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What do you even say?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
My bf signed over rights to his son many many yrs ago. Long story, but they both made mistakes, bm made his life hell when he tried to be there for ds because she didn't want him to be and he could've tried harder but instead signed over his rights. His ds is coming up on 18 and bf wants to reach out to him, but has no clue what to say at first. How would you approach it? What would you say?
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:03 PM
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Replies (1-8):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:27 PM
1 mom liked this
I think start with I'm sorry.
sid1083
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:57 PM

Why not wait until the child reaches out? Personally, that's what I'd do. I don't think there is anything I could say or do in that position to try to explain myself or my choices.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:02 PM
His dad wasn't in his life either and he always wished his dad had reached out to him. His view was he's the one that walked away, why should I have to take the 1st step? Now that he's on the other side of it, he wants to reach out as soon as he can. He's just lost on. How to go about it.

Quoting sid1083:

Why not wait until the child reaches out? Personally, that's what I'd do. I don't think there is anything I could say or do in that position to try to explain myself or my choices.

sid1083
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:06 PM

Makes sense.

What does BF wish his own father would have said to him? What did he want to know about his own situation that would have made him feel more at peace? 

Quoting Anonymous: His dad wasn't in his life either and he always wished his dad had reached out to him. His view was he's the one that walked away, why should I have to take the 1st step? Now that he's on the other side of it, he wants to reach out as soon as he can. He's just lost on. How to go about it.
Quoting sid1083:

Why not wait until the child reaches out? Personally, that's what I'd do. I don't think there is anything I could say or do in that position to try to explain myself or my choices.


Denni1026
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Have him let his kid know that he is there and wants to be involved but is leaving the decision up to the kid on whether or not he wants to be in contact.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:10 PM
He doesn't know exactly. Mainly just that he cared enough to contact him so he knew he wasn't forgotten about by him.

Quoting sid1083:

Makes sense.What does BF wish his own father would have said to him? What did he want to know about his own situation that would have made him feel more at peace? 

Quoting Anonymous: His dad wasn't in his life either and he always wished his dad had reached out to him. His view was he's the one that walked away, why should I have to take the 1st step? Now that he's on the other side of it, he wants to reach out as soon as he can. He's just lost on. How to go about it.

Quoting sid1083:

Why not wait until the child reaches out? Personally, that's what I'd do. I don't think there is anything I could say or do in that position to try to explain myself or my choices.

sid1083
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:54 PM

Sounds like a decent intro to a short message to me:

"Hey, I know I wasn't there for you growing up, but I thought about you every day. I made choices I wasn't proud of, and unfortunately followed in the footsteps of my own father. My failings as a father are in no way a reflection of you, or the person you are - I just didn't make the right choices. I don't know that it means much now, but I wanted to say I'm sorry for not being there for you." 

Quoting Anonymous: He doesn't know exactly. Mainly just that he cared enough to contact him so he knew he wasn't forgotten about by him.
Quoting sid1083:

Makes sense.What does BF wish his own father would have said to him? What did he want to know about his own situation that would have made him feel more at peace? 

Quoting Anonymous: His dad wasn't in his life either and he always wished his dad had reached out to him. His view was he's the one that walked away, why should I have to take the 1st step? Now that he's on the other side of it, he wants to reach out as soon as he can. He's just lost on. How to go about it.
Quoting sid1083:

Why not wait until the child reaches out? Personally, that's what I'd do. I don't think there is anything I could say or do in that position to try to explain myself or my choices.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:39 PM
I really like that. I'll definitely share this with him. Thanks so much!

Quoting sid1083:

Sounds like a decent intro to a short message to me:"Hey, I know I wasn't there for you growing up, but I thought about you every day. I made choices I wasn't proud of, and unfortunately followed in the footsteps of my own father. My failings as a father are in no way a reflection of you, or the person you are - I just didn't make the right choices. I don't know that it means much now, but I wanted to say I'm sorry for not being there for you." 

Quoting Anonymous: He doesn't know exactly. Mainly just that he cared enough to contact him so he knew he wasn't forgotten about by him.

Quoting sid1083:

Makes sense.What does BF wish his own father would have said to him? What did he want to know about his own situation that would have made him feel more at peace? 

Quoting Anonymous: His dad wasn't in his life either and he always wished his dad had reached out to him. His view was he's the one that walked away, why should I have to take the 1st step? Now that he's on the other side of it, he wants to reach out as soon as he can. He's just lost on. How to go about it.

Quoting sid1083:

Why not wait until the child reaches out? Personally, that's what I'd do. I don't think there is anything I could say or do in that position to try to explain myself or my choices.

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