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Primary custodian vs. sole custody

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 9:59 PM
  • 13 Replies

Is there a difference? My son's father filed for child support on himself while incarcerated and they sent me the paperwork which listed me as the primary custodian. I went to then file for sole custody and the office told me that I don't have to bc I am the primary custodian but when I enrolled my son in K, they said they are not the same thing and I should still file for sole custody. Thoughts? 

by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 9:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
cmjustice
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:05 PM
There are two types of custody, physical custody(aka where the child resides) and legal custody (decision making, legal authority).

Do you have a custody agreement? They both should be spelled out there.

For example, I am Luke's sole legal custodian(WV makes you designate one parent and it is whoever has the majority of residential time) but my XH and I have shared physical custody, he gets him 2 weekends a month.

Does that make sense?

And how long is your ex in prison for? You may be able to terminate his parental rights.
clclay1221
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:11 PM

My daughter has not seen her father in 6 years, and my son is 5 and has not seen him since he was 6 months old but in OH you cannot terminate an absent parent's rights unless they are being adopted. I tried for both. My sons father was in prison for 3 years, recently got out but I have not even heard from him for 4 years. I am concerned bc he routinely tries to kidnap my kids, now that they made him take a paternity test and his name is on the birth certificate he might have a fighting chance at getting away with it. I cannot even file for custody or take him to court bc I have no idea where he even is but they still won't let me terminate his rights.

Quoting cmjustice: There are two types of custody, physical custody(aka where the child resides) and legal custody (decision making, legal authority). Do you have a custody agreement? They both should be spelled out there. For example, I am Luke's sole legal custodian(WV makes you designate one parent and it is whoever has the majority of residential time) but my XH and I have shared physical custody, he gets him 2 weekends a month. Does that make sense? And how long is your ex in prison for? You may be able to terminate his parental rights.


brieri
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:22 PM

You say he kidnaps the kids?. You say he's out recently, when's the last time he saw them, I mean since he's been out?

Quoting clclay1221:

My daughter has not seen her father in 6 years, and my son is 5 and has not seen him since he was 6 months old but in OH you cannot terminate an absent parent's rights unless they are being adopted. I tried for both. My sons father was in prison for 3 years, recently got out but I have not even heard from him for 4 years. I am concerned bc he routinely tries to kidnap my kids, now that they made him take a paternity test and his name is on the birth certificate he might have a fighting chance at getting away with it. I cannot even file for custody or take him to court bc I have no idea where he even is but they still won't let me terminate his rights.

Quoting cmjustice: There are two types of custody, physical custody(aka where the child resides) and legal custody (decision making, legal authority). Do you have a custody agreement? They both should be spelled out there. For example, I am Luke's sole legal custodian(WV makes you designate one parent and it is whoever has the majority of residential time) but my XH and I have shared physical custody, he gets him 2 weekends a month. Does that make sense? And how long is your ex in prison for? You may be able to terminate his parental rights.

 

 

clclay1221
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:30 PM

He always tried to take them from my day care- I got a new one. He does not know where we live or what school my kids go to. My kids are with me always. They are in bed right now. No worries there. He can't find us, he can't take them. 

Quoting brieri:

You say he kidnaps the kids?. You say he's out recently, when's the last time he saw them, I mean since he's been out?

Quoting clclay1221:

My daughter has not seen her father in 6 years, and my son is 5 and has not seen him since he was 6 months old but in OH you cannot terminate an absent parent's rights unless they are being adopted. I tried for both. My sons father was in prison for 3 years, recently got out but I have not even heard from him for 4 years. I am concerned bc he routinely tries to kidnap my kids, now that they made him take a paternity test and his name is on the birth certificate he might have a fighting chance at getting away with it. I cannot even file for custody or take him to court bc I have no idea where he even is but they still won't let me terminate his rights.

Quoting cmjustice: There are two types of custody, physical custody(aka where the child resides) and legal custody (decision making, legal authority). Do you have a custody agreement? They both should be spelled out there. For example, I am Luke's sole legal custodian(WV makes you designate one parent and it is whoever has the majority of residential time) but my XH and I have shared physical custody, he gets him 2 weekends a month. Does that make sense? And how long is your ex in prison for? You may be able to terminate his parental rights.


 


cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Jun. 29, 2014 at 10:44 PM

Bump I'm not sure what the difference is

LifeCafe42
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 11:04 PM
In California you still need to
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
brieri
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 11:05 PM

 Not sure why you would be concerned if he doesn't know where you or the kids are.  The only way he could pick them up from daycare or any other place is if you allow him too or if he has visitation rights - he should be following the schedule.  No ands, ifs, buts about it.. 

Quoting clclay1221:

He always tried to take them from my day care- I got a new one. He does not know where we live or what school my kids go to. My kids are with me always. They are in bed right now. No worries there. He can't find us, he can't take them. 

Quoting brieri:

You say he kidnaps the kids?. You say he's out recently, when's the last time he saw them, I mean since he's been out?

Quoting clclay1221:

My daughter has not seen her father in 6 years, and my son is 5 and has not seen him since he was 6 months old but in OH you cannot terminate an absent parent's rights unless they are being adopted. I tried for both. My sons father was in prison for 3 years, recently got out but I have not even heard from him for 4 years. I am concerned bc he routinely tries to kidnap my kids, now that they made him take a paternity test and his name is on the birth certificate he might have a fighting chance at getting away with it. I cannot even file for custody or take him to court bc I have no idea where he even is but they still won't let me terminate his rights.

Quoting cmjustice: There are two types of custody, physical custody(aka where the child resides) and legal custody (decision making, legal authority). Do you have a custody agreement? They both should be spelled out there. For example, I am Luke's sole legal custodian(WV makes you designate one parent and it is whoever has the majority of residential time) but my XH and I have shared physical custody, he gets him 2 weekends a month. Does that make sense? And how long is your ex in prison for? You may be able to terminate his parental rights.

 

 

 

 

Callaly
by Jessica on Jun. 30, 2014 at 12:29 AM
I think sole custody is no visitation and primary is the decision making and visitation is arranged.
I have shared custody but am I primary parent because ita 60/40
diaperstodating
by Queen24Princes on Jun. 30, 2014 at 12:33 AM
I remember going to court for temporary custody and permanent custody.
I'm not sure what the difference between sole and primary custody is.
Bump
wendythewriter
by on Jun. 30, 2014 at 8:02 AM

It may be different in different states. I, in FL, have sole legal and residential custody. This also makes me the primary parent/primary residential parent. My ex has, if he ever chose to exercise them, visitation rights, but he does not have any form of custody nor does he have any decision making power.

The difference is in physical and legal custody. Physical custody is exactly that - who physically has the children most of the time, or in the case of shared custody that is pretty much equal, which parent is designated as the primary physical parent. That designation is usually for clarifying things such as which school the child goes to, and making clear what address should be listed as the child's address. 

Legal custody, on the other hand, is about who has the decision making power. I have sole legal and physical custody, so that means that in addition to my kids living with me, I also have ALL the decision making power. My ex has no authority to make any decisions about my kids. If we had shared legal custody, then it would mean that I have to discuss big decisions with him and we have to agree. This doesn't mean you have to discuss what to have for dinner, but it's for things like religion, or changing schools, or major medical such as needing surgery (not emergency surgery). 

I do know that my kids daycares and schools consistently told me that without an order on file that stated that I had sole custody, legal and/or physical, if he came in and insisted on taking the kids or trying to make decisions, that if he brought the sheriff's department, without that order, they could do nothing to stop him. It may just be a CYA issue for them, that they want something that spells things out in no uncertain terms so there's no room for a misinterpretation, especially if the courts are telling you that you already have what they want. If you can afford it, maybe see about talking to a lawyer to find out what you need to do, if anything, or how to get the school to understand you have what they're asking for. 

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