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Single Moms Single Moms

What do you do when your SO wants more?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

So I have been dating this guy for 2 years, for the most part everything is geat. He likes my kids, my kids adore him, we all have fun. He owns his own house, and we currently live with my mother bc of financial issues. I am in school, I work, I have full complete custody, neither fathers are involved. My mother lets us live here but thats about it, except I don't pay rent (only because I literally can't) If I could pay for all living expenses and rent I would already be doing it outside of my mothers house.

Anyway.. he wants more. He wants to be more involved with my family- the only family other tha my kids that I have in this state is my mother and I don't even want to be around her, let alone bring him around her. I try to avoid being at her house at all, We are always gone. He wants me to get involved with his family... they are upper middle class stable, conservative people. His mom cried when he got his first tattoo. He has dinner with his parents every Sunday evening. He has an awesome family. My children and I do not fit in so I don't even want to go there. He wants to potentially move us in... I don't want him to support us, I want to wait until I am making more money- when I'm done with school (1-3 years depending on classes).

He is a great guy and I love him and I could see us all being apart of each others lives.. but I just can't give him more. The only time I can even see him is on the weekends, usually after my kids go to bed, I don't like to leave them with my mother even when she agrees. So what would you do? Just let him go? Force yourself into the uncomfortable unknown?  

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Callaly
by Jessica on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:33 PM

 Why is his family great but you don't fit in? If they are great they will make you feel like you are one of them.

I don't suggest moving in with him until you are done school or your able to contribute to the household.. money can cause huge issues in a relationship.

I was with my SO for 4 years before we moved in.. its been 1 month, wow I thought I knew him because it was 4 years we were together and we spent ALOT of time together, but its surely different living together.

Spend more time with eachothers families and just get to know eachother more.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 4, 2014 at 4:47 PM

My family is train wreck, and it always has been. I don't want him anywhere near my mother or her husband. His family is educated, stable, he lived in the same house his whole life. They are family oriented, conservative catholic, supportive. I never went to chuch, moved more times than I can count, have been homeless on more than one occassion, I'm still in school, I have 2 kids out of wed lock with different fathers. Its a cruel trick of fate that we wound up together for him. Just cruel. If I were that type of person I would NEVER support my son being with someone like me. I would know that I raised him better than that. And since I come from a crappy, disconnected family I don't want him exposed to ANY of them. If I could keep my kids from being exposed to them I would, too. Unfortunately we are stuck but I don't want to meet and love his family and thenlose that when we break up, which is bound to happen.

Quoting Callaly:

 Why is his family great but you don't fit in? If they are great they will make you feel like you are one of them.

I don't suggest moving in with him until you are done school or your able to contribute to the household.. money can cause huge issues in a relationship.

I was with my SO for 4 years before we moved in.. its been 1 month, wow I thought I knew him because it was 4 years we were together and we spent ALOT of time together, but its surely different living together.

Spend more time with eachothers families and just get to know eachother more.


LifeCafe42
by Nora on Aug. 4, 2014 at 11:35 PM
Moving in is a big step finish school first. You are putting yourself down and will never find anyone if you keep thinking of yourself this way. You can't love until you love yourself.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:25 AM
1 mom liked this

Hold off on moving in if you are not totally comfortable.   Why was meeting him a cruel trick?  Maybe it was your time to have someone and something nice. 

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 8:32 AM

When a man loves a woman (oh wait, isn't that a song?) he wants to take care of her. That is what he is trying to do. Do you love him? Why don't your kids fit in with his family? Sounds like your kids like him. If he is willing and loves you then let him.

Bf told me something last night that was a good reminder for me. He said "I love you and that makes me want to take care of you, it's par for the course."

sid1083
by Silver Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 12:51 PM

How badly do you want to stay together?

SomethingSoReal
by Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:26 PM

I agree with some of the ladies. You never really know someone until you are living with them. So I would say to definitely keep your own place with your children and to sit down and talk with him and let him know exactly what you told us that you dont feel too comfortable with him around your mother. Just because you both came from two totally different backgrounds doesnt mean that things couldnt work. Just communicate with him and be open so that he will understand your feelings.

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:29 AM

Do you see yourself being with him? Why can't you guys do more together on the weekends when the kids are awake?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 6, 2014 at 3:02 AM

Never be ashamed of where you came from and how you grew up. Especially, who you R!!! There are some things as a child we couldn't do anything about it. Sounds like you turned out awesome with great head on your shoulders. Having insecurities is very normal. Follow your heart and gut. Money issues is a big deal. I won't be getting paid till September and having joint custody. The one good thing is having a great relationship with the ex. This will make a huge deal...

runningbear123
by on Aug. 6, 2014 at 3:21 AM

Move forward with everything except the move in.  That should wait until your comfortable, but meet his family!  See if they can love you and if you can love them. If you can't this isn't going anywhere anyway, and it would be great to know before your kids fall in love.

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