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I cannot believe he said that!!!

Posted by on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:16 PM
  • 9 Replies

Hi Ladies, I am new to this group.  I am beside myself and not sure what to do?!?!?!?!

I am a single mom, my DD is 13.  Her dad moved to a different state when she was 9 months old so has not been a huge part of her life.  Not because of anything I have done.  For years we had an amazing relationship, but has not been so good lately. 

To fill you all in, he is disabled and has not worked since before she was born.  I do receive benefits from his social security for her.  But he, personally does not contribute.  A couple of weeks ago, very early in the morning he called me and left a message, I called him back after seeing that he called without listening to the message.  He went on about how neither of us better ever ask him for anything, and we are not welcome to visit (which I have not done in years and my DD does every summer) and that I should have aborted DD when he told me to.....  Now who says something like that?!?!?!  HORRIBLE!!!  Then I listened to his message which was basically the same thing.

I have not asked him for any help financially in years, in fact i work 2 jobs so that i can be self supporting along with the social security benefits DD receives, which I use as child support.  After about a week and a half i called him and he acted as if nothing happened and when I bought it up he said he was sorry.  Then he started in about all the money he sends.  He personally does not send a dime.  It is social security, it does not affect him either way.  She gets it as she is his child, if he did not have a child he would not get the money, it would just be a part of the system.  I have been so grateful for this money as I could not have made it without it.  I have told him this.  I do not know what he wants from me.  But after the horrible things he said I just do not know what to do.  DD could really care less if she see's him, he just has not been a very good dad to her, however, her grandparents live down there and her cousins come to town every year at the same time so she looks forward to seeing them.  He has a history of drug abuse, however, when I asked him what he was on when he said those things he said nothing. 

I am not quit sure what to do... and no, my DD does not know about either of these conversations.....  and how would you feel about money coming from social security, am I wrong???

by on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:16 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Callaly
by Jessica on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:32 PM

 If he has a history with drug abuse.. and out of no where he does this.. early in the morning.. obviously he is using again. Don't let his words effect you. You are doing a great job raising your DD and just continue doing what your doing without him.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 2:44 PM

SS money is the government supporting the child because one parent is disabled or deceased and unable to. That is money that we pay into for the benefit, I pray that it doesn't run out as predicted.

As for him saying that, don't worry about it. He was probably drunk or high when he did or was with someone he was trying to impress.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 3:15 PM

 so this came out of nowhere? is he mentally disabled? if not, maybe he is depressed or has mental illness? that seems odd to say when the child is so old. i dont know what to suggest. i think if you previosuly got along fine, id tell him im sorry he feels this way, but this is hurtful and you do not wish to discuss it any more and please dont call unless he plans to be civil.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 3:17 PM

 ps no youre not wrong receiving money from ss, its due to the father, youre not committing fraud.

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 5:15 PM

Would dd be able to stay with her grandparents instead of going to his house? She is old enough to make a decision like that.

woodstock525
by on Aug. 6, 2014 at 9:27 PM

I would be concerned about his rant on the phone and perhaps would touch base with the grandparents to see if she can stay with them when she goes to visit.  I'm sure after all this time that they probably don't have many illusions left regarding their son.

In terms of his support of her, my ex is now disabled due to a stroke and on Social Security and I know how much he gets.  If our dd didn't work to help him out financially, he wouldn't be able to survive, so I don't think that someone who is on disability like that should be expected to help out financially with the child or pay additional child support.  The Social Security benefits you receive for your daughter is intended to be his child support.  I would count your blessings that he worked long enough before he went on disability to be able to qualify so that she gets that benefit.

MeeshMom
by Platinum Member on Aug. 6, 2014 at 10:43 PM

 I wouldnt answer the phone or speak to him ever again but thats just me. You have nothing to feel guilty for.

virgoj3
by Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 12:37 PM

sounds like someone has either been pointing out to your ex that he is an absent father, or he's feeling guilty about not being at the place in his life where he always hoped to be.  I'd bet he has a woman in his life who has asked about DD and he feels inadequate (and he should).   You are not wrong, and there is nothing wrong with CS coming out of SSI - that is not even a small part of his issue and he knows it.  I am pretty sure none of thid has anything to do with you or your child. 

maddiesmom1210
by New Member on Aug. 7, 2014 at 2:49 PM

 Wow, it sounds to me like you may have hit the nail on the head!!!  He does have a SO and she has a DD the same age.  THere has been all sorts of trouble since she has been in the picture!!!

Quoting virgoj3:

sounds like someone has either been pointing out to your ex that he is an absent father, or he's feeling guilty about not being at the place in his life where he always hoped to be.  I'd bet he has a woman in his life who has asked about DD and he feels inadequate (and he should).   You are not wrong, and there is nothing wrong with CS coming out of SSI - that is not even a small part of his issue and he knows it.  I am pretty sure none of thid has anything to do with you or your child. 

 

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