My 12 year marriage ended almost 3 years ago. For about the past year and 1/2, I've been in a committed relationship with another man. He's a good man, and he is good to my kids. We have a stable, healthy, drama-free relationship.
My ex-husband is not in a relationship....not that he hasn't been, though. He has had multiple relationships with other women since we divorced.
I have physical custody, we share legal. My kids see their father like clockwork-every other weekend. We only live about 30 minutes apart.
My issue is this. I have a son and daughter. My son, who is 7 years old, is often sad about the fact that his father and I are no longer together. When he gets sad, I always stop what I'm doing and sit down to talk with him. He tells me he just wishes we could still all be together. He wishes his father and I could get back together. I basically listen, tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am that his daddy and I couldn't make it work. I explain that we just decided we could be better parents to them if we didn't live together.
I'm so tired of feeling guilty! I'm so tired of feeling like a shitty mother for wanting a happy intimate relationship! I give EVERYTHING of myself to my kids! I bust my butt everyday at work and come home at night to do all the stuff that good mothers do for their kids and then I get up the next day and do it all again because I love them! But dammit I deserve someone who loves me the way I should be loved, and treats me like a lady, and is responsible and honorable and.....Ugh!!!! Being an grown up is hard! They have no idea! I won't get into the reasons for my divorce but will just say that their father was the exact opposite of all those things...BUT I CANT TELL THEM THAT-AND I DONT-THEY ONLY HEAR ME SAY GOOD THINGS ABOUT HIM. And I stayed with him all those years because I didn't think I deserved or could find anything better and I was wrong!! No I am not perfect but I'm a good mother and a good person and I'm tired of feeling like I failed my kids!!! I did fail them actually........😔😔....so did their father......but I'm human.....and I'm trying to make it up to them. Why can't my kids just see that and be happy for me. :-( I just want to cry....guess this turned into a rant. I'm sorry, just needed to get that off my chest but I have no one to talk to about it. 😔