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Who's my daddy?

Posted by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:10 AM
  • 12 Replies
Because of all the talk centered around daddies for father's day, I think, my two year old son has been asking me who his daddy is. Since his father is utterly uninvolved, I really don't know how to respond to him. Does anyone have any suggestions?
by on Jun. 16, 2014 at 2:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Callaly
by Jessica on Jun. 16, 2014 at 8:34 AM

 Do you have a picture of him? Maybe show him a picture and tell him that he isn't around because he wasn't ready to be a daddy?
I believe no matter the age to be completely honest and provide age appropriate answers.

kylensmom1229
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 8:43 AM

I have the same situation.

One time when I was dropping him off at daycare, hesaw one of the other kids being brought in by their father and asked "Is he my daddy too?"  My son also asked one time if his NeNe (his grandma-  my mom) was his daddy.

He is 3 and a half, and while I don't believe that is an appropriate age to tell him the truth, I also don't want to lie to him. In order to establish a trusting relationship through out life, I have vowed to be as honest with him as I can, while being age-appropriate. So, I told him, "You do have a daddy. Everyone has a daddy. But  yours just doesn't live here at our house, that's all!" And that was sufficient enough to satisfy his question. As he gets older, I'm sure he will ask more questions, but for now that quenched his curiousity. I think it also helps that my dad is also not around, so he sees that Mommy's daddy doesn't live here either, and he can relate. He sees that some daddy's live with kids, some don't. Some kids don't get to have their grandma's live with them either. Everyone has their own special family, but whoever that family happens to be, he knows he is loved by them unconditionally.

kylensmom1229
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 8:47 AM

 I definitely agree with being honest, but I think holding back certain info is ok too, maybe even necessary. I think telling a 2 yr old that he wasn't ready to be daddy is too complicated for him to understand and might confuse him. I think it can be done without that info til he is old enough to grasp the concept

Quoting Callaly:

 Do you have a picture of him? Maybe show him a picture and tell him that he isn't around because he wasn't ready to be a daddy?I believe no matter the age to be completely honest and provide age appropriate answers.

 

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:20 AM

 At that age I am not sure. Sharing pictures and stories with him is good.

LilMamaK
by Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:44 AM

 Same happened with my DD when she was around his age. (Story books and movies at daycare are what prompted her to ask). I showed her photos and told her stories about him. Explained he isn't around, by his choice, but made it clear she was loved in EVERY way! Not just by me, but by my family and friends. As she grew up she has become confidant with herself and hasn't struggled with this issue. She knows her BD chose not to be a part, and that it means she gets double the loving from me! Honesty is the BEST policy!

 Mommy to a beautiful daughter (7.5.08), Stepmom to an amazing son(6.5.07), and Angel baby boy(3.6.10)

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 1:33 PM

I agree with this. Be honest about it, but keep everything age appropriate

Quoting Callaly:

 Do you have a picture of him? Maybe show him a picture and tell him that he isn't around because he wasn't ready to be a daddy?I believe no matter the age to be completely honest and provide age appropriate answers.


jenib360
by Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 2:49 PM
My DS is 2 years old. His sperm donor disappeared when I was 3 months along. He used me. Just wanted to hook up with the girl he had a huge crush on in school. I have no contact with his family either. This asshole didn't even show up for the court hearings or for the paternity test. Courts gave me sole custody. I don't want the piece of crap anywhere near my kid EVER! I will never tell my DS about him. He will have a daddy when I find my Mr right. Until then he has me, his older sister and older brother and the rest of my family. I really don't care if I get bashed for this comment. Say what u want, it won't faze me one bit. We don't need that piece of crap in our lives!!!
Callaly
by Jessica on Jun. 17, 2014 at 3:20 PM

 Every child has a different level of understanding. If her child is able to communicate, and understand then she should be straight up and explain it. "Dad wasn't ready to be a daddy" child will ask why and she can answer "because some men never become ready, but I love you enough for both mommy and dad"

I was very open to talking with DD, the important part is to be honest and to answer all and any questions they have.

Quoting kylensmom1229:

 I definitely agree with being honest, but I think holding back certain info is ok too, maybe even necessary. I think telling a 2 yr old that he wasn't ready to be daddy is too complicated for him to understand and might confuse him. I think it can be done without that info til he is old enough to grasp the concept

Quoting Callaly:

 Do you have a picture of him? Maybe show him a picture and tell him that he isn't around because he wasn't ready to be a daddy?I believe no matter the age to be completely honest and provide age appropriate answers.

 

 

KREX0914
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:18 AM

Mine recently started asking "why don't I have a daddy anymore?" (we are getting divorced and we've already moved.) I went with something like "a mommy is a girl that loves you and takes care of you, and a daddy is a boy that will love you and take care of you. Some kids have mommies and daddies and some people just have mommies or just have daddies. But mommy will always be here to love and take care of you." Not sure if that could work in your situation or not.

Jsilva3
by New Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:39 PM

My 2 kids dad isnt involved as well. When my kids started to ask I said " daddy is a hard working man" "he is real busy at his job he doesnt have money to come see you right now but we can write him letters and maybe when he sees your letters he miss you even more then he does now and come see you. It will get easier as they grow older. That was when my kids were 5 and under. Now their 7 and 9. They dont ask about dad to much. Just when fathers day approaches uuughh...u dont want to see their sad face when they see other kids with their dad. Its rough. I know how u feel. Keep your head up and good luck.

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