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this might be the right group to post this....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 15 Replies
Why is it that some lady's say there man comes before there kids and there happy with that. Okay well no hate but I just can't wrap my head around it so what if the husband cheats is he kicked out then your kids are first again? Or your out looking for another husband to replace I'm confused I always tell my boyfriend my kids come first no matter what he's shocked he heard that but he needs to know it
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 6, 2015 at 3:34 AM
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Callaly
by Jessica on Jan. 6, 2015 at 8:04 AM

My daughters needs are number one, but keeping a health relationship is number one too just in a different sense. I heard that you need to put your Husband first in order to make it work, you of course need to care for your kids, but eventually your kids will move out and start their own life..

krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 8:40 AM

I think there is a fine balance that has to be made. Yes the kids come first in their needs, but that does not mean that they come first in their wants.

Example:

Needs: Kids schooling, food, housing, safety etc come before boyfriend.

Wants: Kids still harbor hope that mom and dad may get back together so they don't want mom dating someone new. Mom knows there is no chance and would like the opportunity to move on. Mom's wants are allowed to trump kids wants.

wise.toes
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 9:41 AM
2 moms liked this

if i were married to the father of my children, our relationship would come first.

that doesn't mean my children would be neglected, but it means i put a concerted effort into a healthy relationship with the man that will still be there after my children grow up and move on in life.

since i am a single mother, my children come first before any future relationship. this doesn't mean i will neglect a potential boyfriend, but they take priority since they were there first, so to speak.

Frances0923
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:37 AM

My grandparents would say this. Completely understandable. My grandmother will say that her husband (my grandfather) was there before my mother and will be there after my mother will be out of the house married and raising children of their own. That doesn't mean she loved my grandfather more. It just meant that she NEVER forgot her husbands needs just because she became a mother. Mistakes alot of woman make like letting go of themselves and etc.. 


DS needs were/are my first priority. But that is not why ExDH and I seperated. hats another story lol

moosesmom
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this
This exactly. Well said wise.toes!

I think many people misinterpret this statement.


Quoting wise.toes:

if i were married to the father of my children, our relationship would come first.

that doesn't mean my children would be neglected, but it means i put a concerted effort into a healthy relationship with the man that will still be there after my children grow up and move on in life.

since i am a single mother, my children come first before any future relationship. this doesn't mean i will neglect a potential boyfriend, but they take priority since they were there first, so to speak.

Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Kids should always come before a boyfriend. Too many women stay with guys who treat their kids like shit.

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jan. 6, 2015 at 7:43 PM

I believe children should come before a boyfriend. Even they grow up and move on, they will always take care of the one who took care of them (atleast in my family this happens)

ame4c
by Group Admin on Jan. 6, 2015 at 8:12 PM
I believe God comes first then my husband then the children. This works because you should be a team with your husband and dealing with kid issues as a team. So really the kids are high priority but it is handled as a team. When you marry someone you become one in the eyes of God. I can see where this might be confusing if not fully explained and may seem like you are putting your husband above yourself and your kids. The family unit is just that a unit. No one is more important than the other. Husband and wife are the team that leads the unit.
brieri
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:18 PM

 If I was married to the children's father - yes that would be a true he would be first.  However, now that I am divorced and my children were still minors - my children would be first before any man.  But from my ex-h viewpoint he thinks his wife is first - which is sad point of view towards the children.  Because the children won't get anything from him should he die first - all things would go to his wife and this particular issue - she would give everything to her son and nothing would be left for his own children - except if he had that all in writing - who knows.  Tthis is a reason, I don't  get married because even though my children are adults and gone - doesn't mean they aren't first in my life.  BTW I am in a relationship - but my children are still first in my life.  It's a complicated life.

LifeCafe42
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:41 PM
2 moms liked this
A steady healthy relationship is important to have so I think both are important but I do feel a lot of women rush into relationships and do stupid things because of a man and forget their child's needs
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