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Single Moms Single Moms

Single Mom and Dating

Posted by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:16 PM
  • 20 Replies

Hi Ladies,

I would like your feedback on dating life for single mothers. I'm 30 yrs old, pregnant from a 49 yr old man I've been seeing for 2.5 yrs. Our relationship has been difficult due to him lying and cheating. We stayed together, he promised to change, things are better but he struggles with monogamy. I think it's safe to assume we will eventually breakup. So if I know we are breaking up should I have a child with him or terminate the pregnancy? I ultimately do want to find a good man and have a family but I wonder if having a child from a previous relationship will make this difficult. I know it's possible to find a partner but I just want to learn from others experiences. If you knew your relationship was going to end, would you still have the child? When you're a single mom how do "good" men react to single mothers? Any input you have is greatly appreciated. Thank you!

 

by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:33 PM

To me there is never a choice to terminate a pregnancy, but that's me.

Good men are out there, sometimes you have to dig a little but they are. I have 4 children from my marriage to my ex. THAT scares many many men off. But, I am now dating a wonderful man who just yesterday was driving my truck with 7 kids in it, my 4, his two and his dd's bf. Their ages are 9, 12, 14, 14, 16, 16, 17. Halfway across town he looks at me, shakes his head and comments on the hormones in the truck. It took me awhile to find such a great guy, but it was worth it.

Callaly
by Jessica on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:44 PM

 I personally think that if you make the choice to have a child in a relationship that you are already claiming will not work out you need to really focus on a child, the first year of a childs life I really doubt you will find anytime to date. Basically your whole life is going to change and yes it will be harder to find a man that will right for your situation.

 

xyxyxx
by Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:45 PM

I was pregnant with my 3rd child when my now ex and I separated.  In one of our heated arguments he told me that I should get an abortion or at the very least put the child up for adoption.  (BTW he is the father of all 3).  For me that was the nail in the coffin so to speak of the end of our relationship as he knew that was not a choice I would make.  I am all for the right to choose, however, I have always wanted to be a mom and that was not a decision I could make for myself.  With that said I now have 3 kids and am finally divorced after 5 years and I am still not dating.  I do not put in a whole lot of effort though and do wonder who will want someone with 3 kids.  I have faith that I will meet someone who will love me and my kids because I have known and heard too many stories of that happening to not believe it will happen to me.  I do not envy your position, but whatever choice you make has got to be one you live with.  HUGS! 

sid1083
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 3:48 PM

So here's the deal - for every single mother, there is a single father. Naturally, the older you get, the more likely it is that men your age will also have kids. Is dating harder with kids? Absolutely. But good men will come around regardless of whether you have a kid or not. Do what YOU want to do - personally, I wouldn't base my continuing a pregnancy solely based on the potential men I could be dating down the road.

What are YOUR priorities here? 

teapartydiva524
by Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 3:54 PM

This.  And, for the record, I would have had my dd even if it meant I never went on another date again.

Quoting sid1083:

So here's the deal - for every single mother, there is a single father. Naturally, the older you get, the more likely it is that men your age will also have kids. Is dating harder with kids? Absolutely. But good men will come around regardless of whether you have a kid or not. Do what YOU want to do - personally, I wouldn't base my continuing a pregnancy solely based on the potential men I could be dating down the road.What are YOUR priorities here? 


LifeCafe42
by Nora on Apr. 22, 2014 at 12:01 AM
3 moms liked this
the moment I knew I was pregnant I knew I would be doing it all by myself I decided that keeping him was what was best for me. It's been 4 years and I am still single but I wouldn't have it any other way I love my life and my little family
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quickbooksworm
by Bronze Member on Apr. 22, 2014 at 12:05 AM
I think something to consider is what type of father and ex he will be. Is he someone who can he trusted to care for a small child? He will have just as much rights to the child as you. Will he be in and out of your child's life or will be there?
lnrmom
by on Apr. 22, 2014 at 12:06 AM
This. That is a VERY personal decision. One I would never hope to make.

With my oldest I knew I'd be solo. My now ex husband married me with a kid. We now have a daughter too. While we didn't work out, I have had more than one long term relationship with good men, all of which lasted longer than my marriage.

Don't let fear of being alone be the reason you terminate a pregnancy. If nothing else, consider adoption. I'm pro choice, but please consider all your options.

Quoting sid1083:

So here's the deal - for every single mother, there is a single father. Naturally, the older you get, the more likely it is that men your age will also have kids. Is dating harder with kids? Absolutely. But good men will come around regardless of whether you have a kid or not. Do what YOU want to do - personally, I wouldn't base my continuing a pregnancy solely based on the potential men I could be dating down the road.What are YOUR priorities here? 

Heath77
by on Apr. 22, 2014 at 12:48 AM
I got pregnant when I was leaving my now ex husband. I still kept my son and should have divorced him right after I had my son since in my state you can't get divorced till the child is born if you're pregnant. So I was planning to leave my ex and I was 29 and not giving up my child. If I was younger then maybe I would have taken a different decision. I was older though and I knew if I had to I could raise my son on my own. I didn't want to be a single mom though so I stayed with my ex after my son was born for a few years. I knew my ex and I would eventually go our separate ways and when I was pregnant I worried too that it would be hard to find another. I have dated some though and its easier than I thought. I have a second date with a man who has a child later this week so I'd say you can find love being a single mom. Many of my friends who married out of high school and has kids are happily in their second marriages.
Heath77
by on Apr. 22, 2014 at 12:50 AM
I don't think this when I was pregnant, but it is so true.

Quoting sid1083:

So here's the deal - for every single mother, there is a single father. Naturally, the older you get, the more likely it is that men your age will also have kids. Is dating harder with kids? Absolutely. But good men will come around regardless of whether you have a kid or not. Do what YOU want to do - personally, I wouldn't base my continuing a pregnancy solely based on the potential men I could be dating down the road.What are YOUR priorities here? 

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