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Terrible Phone Call

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:25 PM
  • 18 Replies

My son is with his father for his annual visit. This year seems to be going very rough.

My son has been gone for nearly two weeks, and last Sunday was the first day I was able to speak with him. I briefly spoke to his father before he called our 6 year old over. Our son asked him who it was and took the phone... my son is not a phone person. So I start taking to him the moment I hear his ear hits the phone. I was rattling away for about 10 seconds and then I realize he is sobbing. It really caught me by surprise and I am speechless for a while. He starts asking when I am coming to get him and if it will be the next day. I get him calmed down and we talk about all the fun stuff he is going to do. Then he was ready to get back to his activity.

Afterwards, his father gets back on the phone and I say I wish I could give him a hug. I merely suggested that he give him a hug for me, if he was still upset. He father flips out and tells me he is not going to hug him, because he doesn't do that. "He can come to me if he wants a hug, no I am not going to do that!" He goes on to tell me that he thinks our son is soft and nothing but a punk. His 2 year old son is tougher than our son, he is nothing but a sneaky baby.

Needless to say I was a little taken back that he would be saying all of this stuff in front of our son. He also told me "I don't know why he was crying like a punk he hasn't said a word about you since he got here."Then he started playing the blame game... You keep him away from me and I only get to see him once a year.... We ended our call because the conversation was pointless and was going nowhere.

Shortly after I get off the phone my son's stepmother sends me a text message telling me my son is okay and back to himself. About 30 minutes later she sends be another much longer message. She reassures me my son is okay. She also apologizes for what her husband said to me, and she was surprised by everything he told her he said to me.

It is so hard being so far away from my son, and so thankful that he has a kind stepmother. My son is different from his father's other children, largely because he isn't being raised by a professional drill sergeant. All in all he is typical little boy. He runs, jumps, climbs trees, and gets dirty. He is always trying to wrestle, fight, and be a superhero or play fighting games on the computer. I guess at his father's he just wants to play with action figures and hang out with he five year old sister, which I guess is frowned upon.

Are your kids the same people when they are with their fathers or do transform into someone else?

by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 8:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Jul. 24, 2014 at 11:08 PM
Oh wow. I would have a hard time staying calm with someone talking about my son that way, especially his father.
My son is still really young but he is an absolute terror with his father. His father doesn't parent him the way I do so he just does what he wants and gets away with it.
cecily727
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 12:23 AM
1 mom liked this

sometimes kids are totally fine, but the drama kicks in when mom calls.   I would continue to stay on good terms with the step mom.  Perhaps he could have a shorter visit next time.  Two weeks is a long visit for a 6 year old.  Perhaps some shorter staggered visits and then a one week visit.

ausomezombie2.0
by Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 12:27 AM
Yea unfortunately dd has to be a totally different person with him and his family Cuz she had to beg for attention there and it sets her off in the wrong direction.. They also openly talk to her about me and in front of her. The divorce isn't final yet but I'm hoping we can get a clause to prevent this put in Cuz it's really hurting her but he plays the blame game and it's all my fault :(
Tashia07
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 6:52 AM
He just misses and it is completely understandable to everyone, except his father. I am planning on sending him for the bare minimum amount of time next year, if he goes at all.

Quoting cecily727:

sometimes kids are totally fine, but the drama kicks in when mom calls.   I would continue to stay on good terms with the step mom.  Perhaps he could have a shorter visit next time.  Two weeks is a long visit for a 6 year old.  Perhaps some shorter staggered visits and then a one week visit.

mrsary
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 7:02 AM
1 mom liked this
My 4 and 6 yr old sons don't visit their dad yet! I agree, its good his stepmom is normal.
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 8:15 AM
2 moms liked this

My ex is an ass as well. He talked so much crap to my oldest two that they refuse to go visit him anymore. Thankfully they too have a decent step-mother, she will tell the ex to knock it off when he is talking trash about me to the kids. My kids all like sm, just not their dad.

Callaly
by Jessica on Jul. 25, 2014 at 8:32 AM
1 mom liked this

 Luckily he has a step mom there and that was super nice of her to have texted you just to let you know.

I think all kids are different, my SO was a crier when he was little, his mom tells me all the time how he was very sensative and would always just want to cuddle lol you would NEVER guess this now lol

mamalena137
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 12:04 PM

As far as I know my son behaves better with his dad. I admit I'm pretty lax with our son, he has autism and isn't very verbal. Also his stepmom is good to him. She is divorced and is really good when I can't get ahold of my ex and she will get back to me if I text her. It helps when the stepmom is sympathetic and understands where the mom is coming from.

sid1083
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 1:41 PM

How sad :-(
Thankfully SM let you know your son was doing better, but that has to be hard.

My kids have seen their dad twice this year (3 days each time for most of the day) after a 3 year absence, but won't see him again until next year (maybe). They just don't spend enough time with him to be different.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 4:01 PM
I don't think he is being a different kid at all. He's only 6 and misses you and is away from the familiar. His father is being extremely insensitive and taking it personal. I'm glad the SM and you are civil.
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