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question about moving states

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
My husband and I have not yet divorced, but it is eminent. We have 4 kids, and I can't afford a place in the state we are in. My MIL offered to take us in, but she is clear across the country. I love her, and she will help get me on my feet. But my question is, legally can I take the kids out of state? If I file for divorce from there does it make it harder?

I don't want to create more problems, but I need to care for my kids in a more stable environment.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 13, 2014 at 7:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
woodstock525
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Unless and until there is a court order of any kind, both of you are the parents and either one can take the children anywhere.  If you choose to go live with your MIL, you will want to investigate to see the laws in that state regarding how long you have to reside there before you can file for divorce and how custody/visitation/child support are set up.  

If you go and he files in your current state before you establish residency and file in the new one, then you would most likely be required to return to the original state for court hearings and return the children to that state as well.  

As nice as your MIL sounds, when push comes to shove and you divorce her son, what position is she likely to take?

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:35 PM

You will create problems if you file for divoece out of state because you have to meet their jurisction requirements first, which will give your husband plenty of ammo to file for divorce and custody in his home state.

It is very possible you will not be allowed to move if Dad does not agree.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:39 PM
She loves us both, and doesn't want her grandchildren to get left behind. She sees that her son is making dumb choices, and not being responsible. When we had trouble a few years back she was always there for me. She's the mom I wish I had.

Thank you for the input, I'll look into the state requirements.

Quoting woodstock525:

Unless and until there is a court order of any kind, both of you are the parents and either one can take the children anywhere.  If you choose to go live with your MIL, you will want to investigate to see the laws in that state regarding how long you have to reside there before you can file for divorce and how custody/visitation/child support are set up.  

If you go and he files in your current state before you establish residency and file in the new one, then you would most likely be required to return to the original state for court hearings and return the children to that state as well.  

As nice as your MIL sounds, when push comes to shove and you divorce her son, what position is she likely to take?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:44 PM
He won't file and doesn't want custody. I don't think he's even going to say anything about us going.

If I have to wait a few months I will. I'm not in a rush, I just can't make it in my current state.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

You will create problems if you file for divoece out of state because you have to meet their jurisction requirements first, which will give your husband plenty of ammo to file for divorce and custody in his home state.

It is very possible you will not be allowed to move if Dad does not agree.

Oliviasmom72
by Silver Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 8:46 PM

OK but that does not mean Dad is going to be ok with being a once a year Dad or never seeing the kids again. It is not in the kids best interest to not see their Dad. You never know what Dad will do. No way in hell would I ever allow my kids to move across the country if I were him but that is just me.

Quoting Anonymous: He won't file and doesn't want custody. I don't think he's even going to say anything about us going. If I have to wait a few months I will. I'm not in a rush, I just can't make it in my current state.
Quoting Oliviasmom72:

You will create problems if you file for divoece out of state because you have to meet their jurisction requirements first, which will give your husband plenty of ammo to file for divorce and custody in his home state.

It is very possible you will not be allowed to move if Dad does not agree.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 13, 2014 at 10:51 PM
He just told me it was fine. If he cared that much I wouldn't be leaving him.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

OK but that does not mean Dad is going to be ok with being a once a year Dad or never seeing the kids again. It is not in the kids best interest to not see their Dad. You never know what Dad will do. No way in hell would I ever allow my kids to move across the country if I were him but that is just me.

Quoting Anonymous: He won't file and doesn't want custody. I don't think he's even going to say anything about us going.

If I have to wait a few months I will. I'm not in a rush, I just can't make it in my current state.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

You will create problems if you file for divoece out of state because you have to meet their jurisction requirements first, which will give your husband plenty of ammo to file for divorce and custody in his home state.

It is very possible you will not be allowed to move if Dad does not agree.

cjsmom1
by Gold Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 1:18 AM
2 moms liked this

I would leave and establish residency in my new state before filing for divorce

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 14, 2014 at 10:07 PM

Why take the kids away from their father???

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Aug. 14, 2014 at 10:30 PM
Like I said in the top post, the environment is not stable. I'm not being hurtful to anyone. This is in their best interest. I don't want my kids to hurt anymore. They and I deserve better. Their dad has consistently made selfish and painful choices. Children need to be children and to not be scared all the time.

Quoting Anonymous:

Why take the kids away from their father???

mama.grey
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 11:22 PM
1 mom liked this
I wasn't married but I was allowed to move from Colorado to Arizona with my boys. Their dads didn't really have a say in it. But if I were you I would establish residency then file. As long as you're doing what's best for your kids do what ya gotta do! From what I've read it sounds like that's the only thing you're really worried about is your kids. Good luck momma!
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