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She is NOT her other mom!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies

Ok, excuse my fuming-ness - I've had this recounted to me by an upset 5yr old!

ExH and his new GF took DD out for a day, he hasn't seen her in a few months and GF hadn't met DD before, but they wanted to take her for a day to a local attraction. DD was excited to go. This I have no problem with.

Apparently, at some point during the day DD had been playing and another person, innocently, said something along the lines of "you look like you're having a nice day out with mommy and daddy" - DD apparently said "that's not my mommy" and ExH stepped in and said to the person that it was, and later said to DD that his GF was "her other mommy", said that she should call her mommy because she was the same as her mommy. 

DD was quiet when they dropped her off which I expected as she would be tired, but later recounted the story to me and got upset, I think she was confused by the whole thing.

My inner tiger mother wants to rip ExH's head, just for confusing and upsetting DD, but I wanted to check first whether I was being silly! 

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 25, 2014 at 7:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
terpmama
by on Aug. 25, 2014 at 7:49 AM
1 mom liked this
I do not support forcing children to call anyone mom or dad who isn't...

However I would talk (calmly) with ex as the "she's just like mommy" could just be idiot speak for she's a grown up with whom you spend time and need to follow directions from/respect... It could also be idiot speak for, I'm embassrassed that my love life is public knowledge to this stranger now and don't want it happening again... As opposed to trying to force a bond.

I would let ex know that it upset and confused your dd. And see what happens... I would have this convo privately with him and calmly.
mrsary
by Silver Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 7:50 AM
I think the woman was just talking. Sounds like they are in the honeymoon stages.
mrsary
by Silver Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 7:51 AM
But you getting mad is also justifiable. Idk what I would do in that situation. 5 is still young and manipulative.
jessi2girls
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 8:00 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry, but what he did was wrong one a few different levels.  Never force a child to call an SO mommy or daddy.. if the child chooses to, that's one thing (unless SO asks them not to), but forcing is wrong.   Two, it's only the first time your daugther met this women.. to her, she is a total stranger!!! He should give his daughter a chance to get to know her.. and talk to her about who this person is... if it's serious. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 25, 2014 at 8:39 AM
It probably was because it was a stranger and they didnt have time to explain. A long time ago i had a friend who was my babysitter. And she was in her 40s at the time. I was in my 20s. And a negihbor asked me was that my aunt. Obviously she isnt. But i just said yes. I didnt have time to explain. Plus its none of her business anyway. She went on to say how i look like my aunt and everything...lol.
Callaly
by Jessica on Aug. 25, 2014 at 8:44 AM
1 mom liked this

 I would FLIP!

My ex was dating a girl right when we ended our relationship. This woman had 2 kids, one day DD came home and said that she has 2 sisters and told me their names. I flipped and my ex told me that I am just jealous ect.. They ended the relationship about 9 months later.. this was about 2 years ago, the other day DD said "I have no brothers but I do have 2 sisters I don't see" and proceeded to say their names...

Men don't get that you cant just force a family together it needs to happen naturally.

trfgirl56701
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 8:49 AM

I would probably flip but I'd try to talk with the ex about it and explain that it confused your DD. I don't think you should force a child to call anyone mommy/daddy, especially after just meeting them. My dad has been married to my stepmom since I was 13 and I still don't call her mom even though she's like a 2nd mom to me. At times she's been more of a mom to me than my actual mom.

ANewMe0812
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 9:06 AM
3 moms liked this

Hell to the NO! That would not be ok with me either! He needs to realize that your DD has a mommy that she loves and that is the only mommy she wants and needs right now. My blood is boiling just reading this haha.

LifeCafe42
by Nora on Aug. 25, 2014 at 9:10 AM
I think l would try to explain to ex that it confused her and gf can be like a mom but won't ever be mom. When he gets defensive ask how he would feel if you had a bf and told DD to call him dad
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faerie75
by Ruby Member on Aug. 25, 2014 at 7:11 PM

 nope not being silly at all! i wouldnt do that ever, ESPECIALLY not the first time meeting a NEW gf. wtf, dad.

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