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Meeting Ex's SO

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2014 at 8:36 AM
  • 31 Replies

 

Poll

Question: As a parent, do you have the right to meet your ex's bf/gf so you know who they are around when they are with their other parent?

Options:

Yes

No


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 31

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Curious. What do you all think. Do you have a right to meet your ex's so? Does your ex have a right to meet your so?

If you didn't read my other post of "oh how he tries" this whole question came about because my ex was trying to be an ass and demand that he meets my bf because he wants to know what kind of guy he is. I'm half tempted to send him a pic of some bad ass biker dude. But I'm pretty sure he has fb stalked me so he has seen a pic of him.

by on Jun. 3, 2014 at 8:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Callaly
by Jessica on Jun. 3, 2014 at 8:42 AM

 In my case, when my ex was dating and living with his now more recent ex, I needed to know who it was around my kid. My ex however didn't really mind, before they met my ex sent me a text saying that I probably have a child molester as a boyfriend and to never leave SO and DD alone because of my choice in men. Well obviously I didn't like that, and I replied to him "Well that says alot... I did pick you at one point"

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 8:46 AM

Lol. I love it when they make fools out of themselves like that. Our 'taste in men" tends to include our exes.

I have a feeling no matter what my ex will be an ass. It's just his nature. I think him not knowing will be better or it could be very wrong. Hopefully the kids don't hear a lot of crap, they like my bf.

Quoting Callaly:

 In my case, when my ex was dating and living with his now more recent ex, I needed to know who it was around my kid. My ex however didn't really mind, before they met my ex sent me a text saying that I probably have a child molester as a boyfriend and to never leave SO and DD alone because of my choice in men. Well obviously I didn't like that, and I replied to him "Well that says alot... I did pick you at one point"


wendythewriter
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 8:55 AM

I think it depends. As an example, my ex (the father of my kids) had a friend who was being charged with making and distributing child porn. That friend was eventually convicted, and my ex was questioned because the friend had stored computers at my ex's parents house. Given that, I think I could easily convince a judge that yes, I do have a right to meet anyone my ex is going to bring around my kids (though my ex never sees me kids so it's not an issue). He's proven that he either has no judgment when it comes to friends or that he's okay with putting kids in danger, so yes, I feel I have every right to meet the people he wants to bring around my children so that I can determine if my children will be safe. Am I perfect in judgment? Of course not. But I obviously have better judgment than he does. 

A situation like yours though? That's just your ex trying to be an ass, and no, I don't think he has a right to meet your boyfriend. I do think that when relationships become serious, introducing the new boyfriend to the ex is a good idea, but only because everyone needs to be able to work together and be on the same page, and that's hard to do if they never meet. But it's more of a courtesy meet than a "let me decide if you're bringing a horrible person into my kids' lives" thing. 

Callaly
by Jessica on Jun. 3, 2014 at 8:55 AM

 My ex couldn't be an ass really because my ex is french and SO is english so the communication isn't 100% lol

I really hope that your ex will see that the kids are there are be as respectful as possible, after all your BF has been spending more time than your ex has been. Do you worry that while they are over there that your ex will put ideas in their head or talk bad about you? This is something I worry about when DD is older.

 

Quoting krisnkids:

Lol. I love it when they make fools out of themselves like that. Our 'taste in men" tends to include our exes.

I have a feeling no matter what my ex will be an ass. It's just his nature. I think him not knowing will be better or it could be very wrong. Hopefully the kids don't hear a lot of crap, they like my bf.

Quoting Callaly:

 In my case, when my ex was dating and living with his now more recent ex, I needed to know who it was around my kid. My ex however didn't really mind, before they met my ex sent me a text saying that I probably have a child molester as a boyfriend and to never leave SO and DD alone because of my choice in men. Well obviously I didn't like that, and I replied to him "Well that says alot... I did pick you at one point"

 

 

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 8:59 AM

Its a gurantee that my ex will put ideas in their head and talk bad about me to them. He's done it in the past, I don't think there's been a visit when he hasn't. Not much I can do about it.

Quoting Callaly:

 My ex couldn't be an ass really because my ex is french and SO is english so the communication isn't 100% lol

I really hope that your ex will see that the kids are there are be as respectful as possible, after all your BF has been spending more time than your ex has been. Do you worry that while they are over there that your ex will put ideas in their head or talk bad about you? This is something I worry about when DD is older.

 

Quoting krisnkids:

Lol. I love it when they make fools out of themselves like that. Our 'taste in men" tends to include our exes.

I have a feeling no matter what my ex will be an ass. It's just his nature. I think him not knowing will be better or it could be very wrong. Hopefully the kids don't hear a lot of crap, they like my bf.

Quoting Callaly:

 In my case, when my ex was dating and living with his now more recent ex, I needed to know who it was around my kid. My ex however didn't really mind, before they met my ex sent me a text saying that I probably have a child molester as a boyfriend and to never leave SO and DD alone because of my choice in men. Well obviously I didn't like that, and I replied to him "Well that says alot... I did pick you at one point"


 


krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 9:02 AM

I agree its just a courtesy. My bf and I were planning on him going anyways because we are taking a much needed weekend off. We're dropping kids with their dad and then taking our time coming back to our town. He is going to get what he wants despite being an ass about it because it was already planned.

Quoting wendythewriter:

I think it depends. As an example, my ex (the father of my kids) had a friend who was being charged with making and distributing child porn. That friend was eventually convicted, and my ex was questioned because the friend had stored computers at my ex's parents house. Given that, I think I could easily convince a judge that yes, I do have a right to meet anyone my ex is going to bring around my kids (though my ex never sees me kids so it's not an issue). He's proven that he either has no judgment when it comes to friends or that he's okay with putting kids in danger, so yes, I feel I have every right to meet the people he wants to bring around my children so that I can determine if my children will be safe. Am I perfect in judgment? Of course not. But I obviously have better judgment than he does. 

A situation like yours though? That's just your ex trying to be an ass, and no, I don't think he has a right to meet your boyfriend. I do think that when relationships become serious, introducing the new boyfriend to the ex is a good idea, but only because everyone needs to be able to work together and be on the same page, and that's hard to do if they never meet. But it's more of a courtesy meet than a "let me decide if you're bringing a horrible person into my kids' lives" thing. 


sid1083
by Silver Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 3:32 PM

I wouldn't go so far to say it's a "right" . . . courtesy, perhaps.

That being said, I also understand the need for privacy. My own situation is kind of a double standard, but I think the involvement of parents do matter with this.

idomatter
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 4:26 PM

Well, let's see, putting the shoe on the other foot, I always wanted to kind of know about the women who followed after me. Sometimes I met them and wasn't expecting to. Our situation was kind of weird though because after we got divorced we still got together when we could, so I heard alot about the women when he'd call me, like if she was crazy or they got in a fight. We'd share a laugh about it-that's how deep our connection was.

With his new chick, he didn't call me anymore. I had to dig up info on her and since I work in a law firm I have access to a lot of public records so I kind of put together an idea of who she was. Boy was she pissed when she found out my ex let it slip that she had 3 kids, even though only one lived with her/them. She has, to this day, refused to utter a word to me. They've been together three years.

So, anyway, fuck your ass of an ex, right?! He's just posturing.

 

Frances0923
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 6:09 PM
Absolutely. Both parents have the right to meet the newbies.
superdivamom727
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 7:27 PM
Yup as a parent you have the right know who your kid is around !!! But to be quite honest I just want to see what tha bitch look like !!! No reason in particular !!! But honestly if she had the nerve to treat my child bad then the ex and the bitch would have a huge PROBLEM to say the least !!!!
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