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advice please!

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

Ok so I have gone against the court order twice regarding my sons visits with his dad. His dad and I both agreed on allowing extra times and both times his father brought him back 3-4 hrs late, didn't call, so I called him no answer, and then when I called agian he had his phone shut off. Since these incidents I told my sons father from now on we are following the court order, he got mad but he has given me no choice, opinions? 

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 14, 2014 at 12:34 PM
Replies (31-40):
ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:20 PM

The court order is the court order, if he feels it is unfair then let him take you back to court over it. Otherwise, you aren't obligated to do anything other than what the order states.

Personally, I allow my ex to have my son when he asks for him and I try not to be too rigid about it because I know what it's like to grow up without a father around very much and I don't want that for my son. If he was bringing him back late and it were interfering with something I needed to do with him or too late on a school night, that would be different.

Quoting Anonymous:

If I am being unfair on going back to following the court order. 

Quoting Frances0923:

What do you need an opinion of? Your ex mad.. so what? 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:25 PM

I was not rigid at all, if he wanted extra time I would allow him to pick how much extra time, and what time he wanted to return him, and he never stayed with agreement, he would act like he had all the say. So now I am going back to the court order. 

If he wanted extra time 3-4 days a week thats fine, but stick to the agreed time. 

Quoting ANewMe0812:

The court order is the court order, if he feels it is unfair then let him take you back to court over it. Otherwise, you aren't obligated to do anything other than what the order states.

Personally, I allow my ex to have my son when he asks for him and I try not to be too rigid about it because I know what it's like to grow up without a father around very much and I don't want that for my son. If he was bringing him back late and it were interfering with something I needed to do with him or too late on a school night, that would be different.

Quoting Anonymous:

If I am being unfair on going back to following the court order. 

Quoting Frances0923:

What do you need an opinion of? Your ex mad.. so what? 



ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:38 PM
1 mom liked this

Ok, well, again that's your right since that's what is in the order. 

I'm not sure why you posted asking opinions when you are very insistent that you are right anyway.

Quoting Anonymous:

I was not rigid at all, if he wanted extra time I would allow him to pick how much extra time, and what time he wanted to return him, and he never stayed with agreement, he would act like he had all the say. So now I am going back to the court order. 

If he wanted extra time 3-4 days a week thats fine, but stick to the agreed time. 

Quoting ANewMe0812:

The court order is the court order, if he feels it is unfair then let him take you back to court over it. Otherwise, you aren't obligated to do anything other than what the order states.

Personally, I allow my ex to have my son when he asks for him and I try not to be too rigid about it because I know what it's like to grow up without a father around very much and I don't want that for my son. If he was bringing him back late and it were interfering with something I needed to do with him or too late on a school night, that would be different.

Quoting Anonymous:

If I am being unfair on going back to following the court order. 

Quoting Frances0923:

What do you need an opinion of? Your ex mad.. so what? 




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:44 PM

Honestly because it is funny and absurd that the women on here think fathers should be able to walk all over them. 

Quoting ANewMe0812:

Ok, well, again that's your right since that's what is in the order. 

I'm not sure why you posted asking opinions when you are very insistent that you are right anyway.

Quoting Anonymous:

I was not rigid at all, if he wanted extra time I would allow him to pick how much extra time, and what time he wanted to return him, and he never stayed with agreement, he would act like he had all the say. So now I am going back to the court order. 

If he wanted extra time 3-4 days a week thats fine, but stick to the agreed time. 

Quoting ANewMe0812:

The court order is the court order, if he feels it is unfair then let him take you back to court over it. Otherwise, you aren't obligated to do anything other than what the order states.

Personally, I allow my ex to have my son when he asks for him and I try not to be too rigid about it because I know what it's like to grow up without a father around very much and I don't want that for my son. If he was bringing him back late and it were interfering with something I needed to do with him or too late on a school night, that would be different.

Quoting Anonymous:

If I am being unfair on going back to following the court order. 

Quoting Frances0923:

What do you need an opinion of? Your ex mad.. so what? 




ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 2:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it's absurd that that's what you took away from what everyone said. But hey, to each their own. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Honestly because it is funny and absurd that the women on here think fathers should be able to walk all over them. 

Quoting ANewMe0812:

Ok, well, again that's your right since that's what is in the order. 

I'm not sure why you posted asking opinions when you are very insistent that you are right anyway.

Quoting Anonymous:

I was not rigid at all, if he wanted extra time I would allow him to pick how much extra time, and what time he wanted to return him, and he never stayed with agreement, he would act like he had all the say. So now I am going back to the court order. 

If he wanted extra time 3-4 days a week thats fine, but stick to the agreed time. 

Quoting ANewMe0812:

The court order is the court order, if he feels it is unfair then let him take you back to court over it. Otherwise, you aren't obligated to do anything other than what the order states.

Personally, I allow my ex to have my son when he asks for him and I try not to be too rigid about it because I know what it's like to grow up without a father around very much and I don't want that for my son. If he was bringing him back late and it were interfering with something I needed to do with him or too late on a school night, that would be different.

Quoting Anonymous:

If I am being unfair on going back to following the court order. 

Quoting Frances0923:

What do you need an opinion of? Your ex mad.. so what? 





Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 14, 2014 at 3:53 PM

 Like I said, you do what you have to do. When he was returning them to me it was always that way.  I didn't fuss with it.  I wanted to keep things out of court as much as possible.  But when things turned around, he was the one taking me to court over everything (I mean everything), til to got full custody - he may have the custody - but in essence he lost much more.  I as a mother wanted my kids to have the relationship with him.  But when he took the kids in his care - he didn't want the kids to have a relationship with me (their mother) and that's what I am hurting and pissed off at him for.  My anger will never cease because of the situation.  I am currently trying to have a relationship with my kids "today" because they are adults - but for some reason, they won't talk to me. 

Quoting Anonymous:

I mean I think 3/4 hrs late is pushing it if it were 15-20 mins it wouldn't be a big deal. 

Quoting Anonymous:

That's good.  Sounds like he's not one to be too trusted with.  Like I said, I didn't make much noise in that area, or what he did at his home, but it did piss me off, when he didn't want to comply with the same results when it was turned around. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes agreed upon times were in text. He was 3/4 hrs late and when he was about 2 hrs late I would call, he wouldn't answer and then he would shut his phone off. I had no problem him having ALL the extra time he wants as long as he sticks to the agreement on drop off times. 

Quoting Anonymous:

And... So what were the agreed upon times and did you have it in writing? 

My ex did the very thing, without agreement, he just brought them back 15-30 min late every week. I didn't really make any noise about it, as long as it wasn't going into 1, 2 or 3 hours. But then when it reversed, and I was late, I made a call to him, but his wife was the one answering the phone wasn't a very nice person, not even to my kids.  It happened once.  After that he was taking me to court over every little thing.

Quoting Anonymous:

Don't get me wrong I feel bad having to not allow extra time. But he takes advantage. When he dropped him off each time, he told me he felt he can keep our son anytime he wants, regardless of what we agree on. He just acts very entitled. I had no problem him having all the extra time he wanted, as long as he sticks to what was agreed on. 

Quoting Anonymous:

 Yeah, i know what you mean.  I did the very thing you did.  But then when it reversed for me, he didn't take anything in to considerationw towards me.  So,do what you must do. 

Quoting Anonymous:

The first time he didn't stick to the agreement I gave him a second chance. He didn't follow the agreement the second time. If I give into him he is just going to keep on doing it. 

Quoting Nisha929:

I agree but I would hope that she wouldn't allow extra time if she thought dad had an ulterior motive.

Quoting Anonymous:

 Sometimes one doesn't know what the other's ulterior motive may be.  So they have to be careful in decision making.   

Quoting Nisha929:

You don't have to be a doormat and I can understand you being upset that he didn't call and say he was running late but as Virginiamama said...some children don't get what your son is getting. Let him spend time with his dad. Just talk to dad about giving courtesy calls if he's gonna be late. I wish my kids father wanted to spend time with them. Some women are just never satisfied no matter what dad does...smh.  

Quoting Anonymous:

I am very flexible. Sorry I am not willing to let my sons father call all the shots. I was very fair and let him pick how much extra time he had and what time he wants to return him. But also if your going to abuse the fact that I am giving extra time yes I am going to follow the court order.

I am not willing to be a doormat. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

LukeWarmwater
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 5:48 PM

That's ridiculous.  my ex has pulled this with me, says he is bringing them back at 4, then shows up at 9:30 after no contact/ignoring me.  I don't mind him keeping them late, but I do mind sitting around the house not knowing where my children are.  Or having them brought back so late and not bathed.
I don't cut into HIS time with the kids so he shouldn't cut into mine. It's rude. 

Quoting Nisha929:

You don't have to be a doormat and I can understand you being upset that he didn't call and say he was running late but as Virginiamama said...some children don't get what your son is getting. Let him spend time with his dad. Just talk to dad about giving courtesy calls if he's gonna be late. I wish my kids father wanted to spend time with them. Some women are just never satisfied no matter what dad does...smh.  

Quoting Anonymous:

I am very flexible. Sorry I am not willing to let my sons father call all the shots. I was very fair and let him pick how much extra time he had and what time he wants to return him. But also if your going to abuse the fact that I am giving extra time yes I am going to follow the court order.

I am not willing to be a doormat. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 If he is with you more than he is with his father, than let him enjoy the extra time with his father. and if he is late, and not responding think of the fun they must be having.

Remember too many children do not have their father in their life.

Quoting Anonymous:

He is 7. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 how old are the children?

Quoting Anonymous:

I called when he was already almost 2 hours late, he could have at least given me a courtesy call. If we agree on extra time, and what time I expect to stick to the agreement and he pulled this twice. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 Maybe they were busy when you called so he did not want to answer and wanted to continue enjoying the time with the children.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

We AGREED on times, both of us. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 how much extra time?








 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:01 PM

See thats the way I am. I do not care how much my sons father's dad wanted I was willing to give him the extra time. As long as it was reasonable and not super super late. Same here he would say he would have our son back at 6, and it would turn into 10 pm!

Quoting LukeWarmwater:

That's ridiculous.  my ex has pulled this with me, says he is bringing them back at 4, then shows up at 9:30 after no contact/ignoring me.  I don't mind him keeping them late, but I do mind sitting around the house not knowing where my children are.  Or having them brought back so late and not bathed.I don't cut into HIS time with the kids so he shouldn't cut into mine. It's rude. 

Quoting Nisha929:

You don't have to be a doormat and I can understand you being upset that he didn't call and say he was running late but as Virginiamama said...some children don't get what your son is getting. Let him spend time with his dad. Just talk to dad about giving courtesy calls if he's gonna be late. I wish my kids father wanted to spend time with them. Some women are just never satisfied no matter what dad does...smh.  

Quoting Anonymous:

I am very flexible. Sorry I am not willing to let my sons father call all the shots. I was very fair and let him pick how much extra time he had and what time he wants to return him. But also if your going to abuse the fact that I am giving extra time yes I am going to follow the court order.

I am not willing to be a doormat. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 If he is with you more than he is with his father, than let him enjoy the extra time with his father. and if he is late, and not responding think of the fun they must be having.

Remember too many children do not have their father in their life.

Quoting Anonymous:

He is 7. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 how old are the children?

Quoting Anonymous:

I called when he was already almost 2 hours late, he could have at least given me a courtesy call. If we agree on extra time, and what time I expect to stick to the agreement and he pulled this twice. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 Maybe they were busy when you called so he did not want to answer and wanted to continue enjoying the time with the children.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

We AGREED on times, both of us. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 how much extra time?








 



LukeWarmwater
by Member on Aug. 14, 2014 at 6:05 PM

Ya thats bullshit.  my ex mostly does this when he has some bimbo he's trying to impress.  He wants me to angry text him so he can show her what a bitch i am, and get sympathy.  I know him too well lol.

Quoting Anonymous:

See thats the way I am. I do not care how much my sons father's dad wanted I was willing to give him the extra time. As long as it was reasonable and not super super late. Same here he would say he would have our son back at 6, and it would turn into 10 pm!

Quoting LukeWarmwater:

That's ridiculous.  my ex has pulled this with me, says he is bringing them back at 4, then shows up at 9:30 after no contact/ignoring me.  I don't mind him keeping them late, but I do mind sitting around the house not knowing where my children are.  Or having them brought back so late and not bathed.I don't cut into HIS time with the kids so he shouldn't cut into mine. It's rude. 

Quoting Nisha929:

You don't have to be a doormat and I can understand you being upset that he didn't call and say he was running late but as Virginiamama said...some children don't get what your son is getting. Let him spend time with his dad. Just talk to dad about giving courtesy calls if he's gonna be late. I wish my kids father wanted to spend time with them. Some women are just never satisfied no matter what dad does...smh.  

Quoting Anonymous:

I am very flexible. Sorry I am not willing to let my sons father call all the shots. I was very fair and let him pick how much extra time he had and what time he wants to return him. But also if your going to abuse the fact that I am giving extra time yes I am going to follow the court order.

I am not willing to be a doormat. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 If he is with you more than he is with his father, than let him enjoy the extra time with his father. and if he is late, and not responding think of the fun they must be having.

Remember too many children do not have their father in their life.

Quoting Anonymous:

He is 7. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 how old are the children?

Quoting Anonymous:

I called when he was already almost 2 hours late, he could have at least given me a courtesy call. If we agree on extra time, and what time I expect to stick to the agreement and he pulled this twice. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 Maybe they were busy when you called so he did not want to answer and wanted to continue enjoying the time with the children.

 

Quoting Anonymous:

We AGREED on times, both of us. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 how much extra time?








 




LifeCafe42
by Nora on Aug. 14, 2014 at 11:49 PM
If common courtesy can't be respected than you should follow the order
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
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