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single mom struggling with teenage boy

Posted by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:58 AM
  • 9 Replies
I've been divorced for awhile. I find myself needing support because I can't handle the anger and continual challenge of my 17 yr old by myself. His father abandoned him and ruined the majority of the relationship. So I'm left dealing with it all. And his temper flares. And he challenges me. And he battles everything. And I'm tired. Welcome any thoughts.
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:58 AM
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by Gold Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:17 AM
1 mom liked this

I'd get him into counseling to start. Also have a sit down heart-to-heart with him. Air out your frustrations and greivances and let him do the same. Talk to him, let him know what your expectations are for the year. Ask him what he plans to do after high school.

I've got a 17 yo myself who refuses to see his dad. He's had his challenges over the years but we are in a good place right now. The biggest thing I have found is that I pick my battles. It's not the end of the world if his room isn't spotless, but he does a great job keeping the kitchen clean for me.

by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:29 AM
That's a tough one. Does he have anyone he can talk to? A school counselor maybe? Do you? Sounds like he has a lot of anger and resentment built up towards his dad and is taking it out on you. I know what it's like. I had some struggles with my oldest. He's 17 now and doing much better.
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:22 AM
In in the same boat with you and I totally feel your pain. I have 15 and 12 year old boys and also three other kids, but I don't struggle with them the way I struggle with my two older boys. Is your son acting out because of his dad leaving, or is it because of the usual teenage emotional moody swings? I have trouble telling the difference when it comes to my sons. You definitely need some kind of support though, you don't have to do this by yourself! Your friends, siblings, and parents might be able to help you out with him. In boys, it's so hard to control their temper but the best thing you can do is create a peaceful environment by trying not to yell even if he's yelling.
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:45 PM

I can only imagine the pain he's been facing, since being abandoned by his father. That sure leaves a mark. I wonder how he's been able to get some of those very real and intense feelings out in healthy ways? You definitely have a tough job! It's good he has someone in his life like you to love him unconditionally. Have you thought about counseling for your son?

- Jrom828

by Platinum Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 2:35 PM

Has he had any sort of therapy to help him cope with losing the relationship with his dad?

by Kira on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:39 AM
My oldest will be 17 in two months. We had an argument today over cooking food. :( He said as long as he's living with me he expects me to feed him (cooking and dishes). I argued back telling him that he is almost an adult and he needs to be a little more independent. If he depends on me for everything he'll be lost when he's in college. :(
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 7:31 AM
Thank you all for writing : ) The loss of his more permanent has been brewing for years. It was a domestic violence instigation and both of my kids have had to learn that how to accept or not accept their dad on realistic terms. Him staying at my house petminently has actually brought a lot of peace to certain parts of our life. For those mentioning counselling, he is not open to it right now. He was in cancer treatment at two and has some chronic health issues. He has great maturity beyond his years. But I think his temper combined with chemo-induced ADHD is at play here. Since he rejects the idea of a counselor I'm considering some essential oil soothing options. I currently have lavendar and chamomile everywhere. At least it is soothing for me!!
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 7:35 AM
I meant to say our divorce was brought on by dv, I filed experte papers that resulted in our separation.
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 7:41 AM
Kira...I wrote a contract for him to sign. It outlines all aspects of living in the house...what I expect of him, what the benefits are, and what happens if he doesnt follow expectations. And that at 18 he is certainly happy to make other living arrangements if he doesnt want to live here and abide by my rules. He is good 85% of the time...but when he balks

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