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I love my kids....AND I deserve happiness

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Does anyone else feel this way? I'm just feeling really frustrated and sad right now......
My 12 year marriage ended almost 3 years ago. For about the past year and 1/2, I've been in a committed relationship with another man. He's a good man, and he is good to my kids. We have a stable, healthy, drama-free relationship.
My ex-husband is not in a relationship....not that he hasn't been, though. He has had multiple relationships with other women since we divorced.
I have physical custody, we share legal. My kids see their father like clockwork-every other weekend. We only live about 30 minutes apart.
My issue is this. I have a son and daughter. My son, who is 7 years old, is often sad about the fact that his father and I are no longer together. When he gets sad, I always stop what I'm doing and sit down to talk with him. He tells me he just wishes we could still all be together. He wishes his father and I could get back together. I basically listen, tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am that his daddy and I couldn't make it work. I explain that we just decided we could be better parents to them if we didn't live together.
I'm so tired of feeling guilty! I'm so tired of feeling like a shitty mother for wanting a happy intimate relationship! I give EVERYTHING of myself to my kids! I bust my butt everyday at work and come home at night to do all the stuff that good mothers do for their kids and then I get up the next day and do it all again because I love them! But dammit I deserve someone who loves me the way I should be loved, and treats me like a lady, and is responsible and honorable and.....Ugh!!!! Being an grown up is hard! They have no idea! I won't get into the reasons for my divorce but will just say that their father was the exact opposite of all those things...BUT I CANT TELL THEM THAT-AND I DONT-THEY ONLY HEAR ME SAY GOOD THINGS ABOUT HIM. And I stayed with him all those years because I didn't think I deserved or could find anything better and I was wrong!! No I am not perfect but I'm a good mother and a good person and I'm tired of feeling like I failed my kids!!! I did fail them actually........😔😔 did their father......but I'm human.....and I'm trying to make it up to them. Why can't my kids just see that and be happy for me. :-( I just want to cry....guess this turned into a rant. I'm sorry, just needed to get that off my chest but I have no one to talk to about it. 😔
by on Aug. 14, 2014 at 8:58 PM
Replies (11-14):
by on Aug. 15, 2014 at 6:35 PM

 I dont see it as failing your kids... You did the adult, responsible thing in keeping their home life happy and nurturing.  I wouldn't worry too much about your son and his feelings.  Yes, respect them and let him talk about it, but don't take it to heart as a "failing".  He is having normal feelings about a situation he sees as less than ideal.  But we all have those types of feelings.  If you and SO are financially ok, don't you ever have wishes of "what if?"  What if you won the lottery and could have ____ or do ______ with the kids???  It doesn't mean you are upset that SO and you are not earnng enough money.  It doesn't mean you think SO failed you in some way.  Its just a wistful feeling of things could be a little more "ideal".  That is only human.  This is along the lines of what your son is feeling.  What he doesn't know is how crappy life with mom and dad together would be if you'd stayed intact in your marriage... so give yourself a break. You are doing just fine.

by on Aug. 16, 2014 at 11:59 AM

Kids are notoriously selfish. My brother and sister pretty much hated my mom for divorcing our father... it took a year or two for them to see the light and see him for who he really is. They both talk to my mom now and haven't talked to our father in years. 

As a parent you shouldn't say bad things about your child's other parent... but one day they will see the parent ina  different light and might understand.

by Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 7:57 PM

First off, I'm so sorry about your breakup with your ex-hubby, divorce is such a horrible ordeal, I watched my parents(late dad); for being together so many yrs, and now they are not together! But you have not failed your children, you are human & not prefect, you're just trying to do the best you can by being the best mommy and yes you do deserve a good man who will love your kids & love you for you! But don't be selfish of putting yourself last because your son wants you & his father back! Sometimes, things happen for a reason, its a blessing that your kids are here, and continue to live your life! Always surround yourself with positive, God fearing people! Goodluck

by Silver Member on Aug. 17, 2014 at 10:46 PM
Your son is 7. He's still young. I would focus more on him than my own happiness. Sometimes you just need to wait for your kids to be ready for you to date not just yourself. Especially if you are planning to bring that man into their lives. You divorced their father 3 years ago and a year after That you bought a new man in their lives. Maybe it was too soon
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