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I need to give up this ideal family crap!

Posted by on May. 31, 2014 at 8:53 PM
  • 14 Replies
I'm in shock, I cannot believe I'm going to be a single mom. Cannot believe my daughter will not have a dad. I'm reeling. Feeling a little lost. Some days I'm excited, the idea of doing so many things with my dd bring me so much joy. Other days, I cannot sleep. I'm so scared of how this will affect my dd. How It will affect me, my life, my romantic life. Will I ever trust again? Find a good guy? Will dd understand and thrive even without him? So many questions. So worried and sad.
by on May. 31, 2014 at 8:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Heath77
by on May. 31, 2014 at 9:04 PM
I felt like that too. I never thought I'd be divorced. My life was wonderful married with my son minus the issues with my ex. Everything else was good except my relationship with my ex. My life is completely different now post divorce. I miss my old life sometimes and things haven't happened as I imagined but I can honestly say I am happy. Its not my ideal, but its not awful either. Ideally my ex would have gotten his act together so we could be a family but he didn't. ,
GoldenLinds
by Member on May. 31, 2014 at 9:11 PM
2 moms liked this
I can understand your fears. Here's what I think. If you can wake up and look at your baby girl with perfect love then that is the ideal family. If you go on as if you two are a perfect match and make each other complete she wont feel a loss. Where as if you continuously feel as if there is something missing then so will she. And dont worry about a guy yet. Worry about raising a young woman who doesn't struggle from or with your own insecurities as best you can. And then when you put the two of you first the right guy will come along. I know it sounds cliche and romantic but I truly believe it and I just think its practical and necessary.
cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jun. 1, 2014 at 12:17 AM

Being a single mom can be overwhelming at times. When you think about your ex remember all the reasons you're not together

deltathree
by Gold Member on Jun. 1, 2014 at 9:47 AM

hugs

mrsary
by Silver Member on Jun. 1, 2014 at 9:48 AM
1 mom liked this
Your daughter will still have a dad. She just won't see him as much.
rachel216
by Member on Jun. 1, 2014 at 12:44 PM
I have been a single mom for 6yrs (basically) my oldest dds dad and i broke up when she was 2months old and i raised her all on my own pretty much,her dad is in and out and i.finally had to say enough is enough and tell him to completely stay out of her life for her sake. I was in a 3yr relationship with my youngest dd dad for over 3yrs thought he was the one and well lets just say im a single mom of two now. Things aren't always easy but we get threw our day to day issues and one day my kids will have a real man in their life to call dad(if they choose to call them that) ...my point is everything will be just fine ..idk your situation but maybe your dds dad will still be in the picture if not just go.day by day and thungs will look up
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 1, 2014 at 1:46 PM
1 mom liked this
I think looking for the "ideal" thing in life will always set you up for failure. Looking for what makes you happy, your children secure and life good is what we all need. Ideal indicates perfection to me. We all know there is no such thing as perfection in real life.
OwensMom325
by Member on Jun. 1, 2014 at 10:13 PM
The struggle is real. I been on this roller coaster BAD the past couple weeks. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be a single mom or deal with 1/10 of the bull I have through my pregnancy and 2 months of ds life. I'm just trying to remember that no matter what happens in our lives, it will make me stronger for him. Hopefully one day I will find a Godly mam who will love me and my baby like his son but if not, I'll be fine with this little dude forever :)
lulubird83
by Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this

I felt the same way, but you do get to a point where you just accept that this is what it is. You tried your best, but he left. It was his choice and he has to live with that. Your kids have you as a constant and you will do your best to raise them. He is the one that is going to have to face the kid's questions one day. He's the one that should feel ashamed of himself.

SomethingSoReal
by Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 8:47 PM

 I couldnt have said this any better. Wow! I actually needed this as well. Just like GoldenLinds said dont worry about a man right now. I kept getting back in the relationship with my kids father no matter how messed up it was because I simply didnt want my children to be without their father and boy am I regretting that. I wish I would have saw my family complete as it was just me and my 2 kids. My children suffered alot because of my decisions and now I feel like I am trying to make up for it. There was so much time lost. Time that I cannot get back. Your daughter is all that you need at this point.

Quoting GoldenLinds: I can understand your fears. Here's what I think. If you can wake up and look at your baby girl with perfect love then that is the ideal family. If you go on as if you two are a perfect match and make each other complete she wont feel a loss. Where as if you continuously feel as if there is something missing then so will she. And dont worry about a guy yet. Worry about raising a young woman who doesn't struggle from or with your own insecurities as best you can. And then when you put the two of you first the right guy will come along. I know it sounds cliche and romantic but I truly believe it and I just think its practical and necessary.

 

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