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I stole, no feelings at all.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
I stole and ya, I got caught. I used to steal a lot during my teenage yrs. These last few months, I just haven't felt ANYTHING at all. Stealing used to give me a rush. I guess I did it to see if I'm still capable of feeling. I'm not. Idk what's really wrong. I mean there are times when i feel like I'm feeling something, but afterwards, there's that voice that taunts me. "Ha ha. You thought you felt something but that's only cuz I allowed it, and now I'm taking it away and you'll feel even more empty, more alone. You're nothing"

So that's where I am right now... and it sucks. I hate running on emotions that I'm SUPPOSED to feel. I'm supposed to act and react a certain way when all I really want is to die, give in to the nothingness.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mrsary
by Gold Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:32 PM
Wow! Ok.
faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:35 PM

 you sound very depressed, i am sorry.

diaperstodating
by Queen24Princes on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:36 PM
Ok
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:40 PM
That's what I thought before. I've suffered and battled depression and suicidal tendancies for over a decade... but this... this is just a complete void. You need emotions to feel or be depressed. I'm just a shell.

Quoting faerie75:

 you sound very depressed, i am sorry.

sid1083
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:07 PM
1 mom liked this

Take it as a sign to stop stealing. We all pay the price of your actions and do NOT thank you for that.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:07 PM
I know. I haven't stolen anything in almost 10 years... eh, make it almost 9 yrs. I wanted to see if I could feel anything, that rush from before, remorse, guilt, something, anything... and I got nothing at all. I don't know what i was thinking, beyond "do I feel something?" No, nothing. Even as I walked back, returned it. I know i should have felt something there. I mean who doesnt? Who wouldn't? But that's wrong, bc I felt nothing. And its been void since, except this one thought, will I ever feel again? Actually feel, not imagine how I'm supposed to feel, and react in that form.



Quoting sid1083:

Take it as a sign to stop stealing. We all pay the price of your actions and do NOT thank you for that.

brieri
by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 2:07 AM
Mom-does-hair
by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 2:09 AM
Are you on any anti-depressants?
mama.grey
by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 2:58 AM
I really think you need to seek professional help. Not for the stealing. Just about everyone and their grandma has stolen SOMETHING! But about the not feeling. That's not ok. Please pleaseplease don't put your kids through the suicide of a parent. I've seen first hand how much that fucks a child up. You can certainly pm if you want to talk.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 24, 2014 at 3:19 AM
I had to stop taking them. I don't have insurance to keep up with the medicine prices (2), or the appointments- gotta see the therapist in order to see the psychiatrist who would write the scripts. They don't do a sliding fee and any other places I've tried calling hasnt been much help- no sliding scale, have to have insurance, waiting for them to call me back, etc. I applied for state healthcare, but that was back in april/may and so far, nothing still



Quoting Mom-does-hair: Are you on any anti-depressants?
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