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custody of my sisters child.

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 5:59 PM
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So, im not even entirely sure I belong in this thread...but ive been raising my 16 month old nephew since he was 3 months old. This is my sisters third child, she lost custody of the first two before they were both a year old. She's been battling a drug addiction since she was 13 (15 years!) So when I found out she was pregnant, I knew it would be my responsibility to make sure he had a decent life. When he was 3 months I allowed my sister and him to move into my one bedroom apartment so I could help my sister get clean and be a good mom to him. It was a constant battle for 7 months before I finally told her she had to go. She would leave the baby with me the majority of the time, but would randomly want to be a "mom" and take him. There were a lot of situations she put her and him in that made me very uncomfortable. I finally went down to the judge and he signed me over temporary custody right away. This is when the real battle began. We went through court for months and the judge ended up giving me full custody with the chance for her to get a one hour a week visit with him. She shows up for her visit but is almost always late or cuts out early. She was high the last time she was here and I told her to leave. My problem is that I just wish she would stop coming around. Until she gets her life on track. Is that wrong of me? I take care of him by myself 24/7. This is honestly the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I never thought id be a single parent, let alone of a child who isnt mine. Dont get me wrong, hes my entire world and I couldnt love without him. I 100% consider him my child and couldnt imagine loving anyone more. But its difficult not having many people to relate to. I know in my heart I will have him his whole life, and im perfectly okay with that but its definitely scary and I just wish I knew I was doing the right thing.
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 5:59 PM
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by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 5:22 AM
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By giving your nephew a stable environment, you are doing the right thing!!  It takes a very strong woman to step up in a situation like this and care for a child that is not even biologically yours.  It sounds like you have gone through a lot to keep your nephew safe. 

Welcome to the group!  :)

by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:08 AM
You are not in the wrong you are doing an amazing thing by helping your nephew out. I hope for your sisters sake she can clean her life up
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by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:59 AM

You're a selfless person and should be damn proud of yourself for all that you are doing to help your nephew! I don't blame for wishing she would stop coming around, and who knows, she may tire of it and just stop on her own. You are doing a great thing and I wish for great things for you.

by Queen24Princes on Jul. 31, 2014 at 10:05 AM
You are not wrong. I agree with the previous posters.
by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 10:13 AM
You're an amazing person for doing what you're doing. Not everyone can be a mom. But much less to a child who isn't biologically hers. By giving your nephew a a stable safe living environment you're on the right thing.
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by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 10:30 AM
your doing a great thing! sounds like your heart is the right place. as far as the visitation goes go back to court and have them taken away. tell the judge she's showing up high and is unstable for visitation until she is clean and in rehab!! good luck
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 2:05 PM

My younger sister has a similar story. My mother and father, 76 and 75 years old respectively, took on the care of her 2nd child who is now 1 1/2. Doing the math, you can quite imagine what the future holds. My sister is a bipolar/alcoholic/drug abuser who they allow to live with them. She is intolerable on some days.

Anyone that takes on that responsibility has got a lot to deal with. I think putting your sister out of the way gives that child a chance to flourish. There's absolutely no way he won't have his heart broken by his own mother, though. And that right there may be the most difficult thing you have to deal with-his tears.

by Group Admin on Jul. 31, 2014 at 3:24 PM

Stepping up and taking care of him shows that you're doing the right thing. Being a single mom isn't easy, but this is what's best for your nephew. Do you have any contact with the other kids?

by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 4:08 PM

You are an amazing woman, giving selflessly for the benefit of your nephew. I'm so sorry for your sister's choices and how they've negatively impacted your relationship with her. It's not wrong to have healthy boundaries as you wait for her to start taking responsibility for her behavior. It just makes you wonder what it's going to take for her to get help for her addiction.

You're modeling what it looks like to be a healthy, present parent, and I hope one day your sister realizes how fortunate she is to have you caring for her son. You've saved a life. Let's pray she chooses to save her own very soon.


by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 5:29 PM
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Thank you ALL for such kind words! I feel in my heart im doing the right thing and putting this precious little boys needs at the top of my priority list. I wish you all could meet him! Hes honestly the sweetest most precious blue eyed honey!!
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