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My story please give me advice

Posted by on Jul. 26, 2014 at 1:59 AM
  • 10 Replies
The summer after I graduated my sister started work at the local bar in town. I decided to go and visit her one night. I ended up meeting this guy named James. We started dating and eventually fell in love. Or at least I think I did. We went on many trips together but every trip ended up me frightened in some place not knowing what might happen to me. He has still to this day a horrible drinking problem. We were together up until about a week ago. We have a daughter that is one and another on the way. Also he is 32 and I'm 21. He was previously married and has two children with her ages 10 and 6. And has another son age 3. From a one night stand before we met. Total he has 5 children counting my two. We were living together and I though everything was going good until he started drinking again. I would beg him not to go out at night but he would find some excuse to blame me for his drinking. He would tell me things like he was going to workout at 11 st night but would shower and shave before he left then not come home till 4 am. I had my suspicions about him cheating but wanted it to work sooo bad for the kids and me. As nights went on it got later and later. 5 am 6 am 7:30 am. One morning he comes in and I'm asleep on the couch. I hear at knock at the door 9:12. Some girl knocks then leaves quickly. I then get up and try to find his phone when I do I see a text pop up and say hey how are you? He Pries the phone from my hands and immediately deleted the texts. I also find him on the dating website POF and see his last activity date and pictures. He still is trying to get me back and I know it's obvious he's cheated but I need other peoples advice and opinions. He's been so rude to my family as well but he's the father of my children do I completely cut ties with him or what?
by on Jul. 26, 2014 at 1:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Flylady14
by Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 9:06 AM
2 moms liked this

Go to court and file for custody and child support. Good luck. He won't change. He will end up with another kid. 

Karen24
by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 9:21 AM
2 moms liked this
This. Also, that man needs a vasectomy. Yeeesh!

Quoting Flylady14:

Go to court and file for custody and child support. Good luck. He won't change. He will end up with another kid. 

Audreymarie2013
by New Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 10:24 AM
Thank you :)
LifeCafe42
by Nora on Jul. 26, 2014 at 10:26 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree with the other mama
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
adileesmommy
by New Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 1:37 PM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, you could be better off. I know its overwhelming with a child on the way and a 1 year old. But he won't change and for him being 31 he sure is immature. It's not worth the stress.. I would leave the situation if I were you. The baby doesn't need the stress and neither do you. Whatever you decide best wishes I hope that you come to some decision in the future :( Keep your chin up!

woodstock525
by on Jul. 26, 2014 at 4:15 PM
1 mom liked this

You need to cut your ties with him, file for custody and child support.  However, just because you cut your ties with him does not mean he is not your kid's father.  And, he will most likely get some type of visitation...whether he takes it or not given his alcoholism is up for debate.  I also wouldn't count on getting much in the way of child support if he's got five kids to support.

Read up on alcoholism and count this as an unfortunate experience in your life.  You definitely deserve so much better and so do your kids.  At his age, unless he reaches rock bottom and has an epiphany in his life, he's not likely to change.  I have an alcoholic ex....I made it a policy to never date someone I met in a bar...there's a reason they were there.  And, before I get too involved with anyone I observe and find out about their drinking background and family history and attitudes toward the same.  

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 8:11 PM
1 mom liked this

Good lord 5 kids/ and you are going to have 2 at the age of 21. You both need to take a step back on dating and having kids.  

Figure out how you are going to support 2 kids. How much support are you going to get since he is probably paying on 3 kids already? Can you move in with your parents? You need some support and help.

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 1:40 AM
1 mom liked this

You need to file for custody and child support. You need to think about if he is the kind of man you want raising your kids. Would you want your kids doing the same things he's doing?

ayacocca
by Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 9:32 AM
Uhm... Yes. Leave please. Not quite sure as to why you're still there. He can see the kids if you aren't together.
kfrog13
by Member on Jul. 28, 2014 at 4:52 AM
1 mom liked this
I know what you are going through. I am also dealing with an alcoholic/addict ex. I know why you haven't left yet and understand. Trust me, it is best for your kids if you leave him and work on being stable for them. Begin writing all the dates and times down where he goes out drinking. It will help your case.
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