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Future family issues

Posted by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 10:40 PM
  • 13 Replies

Hello my name is Katherine and I'm pretty new here. I am not sure I am technically a single mom but I live with my boyfriend. We have an awesome but chaotic blended family. We each have a boy and a girl my kids are 9 and 6 his are 8 and 12.We normally get along beautifully and this is probably the happiest relationship I have ever been in.

His father died 2 years ago and his mother is ill and is expected to pass soon. His sister has lived at home for the past 10 years or so. She is 40, never married no kids, works part time, lazy and generally has no motivation in life to do anything. Sleeps in until 10 on days she doesnt work. The issue is where  sister is going to live when mom passes. There is nothing wrong with his sister she is just irresponsible in general, bad credit and never has any money. My boyfriend wants his sister to come stay with us and I say absolutely not. We have a full house as it is when we both have our kids and there is no reason why his sister should move in and disrupt everything, not to mention once she moves in she probably will never leave. I told him no. He is pissed and asks how I can turn my back on his family. His grown sister is not our responsibility. Both him and I work hard, stressed, and we do not need another adult in here in the mix. He says he wont turn his back on his sister and I say she can go live with another sibling one whos house already is not full, although they live out of state.

We got into a huge fight last night and I basically told him his sister is not living with us. Its my house, I own it, its my decision and the answer is no. Now he is not talking to me and says I am being selfish.

I am concerned that she will just be a burden on us. His mom gets stuck paying for her car repairs and all the other stuff since she is broke all the time. we dont need that and she is an adult who can take care of herself.

Am I being unreasonable?

by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 10:40 PM
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by on Aug. 12, 2014 at 11:30 PM
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No way! Is he blind to the fact that his sister is irresponsible or does he feel that he needs to take her in because that's what his mother would have wanted? I agree that if she moves in, she will likely be there until she dies. You both have a lot going on with the kids, and you have a full house. I just can't see what value she would be adding to your home. If this persists, you may want to seek out couples counseling to talk this through with a neutral, 3rd party.
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 5:12 AM

No, You're not. Living with family doesn't work well. 

by Jessica on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:35 AM

 Can the sister stay where her and the mom is living right now? Maybe she should get a full time job after the fact because now she won't have mom to take care of.

Stand your ground but also be sensative to the fact that he is going through a hard time.

by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 9:16 AM

I wouldn't do it. I'm sorry that he can't see that having his sister live there would be like having another child. Hopefully you can help him see the light.

by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm with you. If he doesn't like it he can take his kids and move with her. That would be a huge deal breaker for me.
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by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:16 AM

He is being unreasonable -- mooches mooch -- it's what they do.  That she has been able to do it with the parents is all she gets.  If you let her move in, she'll never leave but what she will do is teach the children that laziness is okay, not cleaning up for yourself is okay AND you and your boyfriend will be fighting all the time.  If your boyfriend will put you, your kids and your relationship together on the line for any one, then you need to kick him to the curb before he moves her in.  It's almost impossible to get free loaders out once they dig in.

by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:24 AM
I'm on your side she no longer has to care for her mother so she can get a full time job and get her own place. It's not turning your back on family if they can take care of themselves just choose not to
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by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:28 AM
He's being an ass, if he wants to be responsible for her HE can move in with her when his mom passes on.
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:38 PM

Thank you. I am putting my foot down this. His sister does not belong here.

by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:09 AM

We all have to grow up sometime. Sounds like her time is now.

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