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Should I say something??

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:20 AM
  • 10 Replies

Ok, I'm at a loss. I want to email BD about something he did, but part of me is just so frustrated with all his crap I don't really want to waste my breath. But the other part wants to email him about it because it goes against the CO, he shouldn't have done it (as usual) and its one more thing I can add to my very long list for our court date at the end of Aug. 

Back story in-case you haven't seen some of my past posts... He put a false restraining order on me for "abusing" DS. He constantly goes against the CO and I have to constantly get our Parenting Coordinator (PC) involved because of things that he does/doesn't do. He refuses to co-parent with me and currently we do 50/50 week off week on, but because of his job (pilot) he can rarely ever take his time. 

Since the major events happened just a couple months ago, DS now has to see a psychologist because during the 3 weeks i couldn't have him (due to the restraining order) he got suspended from school 4TIMES! It's a mess, I feel so bad for DS

Here's what happened....

BD called to talk to DS as he usually does a couple times a week. no big deal. We were really busy yesterday and the only free time we had was the car ride from my sisters house to my friends house who was helping me make DS's cake for today (his bday party). So I gave him the phone in the car to talk to BD. No it's not on speaker phone and honestly I usually tune him out because I know his rights and I could care less about what they talk about. 

But I catch the last part of the convo because it stuck out to me DS says to BD

"ok, I'll ask her tomorrow..."

"oh, ok... I'll ask her today."

I was curious, but I wasn't going to say anything because its not my place. 

Well, DS hangs up the phone and says to me

"Dad wants me to ask you if you can send him the video of me riding the sheep."

Now, I know most would think this is no big deal but you don't know my ex. A normal person, if they just really wanted to see it/ have it because it's their DS and thought it was cool, would have just sent an email and asked.... So it goes against the CO anyways because he's not supposed to put DS in the middle and have him ask things from me. I know he has an alterior motive, DS rode the sheep last week anyways, and to be honest it's none of his business what we did, where we did. 

I don't ever ask BD for photos or videos of DS when they take him skiing, or on the boat, or when he goes surfing in Cali....

So, the more that I'm reading what I'm writing I think I sound stupid. But then again I know BD and how he is. It could also be these stupid pregnancy hormones. (last night I really wanted to throw something for no reasonlol... ah the joys of being prego).

So should I send an email just stating that it was innapropriate to use DS to pass along a message? if so what should it say (I cant think of a nice professional way to put again, again hormones). 

by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 11:21 AM
Personally, I send my sons father pics and videos and he does the same when he has him. But that's us. Whether or not you send him the video is up to you but I'm not sure what kind of alterior motives he may have. Regardless, when you email him telling him not to put your son in the middle like that, keep it brief and to the point. Say something like, in the future please contact me for these types of requests. Thank you. And leave it at that.
harleigh07
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 11:35 AM
I envy you lol. I wish we could be like that! I tried a long time ago... He said everything was none of my business. So I stopped trying to be friends, then later found out everything that I was open about regarding DS he tried to use against me in court. None of it flew with the judge but I'm just tired of it.

Quoting ANewMe0812: Personally, I send my sons father pics and videos and he does the same when he has him. But that's us. Whether or not you send him the video is up to you but I'm not sure what kind of alterior motives he may have. Regardless, when you email him telling him not to put your son in the middle like that, keep it brief and to the point. Say something like, in the future please contact me for these types of requests. Thank you. And leave it at that.
wendythewriter
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:49 PM

I don't know, I'm kind of torn. 

Part of me thinks that this is a really petty thing to get upset and make a fuss over. It seems silly and minor. But minor things get turned into major things so easily, so I can understan why you might feel the need to say something. 

If you say something, I would keep it very brief and to the point. Maybe send the video and in the email, say something to the effect of, "In the future, please just email or text requests like this to me, rather than asking DS. I realize this is a small thing, but the court order does specify that DS is not to be put in the middle of requests like this, so I'd like to keep things consistent with the court order."

That way, if/when you bring it up in court, you show that you're acknowledging that this is a small thing, but it will also show that his refusal to adhere to the order applies to things both big and small.

harleigh07
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:33 PM
Yea it's a toughy!! I decided to just not say anything unless he asks DS again. I think sometimes bd just does stuff like this to get attention and I just won't give it to him this time. I'm just tired of his crap....

Quoting wendythewriter:

I don't know, I'm kind of torn. 

Part of me thinks that this is a really petty thing to get upset and make a fuss over. It seems silly and minor. But minor things get turned into major things so easily, so I can understan why you might feel the need to say something. 

If you say something, I would keep it very brief and to the point. Maybe send the video and in the email, say something to the effect of, "In the future, please just email or text requests like this to me, rather than asking DS. I realize this is a small thing, but the court order does specify that DS is not to be put in the middle of requests like this, so I'd like to keep things consistent with the court order."

That way, if/when you bring it up in court, you show that you're acknowledging that this is a small thing, but it will also show that his refusal to adhere to the order applies to things both big and small.

Miss_Magnolia.
by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:37 PM

 I would send it and also briefly request he not as ds and leave it at that. Even if he says something back. Its a small thing that could blow up quickly.

if you don't say anything he'll slowly put your son in the middle more and more until its over big deal things especially when he's older and has his own phone and whatnot

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:44 PM
No. In this case Id say pick your battles. But if you email him pics or videos ask him in return. If he sends none then you don't have to send anymore.
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ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 10:54 PM
My son is 11 months old and we just split4 weeks ago. Our situation may change but I hope it doesn't. Co-parenting is tough.

Quoting harleigh07: I envy you lol. I wish we could be like that! I tried a long time ago... He said everything was none of my business. So I stopped trying to be friends, then later found out everything that I was open about regarding DS he tried to use against me in court. None of it flew with the judge but I'm just tired of it.

Quoting ANewMe0812: Personally, I send my sons father pics and videos and he does the same when he has him. But that's us. Whether or not you send him the video is up to you but I'm not sure what kind of alterior motives he may have. Regardless, when you email him telling him not to put your son in the middle like that, keep it brief and to the point. Say something like, in the future please contact me for these types of requests. Thank you. And leave it at that.
cjsmom1
by Platinum Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 1:25 AM
1 mom liked this

I would send the video and say something like 'Here's the video that you asked ds to have me send you. I know it's a small thing, but in the future please ask me and not ds. The co says that ds shouldn't be brought into the middle of anything and I want to ensure that we stick to this'

Baby5678
by Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 6:59 AM

If I were you I'd just send him the video and just remind him politely to ask you and not your son. Save the fights for the big important stuff..otherwise its always fighting and thats no good for you and the kids!

Andrewsmom70
by Silver Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 7:49 AM
What sort of ulterior motive would he have? I just don't understand that part.

I also think this is a small issue I wouldn't bring up at this time. If it keeps happening, yes you should mention it though.

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