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If your ex "needed to talk" would you sit down with him? UPDATE

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 9:37 AM
  • 43 Replies

My ex & I were best friends since 7th grade until our divorce in 2012. It was very hard for me to not be able to turn to him for advice or help around the house or just chat with him about work & the kids or whatnot. But I got over it. Long story but our divorce came about because of multiple affairs. He now lives with the girl who is part of the reason for the divorce. And their son. He still tries to make small talk with me (mostly BS about how his job sucks or his car is a POS- I just blow him off with a "I have to go" or "I don't care" look).

Well last night I needed him to call me when he could because I had to talk to him about a medical issue one of our DDs has (nothing serious but wanted to let him know). So he asked me if I had a moment sometime when I could talk. He said there have been somethings going on that he wants to get my advice or thoughts on. He also said he understands if I don't want to but he thought he would ask since "You know me better than I know myself". Well I THOUGHT I did! And at some point I did! But he is not the same person I thought I knew! 

I almost agreed to talk to him. But then he went into a few things- issues with work & the GF. And now IDK. My 1st thought it "you made your bed, now you can lie in it". But then I think of the fact that he did lose every single friend he had when we divorced. NONE of his friends wants to talk to him anymore because he chose to abandon me & the kids for another woman. And they were all better friends with him than with me (they were his "brothers" if you will).

So, would any of you ladies sit & talk with him knowing he is having trouble in paradise so to speak?

12/4/14 UPDATE: Well last night we sat down & I listened to him vent for 2 hours. I didn't say anything really. I had so much I wanted to say to his face though. But I just listened. He informed me his GF & him have been getting into a lot of fights lately. Yes, some physical on HER part (she has scratched him, left bruises, & torn his clothing). Mostly over money & how disrespectful she is to him. Well first off she is 23 & he is 40 (as of Sunday). I bet no one ever taught her how to respect her elders! But that's not the point. He told me he was going to leave her when their lease is up in April. He also said he is going to get child support lowered because he isn't making ends meet with only $250 every 2 weeks. That's what happens when you take a job paying $8/hour! Right now I get paid more & get better benefits than he does & I work in child care! 

I don't know what he thought he was going to get from me but all I could tell him was he needs to file for his rights (they aren't married) & then file for visitation. And I told him that if there is a CO in place she can not keep their child from him- even if he isn't paying support. (Thank you ladies all over CM for that bit of advice). If he thought I would feel sorry for him I don't. If anything it made me realize I am better off without him & that the life I have with my boyfriend (who didn't want me to talk to my ex at all) is 100% better than it was before!

by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 9:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
randi1978
by Murdoc's Mistress on Nov. 8, 2014 at 9:57 AM

Honestly, I don't know if I would or not.  I suppose it might show some cordialness to hear him out and that is always good for kids to see, but given his current issues and the issues that led to your divorce, it might not be a good thing. 

It's difficult for me to relate because when my ex husband and I split, he simply disappeared.  Kiddo and I haven't seen him in years.

MyHeartDA
by Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:05 AM
2 moms liked this
Definitely... I would want as much information on him as possible. You need to know if he's OK to be in your children s life, mentally and you know knowledge is power learn as much as possible from your conversation and just listen and give honest advice.
grneyedormom
by Kendra on Nov. 8, 2014 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes, I would and I have. Because my ex and I are friends, and co parents.
idomatter
by Bronze Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 11:26 AM

Yes you have history you were very close. My ex would talk to me about his troubles until he finally got in the relationship he's in now.

 

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 1:36 PM
I talk to my ex fine. He does t talk to me about his relationships though.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Nov. 8, 2014 at 1:41 PM

In your situation, I don't think i would want to. I'd probably say "how about you talk to your GF about that". With my ex husband, we ended badly and he hasnt seen our daughter in a year so I'd also tell him to fuck off. My ex that i have my other child with, I would sit down with him, we still talk basically like friends.

CampClan
by Bronze Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 6:19 PM

That's what I want to say to him "don't you think if you are having problems in your relationship then you should talk to your girlfriend about that & not your ex wife?". But let's be honest here- he's going to be 40 next month. And she will be 24! Yes, that is correct, there is a 16 year age gap between them! Honestly it seems that she is living her life, making her dreams come true, & he is literally stuck in a dead end job making nothing & barely keeping his head above water. He needs a friend that will listen but I don't think that person is me. All I can say is "tough shit! I was there for you & you chose to treat me like crap so you get what you give".

Quoting Anonymous 1:

In your situation, I don't think i would want to. I'd probably say "how about you talk to your GF about that". With my ex husband, we ended badly and he hasnt seen our daughter in a year so I'd also tell him to fuck off. My ex that i have my other child with, I would sit down with him, we still talk basically like friends.


ame4c
by Group Admin on Nov. 8, 2014 at 6:40 PM
3 moms liked this
It is very inappropriate for him to ask this of you. It is an emotional affair. You need to draw boundaries and ONLY talk about your kids. Kid talk is the only thing appropriate here.
cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Nov. 9, 2014 at 3:07 AM

It depends on if you think you could give him honest advice without letting your personal feelings get in the way. I talk to my ex about everything, but our relationship isn't typical.

PinkEminem
by on Nov. 9, 2014 at 4:14 AM

Not if we divorced on those terms... It's up to you, though, it's your life. 

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