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Single Moms Single Moms

Single Mom Blues

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies
1 mom liked this

Greetings All!!!

I joined this group when I first had my daughter and never really connected so here is my second attempt...5 years later!  I am a single mom of a beautiful lil lady who is quite amazing and brilliant.  I had her under unfortunate circumstances (frankly: protection broke, had no idea, and found out with a positive prregnancy test) and by no way wanted a child at a time in my life where I was a sophmore in college, not in a committed relationship, and not even working.  Nevertheless abortion and adoption didn't seem like they would work for me, so I chose to have my baby.  I have clinical depression and it is very difficult some days being that I am her finacial, physical, and emotional support system.  Her father is in no position to assist with anything, even tho he is quite older than me, he made life choices that has disabled him from being a decent and parent and man quite honeslty.  I go back and forth with wondering why I chose to have my child knowing it would be just me.  WHy put myself in a situation where someone's life was dependant on the energy and effort I barely had to give to my own self care.  I guess I had hoped/assumed it wouldn't be this emotionally and physically taxing, or that her father would have an ah-ha moment and realize that parent is not synoymous with mother.  I have a decent job, I am a manager at my company and my daughter is going into a private school next month.  She is very smart, loving, and happy.  I often wonder how she became that way with such a sad mom, but I am grateful for that.  I am glad I am able to provide for her, but I provide every thing for her.  I feel like it is unfair that everything is on me, that a man should have an ego that at the very least compels him to be a provider in some way shape or form.  Can anyone relate?  Are there any tools you have used to get through the tough times? 

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 12, 2014 at 6:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Karen24
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:33 AM
Welcome back on congrats on your and your daughter's success!
Callaly
by Jessica on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this

 Welcome back to the group!

Are you getting help with your depression? I think that you need to focus on what is and not what could have been or what was because its not going to help anyone or anything.

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:54 AM

Many men you cannot expect to voluntarily support their child. If you want financial support from the dad then you need to file for child support. It doesn't matter if he is 'in no position to assist with anything', if he won the lotter tomorrow he would be. Not to mention if he dies and she is not legally his then she receives no benefits.

As far as depression goes, life is hard. There have been days that I have to drag myself out of bed to get the kids up and out the door and myself to work. A few years ago I realized that it is a choice to either get up and put a smile on my face or go through the day wearing a frown. When I started putting a smile on my face and appreciating the little things; my life got a whole lot better and I no longer had to force myself to be happy.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:43 AM
Welcome back!!! Your story sounds familiar I think I remember you :)
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cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:33 AM

Welcome back!

LilShamrock
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 8:34 AM
2 moms liked this
Welcome! As single moms, we all have felt your pain and we all still go through it. There will always be good and bad days.

Your child is your gift from God to show that life is a worthwhile thing, even with the hard times.
The important thing is to keep plugging through-not only for yourself but also your daughter. That's what keeps me going.

Wish you all the best!
Sham
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 14, 2014 at 12:56 PM

Thanks for the welcome back and replies!  Maybe I was misunderstood, I do not choose to be unhappy, and having depression does not mean I feel or believe that life is not going to have difficult moments, I have had depression for years long before I had my daughter. People with depression are often percieved as "whoa is me" thinkers but that is really not the case, thus the reason I shared this anonymously. I rarely "complain" or even talk about my mental health challenges for the fear of being misjudged and misunderstood.  I guess I can read between the lines of what has been said though, about not focusing on the things I cannot change.  It's usually what I do, I was just having a really difficult time at the moment when I posted this and wanted to see if there were any other single moms who felt like me, and what do you do when you have these moments of reget.  Filing for child support for a man that does not work seems futile, and believe you me, him winning the lottery is as likely to come true as flying pigs.  I am in a much better place today, I just needed to vent.  Thanks for your replies! 

Nisha929
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome back and I'm happy that you and your daughter are doing well. Don't apologize for or feel bad about something that you can't control. Everyone's life isn't sunshine and rainbows all the time although some people try to make it seem like theirs is. So what if you did complain from time to time about your mental health issues or about other things that might be going on in your life. You're human. Don't apologize for being human. Depression is very real and it's unfortunate that people can't understand that. We all have difficult times (even the ones that like to portray a perfect life) and we'll continue to have them. 

When you're feeling down...look at the person your daughter has become because of YOU being in her life. That should put a smile on your face :). Try writing down how you're feeling in those moments or get out and do something that you like to do. When I'm having a moment...I read, listen to music, call my mom and vent, etc. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Thanks for the welcome back and replies!  Maybe I was misunderstood, I do not choose to be unhappy, and having depression does not mean I feel or believe that life is not going to have difficult moments, I have had depression for years long before I had my daughter. People with depression are often percieved as "whoa is me" thinkers but that is really not the case, thus the reason I shared this anonymously. I rarely "complain" or even talk about my mental health challenges for the fear of being misjudged and misunderstood.  I guess I can read between the lines of what has been said though, about not focusing on the things I cannot change.  It's usually what I do, I was just having a really difficult time at the moment when I posted this and wanted to see if there were any other single moms who felt like me, and what do you do when you have these moments of reget.  Filing for child support for a man that does not work seems futile, and believe you me, him winning the lottery is as likely to come true as flying pigs.  I am in a much better place today, I just needed to vent.  Thanks for your replies! 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 15, 2014 at 1:51 PM


Quoting Nisha929:

Welcome back and I'm happy that you and your daughter are doing well. Don't apologize for or feel bad about something that you can't control. Everyone's life isn't sunshine and rainbows all the time although some people try to make it seem like theirs is. So what if you did complain from time to time about your mental health issues or about other things that might be going on in your life. You're human. Don't apologize for being human. Depression is very real and it's unfortunate that people can't understand that. We all have difficult times (even the ones that like to portray a perfect life) and we'll continue to have them. 

When you're feeling down...look at the person your daughter has become because of YOU being in her life. That should put a smile on your face :). Try writing down how you're feeling in those moments or get out and do something that you like to do. When I'm having a moment...I read, listen to music, call my mom and vent, etc. 

 

Quoting Anonymous:

Thanks for the welcome back and replies!  Maybe I was misunderstood, I do not choose to be unhappy, and having depression does not mean I feel or believe that life is not going to have difficult moments, I have had depression for years long before I had my daughter. People with depression are often percieved as "whoa is me" thinkers but that is really not the case, thus the reason I shared this anonymously. I rarely "complain" or even talk about my mental health challenges for the fear of being misjudged and misunderstood.  I guess I can read between the lines of what has been said though, about not focusing on the things I cannot change.  It's usually what I do, I was just having a really difficult time at the moment when I posted this and wanted to see if there were any other single moms who felt like me, and what do you do when you have these moments of reget.  Filing for child support for a man that does not work seems futile, and believe you me, him winning the lottery is as likely to come true as flying pigs.  I am in a much better place today, I just needed to vent.  Thanks for your replies! 

 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 15, 2014 at 1:51 PM

Thank You Nisha!

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