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Am I being petty with my ex or is my decision for the right reasons?

Posted by on Aug. 9, 2014 at 4:21 PM
  • 17 Replies

This week my ex has the boys because his family came into town.

Two years ago I bought Sea World passes for my boys and myself.  $60/mo is deducted from my bank account to have these passes. 

NEVER has my ex offered to pay for it monthly and therefore it never crossed my mind he would ask to use them.

Sure enough he contacted me earlier today and asked for the boys Sea World passes as if he were entitled to them. His exact words were "I'm going to swing by to get the Sea World passes for "son number one" and "son number two" because we get enough discounts for the rest of us so we can afford to go."

This made me angry because there has never been an offer on his behalf at any time to pay half of their passes and share them.  He just keeps asking to have them when he has the boys because they love going which is something the three of us do as a tradition. 

I'm never as forthright as I should be with my ex and often let him walk all over me. 

Therefore, I told him no to the Sea World passes.  His brother and his brother's wife are in town so my ex started making this huge deal on the phone with me in front of them.  I told him I wasn't going to carry on this conversation anymore but before he made me out to be the bad guy he should tell them he's NEVER paid a cent towards these passes. 

Am I being petty by not giving him the Sea World passes that I pay for every month? Or did I make the right decision?


Again, I would like to thank everyone who responded and provided insightful thoughts for me to consider.

I'm a Christian and at the end of the day I knew the right thing to do was to give him the passes because it's for my boys benefit. 

Not only did I do that but I gave him my platinum pass so he could park within the first three rows.

Our 5 year old has high functioning autism and that benefit of parking close is more helpful than I can put into words.

I asked him in the future if would he like to pay for half and he said he would pay for the upcoming swim lessons for both kids and my oldest son's sport fees this fall. 

I did talk to him about the way he asked and it turned out to be a very civil person.  He recognized and said that he realizes I go the extra mile to make coparenting work.

I don't like that he walks all over me but I'm trying to believe that if I keep doing this one day he will come around and we will coparent very well which is my biggest wish for our boys. 

HOWEVER, I do stop him when he becomes very disrespectful especially if we're in front of the boys. I have an 8 year old too and I've definitely put him in his place.  He knows his momma is a college educated, full time mom with a full time job and that I put the roof over his head and provide him with some of the luxuries he often takes for granted.  My oldest told my ex (his father) to "not talk to his momma like that" when my ex said something recently.  I stopped an argument from ensuing but it hit home to my ex that our oldest is aware of what is "right" and what is "wrong". 

Again, I can't convey enough as to how much I appreciate all the responses and support!!!

Thank you!

thank you
by on Aug. 9, 2014 at 4:21 PM
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by Gold Member on Aug. 9, 2014 at 4:28 PM
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I wouldn't say petty but I think I would let the ex use them. It's really hard but they are for the boys and they might as well use them if they are going. I would text the ex and say that he can use them but you would appreciate him asking and not expecting.
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 9, 2014 at 4:50 PM
1 mom liked this

While I realize it's your money you spent on the kids passes and do have a right to tell him no, I would let him use them, just so the passes are making the profits for you.  However, he should give you something back - perhaps by buying you gift of something even it's from the boys. 

by on Aug. 9, 2014 at 4:57 PM
Yes, you pay for them, but he probably views the passes as the boys' and therefore sees no issue with them using their own passes. Yeah, I think he should've asked rather than tell you he's going to come get the passes, but I'd let your boys use them.
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by on Aug. 9, 2014 at 5:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I buy a season pass to our local water park for my son and we get to copies of it. I give his dad and stepmom one of the copies so they can take my son to the park if they want. It's for my son and if my son gets to go, it just means I'm getting more of my money's worth out of the pass. My son's dad doesn't pay nor has he ever offered. But I wouldn't without my son's pass because of money.

by Group Admin on Aug. 10, 2014 at 6:32 AM

I would give it to him. I know it's frustrating since you pay for them, but the passes benefit the boys. Have you ever asked him to help pay for the passes.

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 6:39 AM

I would let the boys use the passes because that is what you bought them for. Or is there a set amount of times you can use them?

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 7:20 AM
I would let the boys use them.
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 8:16 AM

You pay for the passes so you do have the right to say no and he should have asked you if he could use them opposed to just telling you that he was gonna swing by and get them. So I do understand your frustrations. However you bought them for your boys so for the sake of THEM, let their dad use the passes so that THEY can enjoy themselves. 

Is it possible that he can pay half the money for the passes per month so that it's not an issue again when/if he asks to use them? I think its something worth talking to him about. STOP letting him walk all over you.

by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:01 AM
No I wouldn't let him use them. 1. He said he was coming to get them, he didn't ask. That right there would have pissed me off. No one tells me they are coming to my house to get something and expect to get it. 2. He didn't help pay for those tickets at all so why should he reap the benefits of it? Now...if he has done something similar...let yoy use tickets for something he has for your son or paid for your sons to go somewhere while they were with you, I would consider doing it.

He would have to apologize to me on the phone for basically telling me what to Im gonna do with something in my house(give him the tickets) and then politely ask me if he may use them. Stop letting the man walk all over you. It is your house, what you say goes. Those are your boys, when they are with you what you say goes. If you don't, as your sons get older they will see "Dad can walk all over mom and disrespect her, order her around...I can too." Trust happened to me. Because of it my 8 year old son now thinks he doesn't have to listen to me and oh the is horrible!!!
by on Aug. 10, 2014 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

 I would tell him he could use them, simply because he is with extended family.  But I would also let my ex know how rude he was, and that he could offer to pay for at least half of the passes this month or the whole fee.

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