost every week to now where he hasn't come over in over a month. Sigh)... I just tell ds that he's super busy (which is true- work, school, dealing with the death of his sister, social life, etc... I just wish he could find some time for ds and stick with it)

Anyways, ds is pretty content with that. Every so often, I also let him call so they ask have that basic communication.
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 9, 2014 at 11:51 PM
I tell DS if he asks his dad loves him but wasn't ready to be a dad. DS doesn't know any different
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babychola2010
by New Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 9:42 AM

We have tried contacting him and his phone is either disconnected or he changed it. I also tried contacting him threw his family and they just told me if he wants to talk to me or her he would've already and to stop calling.

Quoting amonkeymom:

Since she's 7, can she call and talk to him and let him know she misses him and wants to see him? 

You don't have to go into specifics if she asks, just say something along the lines of "I don't know, baby, but I know he loves you."

Quoting babychola2010:

My DD is 7 and i have a feeling she going to ask me soon. It just sucks because i try to invite him to everything and he always comes up with an excuse. Like for her birthday I told him if he needed a ride i would pick him up and he told me he had a ride and when i called him like the 20th time the person that answered the phone told me that he was drunk and couldn't come to the phone. He always bashing me to his family and friends and sometimes i don't get bothered by it but other times i just want to go look for him and slap him around or something and the sad thing about is her dad lives not even 10 mins away.

 

Monsita
by Bronze Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 10:28 AM
It is true.
Just stop....

Wish for the best and until then, just tell your child "I do not know why Dad is not here....or stopping by" which is true.

Do not tell her, but I know he loves you, NO!
Why? Because at the end, you do not want your child to start beliving this is what LOVE looks like, feels like.
Please talk to a child conselor and find ways to work on helping her...
Best of luck!

Quoting babychola2010:

We have tried contacting him and his phone is either disconnected or he changed it. I also tried contacting him threw his family and they just told me if he wants to talk to me or her he would've already and to stop calling.


Quoting amonkeymom:

Since she's 7, can she call and talk to him and let him know she misses him and wants to see him? 


You don't have to go into specifics if she asks, just say something along the lines of "I don't know, baby, but I know he loves you."


Quoting babychola2010:

My DD is 7 and i have a feeling she going to ask me soon. It just sucks because i try to invite him to everything and he always comes up with an excuse. Like for her birthday I told him if he needed a ride i would pick him up and he told me he had a ride and when i called him like the 20th time the person that answered the phone told me that he was drunk and couldn't come to the phone. He always bashing me to his family and friends and sometimes i don't get bothered by it but other times i just want to go look for him and slap him around or something and the sad thing about is her dad lives not even 10 mins away.



 

amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:21 PM

Aw, that just makes me sad. :(

Quoting babychola2010:

We have tried contacting him and his phone is either disconnected or he changed it. I also tried contacting him threw his family and they just told me if he wants to talk to me or her he would've already and to stop calling.

Quoting amonkeymom:

Since she's 7, can she call and talk to him and let him know she misses him and wants to see him? 

You don't have to go into specifics if she asks, just say something along the lines of "I don't know, baby, but I know he loves you."

Quoting babychola2010:

My DD is 7 and i have a feeling she going to ask me soon. It just sucks because i try to invite him to everything and he always comes up with an excuse. Like for her birthday I told him if he needed a ride i would pick him up and he told me he had a ride and when i called him like the 20th time the person that answered the phone told me that he was drunk and couldn't come to the phone. He always bashing me to his family and friends and sometimes i don't get bothered by it but other times i just want to go look for him and slap him around or something and the sad thing about is her dad lives not even 10 mins away.



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