Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Single Moms Single Moms

Need Some Encouragement

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:57 AM
  • 16 Replies

Hello to everyone. I am very new to this site/group as I have just become a single mom to my 10 month old as of last night.

The long and short of it is that I was only dating my sons father for a short time before I got pregnant. I have no regrets, I love my son more than anything. Since we did not know each other very well, I figured out we were incompatible while I was pregnant. But I tried to make it work for the benefit of my baby. The last year has been nothing but arguments, very dramatic ones. He sought sex with anonymous women on the internet, though claims he did not go through with it. I forgave but it only added to the stress of everything.

The past couple of months have been especially strained since he decided to go back to work (he was a stay at home dad) and has been dealing with the stress and exhaustion of it all. He does not handle stress well and proceeded to take it out on me. Meanwhile, I am dealing with my own new set of issues as figuring out how to pay for daycare (I take care of all the other bills as well) as well as shuffling my son back and forth is not easy. We have been arguing since Sunday and he just wouldn't stop. He decided to leave last night and I cared for my son on my own for the remainder of the night and then got him up early this morning so we can get ready for daycare and work. 

How am I going to do this? I am so terrified of the unknown. My son has always been a fussy baby and at 10 months old, he still does not sleep well. I am stressed from work and lack of money. There is never enough time in the day. I could really use some words of encouragement.

by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:57 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:07 AM
2 moms liked this

I'd be willing to bet one of the reasons your son is so fussy is because of the stress in the house. Babies pick up on it and they react to it.

Start with a schedule, put everything on it from when you wake up to when you go to sleep. Try to include in that some "me" time after baby goes to sleep. You need to unwind. Once you set the schedule, stick to it. Babies thrive on schedules.

Set a budget, look for any public assistance you are eligible for; from childcare assistance to food stamps.

File for child support. Your ex helped create the child he needs to help support the child. Once you get it do not rely on it as much as put it towards extras. You may not always get it.

ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:28 AM

Thank you for the advice, krisnkids. I am going to start with an earlier bed time as of tonight and hoping the quiet and calm environment will help put him at ease. He loves his daddy and I feel bad for that he won't get to see him every day but I do believe this is the best thing for us (baby and me) right now.

Quoting krisnkids:

I'd be willing to bet one of the reasons your son is so fussy is because of the stress in the house. Babies pick up on it and they react to it.

Start with a schedule, put everything on it from when you wake up to when you go to sleep. Try to include in that some "me" time after baby goes to sleep. You need to unwind. Once you set the schedule, stick to it. Babies thrive on schedules.

Set a budget, look for any public assistance you are eligible for; from childcare assistance to food stamps.

File for child support. Your ex helped create the child he needs to help support the child. Once you get it do not rely on it as much as put it towards extras. You may not always get it.


amonkeymom
by Gold Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 1:49 PM
1 mom liked this

Kris gave you some great advice and I just wanted to encourage you that you CAN do it.  Just take it one step, one day (heck one hour even) at a time.

Quoting ANewMe0812:

Thank you for the advice, krisnkids. I am going to start with an earlier bed time as of tonight and hoping the quiet and calm environment will help put him at ease. He loves his daddy and I feel bad for that he won't get to see him every day but I do believe this is the best thing for us (baby and me) right now.

Quoting krisnkids:

I'd be willing to bet one of the reasons your son is so fussy is because of the stress in the house. Babies pick up on it and they react to it.

Start with a schedule, put everything on it from when you wake up to when you go to sleep. Try to include in that some "me" time after baby goes to sleep. You need to unwind. Once you set the schedule, stick to it. Babies thrive on schedules.

Set a budget, look for any public assistance you are eligible for; from childcare assistance to food stamps.

File for child support. Your ex helped create the child he needs to help support the child. Once you get it do not rely on it as much as put it towards extras. You may not always get it.



Moxiesbuddy
by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 5:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome ANewMe. Your little guy is adorable!

I'm sorry your son's dad has made some decisions that have added to your stress. It's going to be an adjustment now that you're having to juggle some additional tasks, but the calmer home may provide you more time to think and process. You're a good mom and can totally provide for the two of you. As you explore some of the suggestions already given, don't forget to network with other moms in your area. You can save money on clothes and  baby things by shopping yard sales this summer (think ahead to the sizes you'll need for winter).

Even moms who are married have doubts about their abilities and worry about their kids. You'll have what you need and already do. I pray you are surrounded by supportive people.

Moxiesbuddy 

ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 8:34 PM
Thank you Moxiesbuddy! It's rough right now but I'm sure that is completely normal. Hoping we get into a new routine soon.

Quoting Moxiesbuddy:

Welcome ANewMe. Your little guy is adorable!

I'm sorry your son's dad has made some decisions that have added to your stress. It's going to be an adjustment now that you're having to juggle some additional tasks, but the calmer home may provide you more time to think and process. You're a good mom and can totally provide for the two of you. As you explore some of the suggestions already given, don't forget to network with other moms in your area. You can save money on clothes and  baby things by shopping yard sales this summer (think ahead to the sizes you'll need for winter).

Even moms who are married have doubts about their abilities and worry about their kids. You'll have what you need and already do. I pray you are surrounded by supportive people.

Moxiesbuddy 

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 12:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Welcome! Being a single mom has good and bad just like anything else in life. Set up a routine for yourself and your ds in order to make your day run a little smoother.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jun. 26, 2014 at 12:39 AM
1 mom liked this
Welcome. Take each day as it comes and remember to take time for yourself. It isn't easy accept help when you can.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 8:02 AM
Thanks, cjsmom1 and LifeCafe42! Last night was rough but not as bad as the night before. This morning was also a whole lot smoother since I took some time before I went to bed to prepare things like our outfits for today and pre-filling his sippie cup.
mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry mama, it's hard when you're having to be a mother to your child and sometimes your boyfriend as well. The ladies gave you great advice. The biggest thing is to take care of yourself as well. If you're stressed or unhappy, the baby will feel it and react to it as well. Remember what the airline stewards say; you have to secure your oxygen mask before you can help your child. Good luck mama, at the end of the day we don't realize it but we have all the strength we need and more to take care of and love our children.

kylensmom1229
by Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 12:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Like a previous post said, babies pick up on stress and tension. The constant arguing probably added to the baby's fussy-ness. So hopefully, that will improve now that the source of tension has been removed.
What I was going to tell you was that, you can do it- other single mom's do it all the time! But then I thought about it and I don't like how it sounds like "oh it's a piece of cake- everyone else can do it, so if you can't than you're not a very good mother!" Because the truth is, everyone is different- we all have our strengths, and we all definitely have our weaknesses. It might be easier for some than others. It depends on your circumstances; what's your support system like? How confident are you about your abilities? Are you suffering from depression? Etc, etc. Don't look at other sinle mom's and think to yourself, "Well she can do it, why can't I? What's wrong with me?"  You never know what goes on behind closed doors: you make look at one woman who looks like she's got it all together, mom of the year- but at home she's suffering from alcoholism and abuse. And you may look at someone else who's life is falling apart on the outside, but little do you know that the bond she has with her child is unbreakable and beautiful. We each do what we can with what we are given. All you can do is do your best. You may not be the perfect mom, but you are the woman your child needs and loves. Your son will love you like no other man will. He is going to love you unconditionally, no matter what- no matter what you do, how much money you have, where you work, what you look like. He is yours.
You may find that not only are you a better person without your man around, but you may find yourself being a better mother, now that the distraction and tension is gone. You may start noticing the little things in life. Wake up every day with this goal in mind: "I am going to make today a better day than yesterday. For me. For my child." You got this...........

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)