Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Joint VS Full Legal Custody *UPDATE*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 28 Replies

Can someone please explain and give me examples of the difference between full legal custody & joint legal custody. For instance, if you have joint legal custody, does the non residential parent have a say in doctors, schooling, living quarters (if you were to move to another town), after school activities, etc. Thanks!


Just to clarify - this has nothing to do with religion, I was just using examples because I wasn't sure what "counted" and what didn't when it came to agreeing on certain subject. Does he hit her? No. Does he have a drug or alcohol problem? No. But he doesn't neglect her in the sense of he never does anything with her. He has her 50% of the time that I do and she's always sent to her room to play by herself. There' no relationship with him. That is why she is miserable. Also, this move situation really has me confused now. He moved out of town/county but I was told I couldn't do anything because he didn't request to change schools. He wants to change the schedule but he has yet to come up with a better solution. I've given him plenty of options but they don't work for him.

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 31, 2014 at 11:11 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
wendythewriter
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 11:45 AM

Yes. Joint legal custody means you need to work together to make decisions re education, religion, doctors, major medical treatment (you can take to the doctor for a cold or a check up, but you can't just decide alone to have tonsils removed or something like that). It also means you can't just move without talking to him. 

Sole or full legal custody means that you are the one making the major decisions alone. I have sole legal (and physical, in my case) custody. I can make any and all decisions regarding my kids and it doesn't matter what my ex thinks. If he were a part of their lives, I could choose to hear him out if I wanted, but I would have no obligation to compromise or do what he wants. The only thing you may still have to do with full/sole legal custody is getting an okay to move - that could interfere with visitation and such, so you might still need either his okay or a judge's okay. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 31, 2014 at 11:59 AM

 So is it a "violation" if he begins taking her to church or teaching her religious things without discussing it with me? What about if I were to move but it wouldn't affect the schedule, the only thing it would change is her schooling and the school she would be attending is ranked better? What about major medical - does this include taking her to a specialist for a consultation? What if they want to do tests, do we have to agree on that? Or what about immunizations? Sorry for all the specific questions but my ex is doing as he please with everything and I'm not sure what he is supposed to be discussing with me.

Quoting wendythewriter:

Yes. Joint legal custody means you need to work together to make decisions re education, religion, doctors, major medical treatment (you can take to the doctor for a cold or a check up, but you can't just decide alone to have tonsils removed or something like that). It also means you can't just move without talking to him. 

Sole or full legal custody means that you are the one making the major decisions alone. I have sole legal (and physical, in my case) custody. I can make any and all decisions regarding my kids and it doesn't matter what my ex thinks. If he were a part of their lives, I could choose to hear him out if I wanted, but I would have no obligation to compromise or do what he wants. The only thing you may still have to do with full/sole legal custody is getting an okay to move - that could interfere with visitation and such, so you might still need either his okay or a judge's okay. 

 

Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 12:06 PM

Joint legal means Dad has some say in a little of everything.

It would help if you clarify what exactly you have. Whatever each of you do, it does not necessarily have to be mentioned in the order. If you move if the kid is changing schools that may be an issue. All this should have been addressed in the order if there is one.

Full custody does not mean the custodial parent can dicatate what Dad does, and you still have to be careful about moving. Basically if its not in the order, either parent can probably do it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 31, 2014 at 12:39 PM

 So is it a "violation" if he begins taking her to church or teaching her religious things without discussing it with me? What about if I were to move but it wouldn't affect the schedule, the only thing it would change is her schooling and the school she would be attending is ranked better? What about major medical - does this include taking her to a specialist for a consultation? What if they want to do tests, do we have to agree on that? Or what about immunizations? Sorry for all the specific questions but my ex is doing as he please with everything and I'm not sure what he is supposed to be discussing with me.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

Joint legal means Dad has some say in a little of everything.

It would help if you clarify what exactly you have. Whatever each of you do, it does not necessarily have to be mentioned in the order. If you move if the kid is changing schools that may be an issue. All this should have been addressed in the order if there is one.

Full custody does not mean the custodial parent can dicatate what Dad does, and you still have to be careful about moving. Basically if its not in the order, either parent can probably do it.

 

wendythewriter
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 12:39 PM

I'm not sure, exactly. I've always had full custody of my kids, so I only know the basic outline of joint. With moving, it's kind of common sense to a degree - you can move out of one rental home into another (or buy a home), if you're not changing her school district or moving out of town, but you can't move to another county, state, or change the school district without talking to him. As far as the medical, I do know that if it's an emergency situation (appendix bursting, car accident that they need to operate right now), you don't have to wait for his approval, but I'm not sure beyond that. 

The best advice I could give you right now, because I don't know what state you live in nor am I a lawyer, would be to talk to a lawyer in your area. They'd be able to tell you more clearly what the "rules" are and if he's breaking them. 

Quoting Anonymous 1:

 So is it a "violation" if he begins taking her to church or teaching her religious things without discussing it with me? What about if I were to move but it wouldn't affect the schedule, the only thing it would change is her schooling and the school she would be attending is ranked better? What about major medical - does this include taking her to a specialist for a consultation? What if they want to do tests, do we have to agree on that? Or what about immunizations? Sorry for all the specific questions but my ex is doing as he please with everything and I'm not sure what he is supposed to be discussing with me.

Quoting wendythewriter:

Yes. Joint legal custody means you need to work together to make decisions re education, religion, doctors, major medical treatment (you can take to the doctor for a cold or a check up, but you can't just decide alone to have tonsils removed or something like that). It also means you can't just move without talking to him. 

Sole or full legal custody means that you are the one making the major decisions alone. I have sole legal (and physical, in my case) custody. I can make any and all decisions regarding my kids and it doesn't matter what my ex thinks. If he were a part of their lives, I could choose to hear him out if I wanted, but I would have no obligation to compromise or do what he wants. The only thing you may still have to do with full/sole legal custody is getting an okay to move - that could interfere with visitation and such, so you might still need either his okay or a judge's okay. 



Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 12:47 PM

 What exact custody do you have in your order?

Dad does not need to clear everything with you on what he does with the child regardless of the order. If you can prove he is harming the child that is a different story.

As far as religion. it is very unlilely a court is going to interfere here. Is the religion Dad practices extreme or totally opposite of what you teach the child, if anything? My kids are baptized and raised Catholic. I am not. I do take the kids to a Christian non-denominational church when they are with me and my court order specifically says I can. Even if it wasnt there, my kids are still going to a Christian church on my time so its not a big deal anyways. Now if I was teaching them Islam or JW that is another story.

Start figuring out what is worth fighting for and maybe its time for you and ex to go to mediation to get more specifics put in the order.

 

Quoting Anonymous 1:

 So is it a "violation" if he begins taking her to church or teaching her religious things without discussing it with me? What about if I were to move but it wouldn't affect the schedule, the only thing it would change is her schooling and the school she would be attending is ranked better? What about major medical - does this include taking her to a specialist for a consultation? What if they want to do tests, do we have to agree on that? Or what about immunizations? Sorry for all the specific questions but my ex is doing as he please with everything and I'm not sure what he is supposed to be discussing with me.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

Joint legal means Dad has some say in a little of everything.

It would help if you clarify what exactly you have. Whatever each of you do, it does not necessarily have to be mentioned in the order. If you move if the kid is changing schools that may be an issue. All this should have been addressed in the order if there is one.

Full custody does not mean the custodial parent can dicatate what Dad does, and you still have to be careful about moving. Basically if its not in the order, either parent can probably do it.

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 31, 2014 at 1:03 PM

 I have joint physical and joint legal however we are going back to court (very long story). I am requesting primary care but wasn't sure if me having full legal custody is a possibility. We are NEVER on the same page. I've tried discussing the differences and he tells me he's gonna do whatever he wants and I can't do anything about it.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

 What exact custody do you have in your order?

Dad does not need to clear everything with you on what he does with the child regardless of the order. If you can prove he is harming the child that is a different story.

As far as religion. it is very unlilely a court is going to interfere here. Is the religion Dad practices extreme or totally opposite of what you teach the child, if anything? My kids are baptized and raised Catholic. I am not. I do take the kids to a Christian non-denominational church when they are with me and my court order specifically says I can. Even if it wasnt there, my kids are still going to a Christian church on my time so its not a big deal anyways. Now if I was teaching them Islam or JW that is another story.

Start figuring out what is worth fighting for and maybe its time for you and ex to go to mediation to get more specifics put in the order.

 

Quoting Anonymous 1:

 So is it a "violation" if he begins taking her to church or teaching her religious things without discussing it with me? What about if I were to move but it wouldn't affect the schedule, the only thing it would change is her schooling and the school she would be attending is ranked better? What about major medical - does this include taking her to a specialist for a consultation? What if they want to do tests, do we have to agree on that? Or what about immunizations? Sorry for all the specific questions but my ex is doing as he please with everything and I'm not sure what he is supposed to be discussing with me.

Quoting Oliviasmom72:

Joint legal means Dad has some say in a little of everything.

It would help if you clarify what exactly you have. Whatever each of you do, it does not necessarily have to be mentioned in the order. If you move if the kid is changing schools that may be an issue. All this should have been addressed in the order if there is one.

Full custody does not mean the custodial parent can dicatate what Dad does, and you still have to be careful about moving. Basically if its not in the order, either parent can probably do it.

 

 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 31, 2014 at 1:05 PM

 I'm being told a few different things -1)  if the school is ranked better than I can do it without his permission but I must give him a 60 days notice 2) if the move won't affect the schedule then I can do it without his permission but I must give him a note 3) We have to go back to court in order for me to move/change schools.

Quoting wendythewriter:

I'm not sure, exactly. I've always had full custody of my kids, so I only know the basic outline of joint. With moving, it's kind of common sense to a degree - you can move out of one rental home into another (or buy a home), if you're not changing her school district or moving out of town, but you can't move to another county, state, or change the school district without talking to him. As far as the medical, I do know that if it's an emergency situation (appendix bursting, car accident that they need to operate right now), you don't have to wait for his approval, but I'm not sure beyond that. 

The best advice I could give you right now, because I don't know what state you live in nor am I a lawyer, would be to talk to a lawyer in your area. They'd be able to tell you more clearly what the "rules" are and if he's breaking them. 

Quoting Anonymous 1:

 So is it a "violation" if he begins taking her to church or teaching her religious things without discussing it with me? What about if I were to move but it wouldn't affect the schedule, the only thing it would change is her schooling and the school she would be attending is ranked better? What about major medical - does this include taking her to a specialist for a consultation? What if they want to do tests, do we have to agree on that? Or what about immunizations? Sorry for all the specific questions but my ex is doing as he please with everything and I'm not sure what he is supposed to be discussing with me.

Quoting wendythewriter:

Yes. Joint legal custody means you need to work together to make decisions re education, religion, doctors, major medical treatment (you can take to the doctor for a cold or a check up, but you can't just decide alone to have tonsils removed or something like that). It also means you can't just move without talking to him. 

Sole or full legal custody means that you are the one making the major decisions alone. I have sole legal (and physical, in my case) custody. I can make any and all decisions regarding my kids and it doesn't matter what my ex thinks. If he were a part of their lives, I could choose to hear him out if I wanted, but I would have no obligation to compromise or do what he wants. The only thing you may still have to do with full/sole legal custody is getting an okay to move - that could interfere with visitation and such, so you might still need either his okay or a judge's okay. 

 

 

 

brieri
by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 1:57 PM

 it is not so much as if the new school district is better than the one she is going to, but rather is it a public, school or a private school?.  If private, he has some same say in to that especially if she has been going to public all this time.

It's hard to define what jurisdiction you are moving to, bcause no one here knows what city  and state you live in and to what city you are wanting to move to.  If your just moving across town, then there is no reason to go to court over this, as all you have to do is provide him with your new address and phone number.

As far as joint vs sole custody - there is still the dependency if he has visitation - and whatever he decides to with your child on his visitation (such as going to a specific religious church), you cannot dictate how he lives his life. Even if a Judge states that - he cannot override a parent's responsibility.  BTDT

Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 2:14 PM
2 moms liked this

Probably no chance of full custody. He is too involved for him or the courts to assign that. Be realistic. Just because the school is better ranked does not mean its in the kids best interest to move its stil a big adjustment for the child. You cannot just switch schools though. It sounds like you want more control and that may not be possible Dad is allowed to be a Dad..you have joint. The courts are going to be really reluctant to change the status quo. Are paying all these attorneys really worth what may be the same result in the end?

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)