Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

What do I do?! *Kinda Update*

Posted by on May. 26, 2014 at 10:02 AM
  • 37 Replies

I met my SO's kids on Mother's Day and have seen them every Sunday since. Well yesterday we were hanging out and having fun until his DD said something along the lines of "Next summer can Miranda come for a fire at our house?" (I haven't been to his place yet cuz he said it's "trashed" from his brother) and it just kinda struck a nerve with me. I continued eating my ice cream (YES, I was sugaring them up before they went to their mom's for the night) and just went quiet.
Well after that SO made a joke about them staying the night at my house and the kids were all for it. Well long story short I live with my dad, stepmom, brother and sister so there's not a whole lot of space for 3 extra people to be crashing which I tried to explain to his 8 year old WELL now she thinks I don't like her cuz she couldn't stay and I'm at a loss for what to do to fix this... I told him maybe next weekend we can find and tent and him, his son, and my son can all camp in the yard and then me and his DD can do something inside (I wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping in bed with him the first time the kids stay over anyways).
Basically I'm just at a loss... What can I do?


*Update* 
Well, apparently I did something right... Yesterday at their aunt's house during their cookout his daughter asked to come back to my house to go swimming in the lake again (he said no cuz he's working today) and then she went straight to "Can she be my stepmom?" I am FLOORED! It went from "Miranda doesn't like me." to Wow!... 

THEN I took my dad dinner @ work and called my BF when I got home and I heard his daughter in HYSTERICS in the background. Her mom had promised to pick her up for another cookout with her people and decided not to come pick her up. Well it went from "Please come get me." to "You never want to come get us, at least Miranda wants to do stuff with us." Once again my jaw dropped... I wasn't even involved on that one... SMH but it's a real shame when a mom CAN come get her kids and won't...  

by on May. 26, 2014 at 10:02 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
CampClan
by Bronze Member on May. 26, 2014 at 10:05 AM
I would be setting him down & telling him he threw you under the bus by suggesting that on the spot without discussing it & confront of the kids no less.

Then I would be rethinking why you never go to his place. If it's so "trashed" then he needs to have his brother clean it up & maybe even leave.
Mira_B
by Member on May. 26, 2014 at 10:09 AM
I did talk to him about it and he said he only said it cuz he didn't think they would agree to it.

And I've seen pics of some of the mess and he owns his grandparents house which his brother lived in for awhile and moved out so he has to clean up the mess... His kids even told me it was pretty bad. I told him I don't care about that but he's a stubborn ass.

Quoting CampClan: I would be setting him down & telling him he threw you under the bus by suggesting that on the spot without discussing it & confront of the kids no less.

Then I would be rethinking why you never go to his place. If it's so "trashed" then he needs to have his brother clean it up & maybe even leave.
MommyChance
by Member on May. 26, 2014 at 10:12 AM
I'd offer to help clean it. His kids shouldn't have to come home to that.
Mira_B
by Member on May. 26, 2014 at 10:15 AM
I have multiple times and he said I play Cinderella all the time at my dad's house and that it isn't my mess so he doesn't want me cleaning it and that he's trying to make his home my home..

Quoting MommyChance: I'd offer to help clean it. His kids shouldn't have to come home to that.
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on May. 26, 2014 at 10:19 AM
Um unless you havr your own place,.his children and him do not.need to be staying at your house in any capacity.

I would also set him down and let him know that he needs to get his place together.
MommyChance
by Member on May. 26, 2014 at 10:24 AM
If the ultimate goal is to make that home a family home, it can be done together. Tell him you would happy to work together in creating a home. If he wants you to move in when he's done, then tell him the faster you two can work together to do it the less time you'll have playing Cinderella.

Quoting Mira_B: I have multiple times and he said I play Cinderella all the time at my dad's house and that it isn't my mess so he doesn't want me cleaning it and that he's trying to make his home my home..

Quoting MommyChance: I'd offer to help clean it. His kids shouldn't have to come home to that.
Callaly
by Jessica on May. 26, 2014 at 10:26 AM

 He made an honest mistake by getting excited and mentioning that to the kids, now it was his mistake and he needs to fix it. Tell him that he needs to tell his DD that he made the mistake and that it wasn't right to mention a sleep over because your house is pretty full and there isn't really anywhere they can sleep.

I do like the idea of the tent tho!

Mira_B
by Member on May. 26, 2014 at 11:13 AM
I did as soon as he said it. I told him that I would love for them to stay but there isn't really anywhere for them to sleep. And he told her that but somehow that turns into "She doesn't like me."

I honestly think part of it was her mother twisting screws also, but I'm not certain. Cuz it wasn't an hour after he dropped them with her that it came up.

Quoting Callaly:

 He made an honest mistake by getting excited and mentioning that to the kids, now it was his mistake and he needs to fix it. Tell him that he needs to tell his DD that he made the mistake and that it wasn't right to mention a sleep over because your house is pretty full and there isn't really anywhere they can sleep.


I do like the idea of the tent tho!

Mira_B
by Member on May. 26, 2014 at 11:14 AM
I have said all of the above and he's said it's more of an embarrassment and I shouldn't have to see it like that... Idk. It's frustrating but he tells me he does want me to come over soon...

Quoting MommyChance: If the ultimate goal is to make that home a family home, it can be done together. Tell him you would happy to work together in creating a home. If he wants you to move in when he's done, then tell him the faster you two can work together to do it the less time you'll have playing Cinderella.

Quoting Mira_B: I have multiple times and he said I play Cinderella all the time at my dad's house and that it isn't my mess so he doesn't want me cleaning it and that he's trying to make his home my home..

Quoting MommyChance: I'd offer to help clean it. His kids shouldn't have to come home to that.
Callaly
by Jessica on May. 26, 2014 at 11:17 AM

 Its possible that its the mother.

I do not know how you do it dating someone with kids lol I couldn't and ive told SO lots of times hes lucky hes waiting to have kids because other wise I would of had to pass him up. Kids are wonderful but can add complications in a relationship ESP. when both of the exs (kids parents) on both sides are involved. Too much for me lol

Quoting Mira_B: I did as soon as he said it. I told him that I would love for them to stay but there isn't really anywhere for them to sleep. And he told her that but somehow that turns into "She doesn't like me." I honestly think part of it was her mother twisting screws also, but I'm not certain. Cuz it wasn't an hour after he dropped them with her that it came up.
Quoting Callaly:

 He made an honest mistake by getting excited and mentioning that to the kids, now it was his mistake and he needs to fix it. Tell him that he needs to tell his DD that he made the mistake and that it wasn't right to mention a sleep over because your house is pretty full and there isn't really anywhere they can sleep.

I do like the idea of the tent tho!

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN