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Do I have to give BD this info???? UPDATE

Posted by on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:06 AM
  • 41 Replies


BD is now requesting to have SO's phone number, place of employment, and address. Do I have to give BD this information? I honestly DO NOT feel comfortable giving BD this info, and I don't see the reason that he needs to have this information. He says it would be for "in case of any emergency", but why wouldn't he just call me? 

He is a minipulator, and a liar. And personally SO and I are worried that if BD does get his info then he could possible get a restraining order against SO for made up reasons, like BD did to me a couple months ago. 

SO does hang out/ watch DS for me on occasion, but it's mostly so they can bond and if I want/need to get other things done. I never go out of town and leave DS in the care of SO. ( If I did that, then BD would have a right to have SO's number, but I don't).

Their is nothing in the CO that states that I need to give him this information at all. It only states in the CO that if one parent cannot take his/her parenting time that the other parent gets ROFR. if that parent does not take ROFR then the other parent has to find care for the child and supply the other parent with the address and contact number in which the child would be cared at. This is the only reason that I have BD's gf's phone number. And honestly I know what she does for a living but I do not know her place of employment... 

I think he's just wanting to gain more control or something...but that's just my opinion. 

EDIT: 

Just because I didn't state exactly what the CO states. it states that ROFR is only granted if the parent will not be able to care for the child for a certian amount of hours that leads to an over night. If i was unable to care for DS and wasn't going to be home for the whole night, then yes BD should have SO's phone number. 

some questions for you ladies that did respond... So if you're saying that SO takes DS to his house for a couple hours I have to give BD his phone number? why, it's my parenting time and I'm allowing it. He's not caring for him at his house, he's taking him their for a couple hours because he builds race cars and DS likes to help. 

also, my parents take DS sometimes during the day, BD doesn't have their number or address. 

BD takes DS to his grandparents house, and they watch DS for him sometimes. I don't have their address or phone number. 

I understand to a point where you are coming from, but I do not need to inform BD of everythng that we do, or where DS will be at all times unless someone is actually caring for him due to me being gone for an over night or days at a time. 

UPDATE: 

Thank you everyone for all the responses and opinions. I have really thought about this and we are still not comfortable giving out SO's phone number. One thing I also forgot to mention is that in our current CO it actually states no phone contact (because he abused it previously) and to only communicate thru email. So we decided to just give BD SO's email address. Honestly their is no reason BD will ever have to contact SO, but just for his peace of mind we will give him that. Our CO is to every detail down to times and locatons where pick ups take place. The only time the 'time' might change is if BD wants to take DS during my time and I say yes, but pick up location is always the same. 

If when we go to court in August he brings it up and the judge says we have to give the number then we will. But I think that an email should suffice. Honestly if BD decides to call to talk to DS he doesn't need to be calling SO, he can call my phone and if I am not with SO and DS then I can have DS call him back, as it states in the CO before bed time. (he used to call a million times to talk to DS, and when we are busy I don't answer, but always have DS call BD when we are not busy or before bed time). 

Anyways, thank you. I appreciate it. I'm sure BD will eventually get SO's number but right now we are just not comfortable with it becuase of all the BS he's pulled. But we will give an email address, and it is linked to SO's phone. 

by on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
happymommy1105
by Gold Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:10 AM
At first I was going to say no.

But your co states that he have the number of anybody caring for the child. So I would say he is entitled to his phone number.
Peppy11
by on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:11 AM

Is your SO watching your child in your home? If so, then the home phone number would suffice.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:13 AM

At first I too was going to say no he doesn't. But you have his gf's phone number? What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

AJsMom81507
by Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:20 AM

if your SO takes the child in the car without you present then yes the BD has the right to his phone number, if SO takes the child to his home, he has the right to his address.

if SO does not take child from your home at all, all you need to do is supply BD with home phone and your address of where the child will be cared for.

you CO specifically states "in which the child would be cared at" not by cared from.

harleigh07
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:21 AM

No, in the CO it states that if the parent is unable to care for the child the other gets ROFR. I guess I should have stated the whole thing. I only get ROFR if BD isn't in town because of his job, and isn't home for days at a time. That is the only reason i have his gf phone number because i had allowed her to watch DS for a couple days on BD's time. ROFR is specifically put that it is given if the parent is unable to care for the child for a certain amount of hours and that it goes over night. 

SO has never watched DS for me for days in a row. Maybe for a couple hours while I do running around, or if SO chooses to pick up DS from school instead of him going to after school care while I'm still at work, and home only 3 hours later.

So you're saying that if SO and I get a baby sitter for a couple hours at night then I need to let BD know and give him the baby sitter phone number? 

Quoting happymommy1105: At first I was going to say no. But your co states that he have the number of anybody caring for the child. So I would say he is entitled to his phone number.


kfrog13
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:23 AM

I'd say number yes. The rest is too much information in my opinion. After having my future ex husband steal my identity, I'd be very wary of giving him so much information on someone in my life. I know some of it could be easily found out, but still no. The address and work place sound fishy to me.

Meg2011425
by Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:26 AM
Unless you have a restraining order then yes. I have had that same issue with ex. But if he does anything stupid he will have a restraining order.
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Meg2011425
by Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:26 AM
Number us simple but the rest-- no!
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harleigh07
by Bronze Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:29 AM

exactly.... which is why I don't want to give him any of it. I do not trust him in the least. 

Quoting kfrog13:

I'd say number yes. The rest is too much information in my opinion. After having my future ex husband steal my identity, I'd be very wary of giving him so much information on someone in my life. I know some of it could be easily found out, but still no. The address and work place sound fishy to me.


Mira_B
by Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this

No, I don't think he necessarily needs it.  It'll just lead to more drama and stuff in the future. 

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