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what should I do?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies

My ex(we are separated) molested my 11 year old. There wasn't enough evidence to charge him so he is free and trying to have access to my kids. None of the kids want to see him. I don't know if he did anything to another child but I have suspicions. We both have to sign for counselling and him and the lawyers want me to sign that it is to the counselors discretion if reintegration should begin. What if the counselor says okay begin and they start to sleep at his house. How do I stand up to him bullying me and the lawyers wanting me to comply so I don't look like I am a ailienating the father? What would you do? Btw my daughter is terrified at night that he will return. He physically and emotionally abused me but I only left after I was told to leave by CAS because of my daughter's admission.



Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:01 AM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:15 AM

What does your children's services worker say to do?

HAHuskey
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:30 AM
If I were in your shoes, I'd do everything in my power to protect my kids. I'd tell my lawyer that my dd is traumatized and will not be seeing her father any time soon. The WORST thing for a child in that state is to be forced back into the same situation she was in before. She will be afraid, think you don't care about her, think she deserves it, begin believing that abusive relationships are normal, and maybe even resort to similar behaviors(molestig youger sibligs, having sex at a young age, ect). It happens all of the time. I would see about a different lawyer, restraining order, contact dhs. If they continue insisting(or begin threatening taking you to court), agree to supervised visits and nothing more. Maybe even insist a mediator(social worker or therapist) be at every visitation.

"You call him a survivor? He's not. A man comes up against that kind of will, the only way to deal with it, I suspect, is to become it."
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:39 AM


Quoting krisnkids:

What does your children's services worker say to do?

The CAS worker believes my child and has given no access at this time. She believes an opinion from a counselor would help in court and is quite willing to come to court if the results are one sided. In the meantime the father is screaming alienation and denies the molestation. My issue is the pushing to sign away my rights on the counseling. What if the kids don't like her or want to talk. What if she decides to send them to sleep over, I won't have a say. CAS can only protect them so much. I am very worried. His lawyer is a bully and he has gotten away with so much so far.

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:40 AM

 did you report this to CPS?

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:53 AM

I would suggest calling the CAS worker. If CAS says no access then no access. I would also go to court and request to suspend visitation for all the children until the CAS investigation is complete. Do not let the lawyers bully you. They call, let it go to voicemail. While you are in court I would request a GAL.

Quoting Anonymous 1:


Quoting krisnkids:

What does your children's services worker say to do?

The CAS worker believes my child and has given no access at this time. She believes an opinion from a counselor would help in court and is quite willing to come to court if the results are one sided. In the meantime the father is screaming alienation and denies the molestation. My issue is the pushing to sign away my rights on the counseling. What if the kids don't like her or want to talk. What if she decides to send them to sleep over, I won't have a say. CAS can only protect them so much. I am very worried. His lawyer is a bully and he has gotten away with so much so far.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:57 AM

Thank-you, I haven't gotten a restraining order, but it is something I will look into. I am trying to protect the kids and I hope the therapist will help me help them. Right now I feel everyone is taking our money and Noone really helps. My daughter has gone through so much and you are right she would never trust me if she had to see him. I have written my lawyer saying I only agree to trauma therapy at this time. I just can't put my child's future in a counselor I do not know.

Quoting HAHuskey: If I were in your shoes, I'd do everything in my power to protect my kids. I'd tell my lawyer that my dd is traumatized and will not be seeing her father any time soon. The WORST thing for a child in that state is to be forced back into the same situation she was in before. She will be afraid, think you don't care about her, think she deserves it, begin believing that abusive relationships are normal, and maybe even resort to similar behaviors(molestig youger sibligs, having sex at a young age, ect). It happens all of the time. I would see about a different lawyer, restraining order, contact dhs. If they continue insisting(or begin threatening taking you to court), agree to supervised visits and nothing more. Maybe even insist a mediator(social worker or therapist) be at every visitation. "You call him a survivor? He's not. A man comes up against that kind of will, the only way to deal with it, I suspect, is to become it."


HAHuskey
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:04 AM
Sounds like a good start. I don't see how a therapist could ever condone her going back if she is still having major issues with it. My friend is in her residency(idk if that's what they call the internship part of training) to be a therapist and says that she'd never allow that. If she had to write the judge and have him issue a no contact order, she would. "The physical AND mental wellbeing of a child trumps the father's rights." Were her exact words.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thank-you, I haven't gotten a restraining order, but it is something I will look into. I am trying to protect the kids and I hope the therapist will help me help them. Right now I feel everyone is taking our money and Noone really helps. My daughter has gone through so much and you are right she would never trust me if she had to see him. I have written my lawyer saying I only agree to trauma therapy at this time. I just can't put my child's future in a counselor I do not know.

Quoting HAHuskey: If I were in your shoes, I'd do everything in my power to protect my kids. I'd tell my lawyer that my dd is traumatized and will not be seeing her father any time soon. The WORST thing for a child in that state is to be forced back into the same situation she was in before. She will be afraid, think you don't care about her, think she deserves it, begin believing that abusive relationships are normal, and maybe even resort to similar behaviors(molestig youger sibligs, having sex at a young age, ect). It happens all of the time. I would see about a different lawyer, restraining order, contact dhs. If they continue insisting(or begin threatening taking you to court), agree to supervised visits and nothing more. Maybe even insist a mediator(social worker or therapist) be at every visitation.

"You call him a survivor? He's not. A man comes up against that kind of will, the only way to deal with it, I suspect, is to become it."

SuckIt69
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:10 AM
I would do everything in my power to keep my child from that man. If I couldn't legally, I would move to a foreign country and disappear.
ame4c
by Group Admin on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:18 AM
You've got some good advice here. The only thing I would add is start keeping a journal of facts with details. This will help with court. Note date times and conversations. Note dates and times of your DD's nightmares (if any) or when she sees the theropist, DR or etc. Basically document everything. It helps you answer questions quickly and accurate (without forgetting details). Energy and nerves run high in court this will just help with that. It can also help your lawyer and her theropist.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:24 AM

Thank-you for the advice. I will look into GAL.

Quoting krisnkids:

I would suggest calling the CAS worker. If CAS says no access then no access. I would also go to court and request to suspend visitation for all the children until the CAS investigation is complete. Do not let the lawyers bully you. They call, let it go to voicemail. While you are in court I would request a GAL.

Quoting Anonymous 1:


Quoting krisnkids:

What does your children's services worker say to do?

The CAS worker believes my child and has given no access at this time. She believes an opinion from a counselor would help in court and is quite willing to come to court if the results are one sided. In the meantime the father is screaming alienation and denies the molestation. My issue is the pushing to sign away my rights on the counseling. What if the kids don't like her or want to talk. What if she decides to send them to sleep over, I won't have a say. CAS can only protect them so much. I am very worried. His lawyer is a bully and he has gotten away with so much so far.



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