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Does Family Court De-Moralize Families

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies

I ask this question because through the years talking with people, I get that impression. 

 I have heard comments like the following: 

  • "I hate what they did to me in court.' 
  • "I hate my ex more now, than when we were married." 
  •  "I never hated before marriage or during marriage,"  
  • "Why after the divorce court does it have to be so ugly?" 
  •  "I hate the ex when we were in court because they not only lied, but brought out personal issues that was no ones business prior to the marriage."  
  •  "I hate the comments I get from other family members ," 
  •  "I hate the ex-in-laws and didn't before." "The ex-in-laws changed, but don't recognize the errors of their own son or daughter."

On and on the list goes.

So I ask:.  Does the Family Court System want to destroy families, instead of helping families to remain intact in a civilized situation?. (Not saying, the couple to remarry, but be civilized with each other after the divorce. People don't get married to get a divorce, but sometimes it must happen, but why the demoralization within families especially where children have to witness such behavior/ acts between the family members.

 

 

 

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 4, 2014 at 3:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
logicgirl
by on Dec. 4, 2014 at 3:50 PM

Great question and I have friends from both genders who have had to deal with this issue. I also have a relative who is an attorney and frankly the answer is Yes. The legal system is confrontational by nature. When a couple goes through a divorce and/or custody battle, most attorneys will try to make the other parent look unfit and try to attack his or her character. So basically you have both sides trashing the other side and then the court wants them to get along immediately. Let me give you an example. How would you feel if let's say you got a divorce from someone and he claimed you were having an affair, abused your kids, and had a drinking and alcohol problem, yet none of it was true. Would you honestly be able to get along with him or vice versa? Unfortunately the courts and adults make it about them and not their kids. 

In addition, many lawyers drag out court cases for months or even years trying to make as much money as they can off of clients. 

Also and I try to be fair with things, in fairness men often get shafted in courts. I know of courts where the mother gets awarded the child over 95 percent of the time. I realize there are some deadbeats out there but frankly the courts often make the NCP more or less a deadbeat. Can you imagine only getting to see your child a few times a month if you are lucky and then trying to seriously bond with them?

Also NCP grandparents in many states have no rights at all so it is possible for the CP to basically take the NCP and their family out of a child's life.


krisnkids
by Gold Member on Dec. 4, 2014 at 3:59 PM
4 moms liked this

How can families remain intact? Divorce splits the family up. If people could remain civilized and be nice to eachother there is a good chance they would still be married.

I know there's no such thing as a stupid question but really? Courts don't destroy families, PEOPLE destroy families. Lying, cheating....... Courts don't do that, court is the result of what people do.

amonkeymom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 4, 2014 at 4:08 PM

I agree.

When my ex and I went for our divorce hearing, the judge actually commended us for being able to put aside our own differences for the sake of doing what was best for our children.  To both of us, the kids are more important than our feelings for (or against, lol) eachother.  The court didn't destroy our marraige, that's something we did (or he did, with his cheating) on our own.

Quoting krisnkids:

How can families remain intact? Divorce splits the family up. If people could remain civilized and be nice to eachother there is a good chance they would still be married.

I know there's no such thing as a stupid question but really? Courts don't destroy families, PEOPLE destroy families. Lying, cheating....... Courts don't do that, court is the result of what people do.


Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on Dec. 4, 2014 at 4:34 PM

The parents demoralize themselves. They act like assholes, both hire attorneys and duke it out and the only winners are the lawyers pocketing huge fees. I wish courts would put a stop to the nonsense.

cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Dec. 4, 2014 at 5:09 PM


Quoting krisnkids:

How can families remain intact? Divorce splits the family up. If people could remain civilized and be nice to eachother there is a good chance they would still be married.

I know there's no such thing as a stupid question but really? Courts don't destroy families, PEOPLE destroy families. Lying, cheating....... Courts don't do that, court is the result of what people do.

This is exactly what I wanted to say


cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Dec. 4, 2014 at 5:09 PM


Quoting Oliviasmom72:

The parents demoralize themselves. They act like assholes, both hire attorneys and duke it out and the only winners are the lawyers pocketing huge fees. I wish courts would put a stop to the nonsense.

Exactly. The former couple does it to each other


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 4, 2014 at 7:57 PM

I been thinking that also that court brings rules for seeing your own child that does seem harsh for either parent but it brings order and disciple so one would not take advantage of the situation over another I personally would not want to go to court for the child I would want just to maintain a way to share with each parent seeing if that would be done with each parent if not then you go to court for regulations like any other thing just like as growing up you are told if you do not follow rules you will not succeed.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 5, 2014 at 6:49 AM

I am in the middle of divorce right now and it is brutal for everyone including extended family. I have seen my parents age through this and although my kids are doing better with their father gone (abusive) I the whole thing just immobolizes me and the kids see me as much as try for them not to, they take their cues from it and it affects them. You stand in court and they tell you what to do but they don't come to your home and really know what is going on. It comes down to which lawyer can tell the better story. It is awful, the worst thing I have ever gone through. I tried to go to mediation to avoid this but exh was going to leave us with nothing. If he had not have abused my daughter I probably would still be with him because that is how brutal divorce and the courts are.  

Callaly
by Jessica on Dec. 5, 2014 at 1:10 PM

If you are going to court, then you aren't getting along, family isn't intact, you aren't on the same page.. so of course its going to be messy.


faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 5, 2014 at 2:16 PM
1 mom liked this

 i hate court. fucking HATE it. i feel as if family law attorneys mostly make shit worse than it has to be, so they can make money. i feel that almost ALL family courts are biased one way or another because they are human and i dont want them in my life.

sometimes they are a necessary evil but if i can finagle anything out of court i would do that first. id make custody orders under agreement and then just file them, if at all possible.

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