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Compromise

Posted by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:38 PM
  • 25 Replies

I'm not involved with anyone, but when I read about couples here on CM or listen to some of my friends, it got me wondering.

How much are you willing to compromise for a partner?  And by this, I mean mostly small things like how you decorate your home, the things you do for hobbies, etc.

I admit I have a bit of a chip on my shoulder when it comes to certain things.  I was married to a tool who had issues with my posters (movie posters, artwork I did, etc) and constantly ragged on me about how childish and stupid they were.  I couldn't understand his issue with them because they were framed and it wasn't like I had posters of muscle men all over, LOL.  He also had a weird issue with my hobbies because he felt I should spend every waking moment with him.  Wanting a half hour to myself to write or draw meant I didn't love him, want to spend time with him, etc.  When guilt didn't work, he'd either accuse me of writing about him or say my stories were stupid and pointless and a waste of time (he actually deleted several through the years).

I've been divorced and single for 7 yrs.  I enjoy my hobbies and decorate as I please.  I've only had one or two guys have an issue with my bedroom decor or my hobbies.  It made me realize that these were some things I'd refuse to compromise on, no matter how petty they seem.  Call it a major personality flaw.

So how much are/were you willing to compromise on?  Or are you like me and reached the point of "fuck you, this is me"? 


by on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:38 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:44 PM

There are some areas of my life that I am unwilling to compromise on. Things like the kind of food I buy (my ex wanted to buy generic everything) and where I shop for mine and my son's clothes. I can flexible on home decor, to a degree. But shit, if it's important to you then it's important to you. That's my opinion anyway. The thing I love most about being single is not having to compromise on anything. It's a nice feeling to get the pizza toppings I want all the time.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 1:47 PM

I think life is about compromising and living. I don't think one should compromise their morals and I won't. But there are little compromises that I make daily and so does bf. If we were so much alike that we didn't have to make simple compromises life would be boring.

ivf_blessed
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 2:02 PM

 If I met someone and fell in love, then I believe compromise is part of being a couple.  If someone loved & respected me, I would expect them to value my opinions and care about what I find important...just as I would for them.

Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 2:16 PM

I'm curious to know what your bedroom decor was/is.

randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Aug. 5, 2014 at 2:19 PM
1 mom liked this

This doesn't necessarily mean I'm against compromise, I just feel that individuals shouldn't compromise every aspect of their lives for a partner.

randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Aug. 5, 2014 at 2:23 PM

At the time of the marriage, it was mainly framed movie posters or some artwork I made (based off some favorite books).  It was in the bedroom only.  Our living room had pictures of family, generic wall art and pics of our daughter.

My bedroom now?  Gorillaz posters, a few pieces of movie art stuff, collectible stuff (full size Chucky and Tiffany, Murdoc figurine, Alucard, Freddy Krueger, some goth dolls, Gorillaz merchandise), some of my more risque drawings.

Quoting Nisha929:

I'm curious to know what your bedroom decor was/is.


Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 2:25 PM

Interesting and I can understand why there were some issues but hey to each their own :)  

Quoting randi1978:

At the time of the marriage, it was mainly framed movie posters or some artwork I made (based off some favorite books).  It was in the bedroom only.  Our living room had pictures of family, generic wall art and pics of our daughter.

My bedroom now?  Gorillaz posters, a few pieces of movie art stuff, collectible stuff (full size Chucky and Tiffany, Murdoc figurine, Alucard, Freddy Krueger, some goth dolls, Gorillaz merchandise), some of my more risque drawings.

Quoting Nisha929:

I'm curious to know what your bedroom decor was/is.

 

randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Aug. 5, 2014 at 2:35 PM

Back then, it really was only a few things.  He was being unreasonable.  I did have a lot more, but I had them boxed away.  He was one of those who felt you needed to change everything about yourself to make a partner happy. 

I'm just more stubborn about it now.  I might consider taking down the more risque stuff, but the other posters and my collectibles would have to stay. 

Quoting Nisha929:

Interesting and I can understand why there were some issues but hey to each their own :)  

Quoting randi1978:

At the time of the marriage, it was mainly framed movie posters or some artwork I made (based off some favorite books).  It was in the bedroom only.  Our living room had pictures of family, generic wall art and pics of our daughter.

My bedroom now?  Gorillaz posters, a few pieces of movie art stuff, collectible stuff (full size Chucky and Tiffany, Murdoc figurine, Alucard, Freddy Krueger, some goth dolls, Gorillaz merchandise), some of my more risque drawings.

Quoting Nisha929:

I'm curious to know what your bedroom decor was/is.

 


Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Aug. 5, 2014 at 2:37 PM

I have a question. Since you're so unwilling to compromise, would you be okay with being by yourself for the rest of your life if no man wanted to accept that? 

Quoting randi1978:

Back then, it really was only a few things.  He was being unreasonable.  I did have a lot more, but I had them boxed away.  He was one of those who felt you needed to change everything about yourself to make a partner happy. 

I'm just more stubborn about it now.  I might consider taking down the more risque stuff, but the other posters and my collectibles would have to stay. 

Quoting Nisha929:

Interesting and I can understand why there were some issues but hey to each their own :)  

Quoting randi1978:

At the time of the marriage, it was mainly framed movie posters or some artwork I made (based off some favorite books).  It was in the bedroom only.  Our living room had pictures of family, generic wall art and pics of our daughter.

My bedroom now?  Gorillaz posters, a few pieces of movie art stuff, collectible stuff (full size Chucky and Tiffany, Murdoc figurine, Alucard, Freddy Krueger, some goth dolls, Gorillaz merchandise), some of my more risque drawings.

Quoting Nisha929:

I'm curious to know what your bedroom decor was/is.

 

 

randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Aug. 5, 2014 at 2:45 PM

I'd question the motives of any man who felt a partner has to change how they are.  I'm willing to compromise on a lot of things.  But I like my collectibles and posters.  Always have.  I enjoy my hobbies.  In no way should I be obligated to change the things that make me who I am to make a man happy.  If a guy can't handle it or accept it, he's not much of a man, IMO.

Quoting Nisha929:

I have a question. Since you're so unwilling to compromise, would you be okay with being by yourself for the rest of your life if no man wanted to accept that? 

Quoting randi1978:

Back then, it really was only a few things.  He was being unreasonable.  I did have a lot more, but I had them boxed away.  He was one of those who felt you needed to change everything about yourself to make a partner happy. 

I'm just more stubborn about it now.  I might consider taking down the more risque stuff, but the other posters and my collectibles would have to stay. 

Quoting Nisha929:

Interesting and I can understand why there were some issues but hey to each their own :)  

Quoting randi1978:

At the time of the marriage, it was mainly framed movie posters or some artwork I made (based off some favorite books).  It was in the bedroom only.  Our living room had pictures of family, generic wall art and pics of our daughter.

My bedroom now?  Gorillaz posters, a few pieces of movie art stuff, collectible stuff (full size Chucky and Tiffany, Murdoc figurine, Alucard, Freddy Krueger, some goth dolls, Gorillaz merchandise), some of my more risque drawings.

Quoting Nisha929:

I'm curious to know what your bedroom decor was/is.

 

 


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