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He Broke Up with Me Because of My Kids

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:35 AM
  • 22 Replies

I have been dating an amazing guy for six months and he suddenly broke up with me. We had a long talk last night and he basically said he doesn't feel he can take on the role of a step-dad. He was basing his feelings on his last serious relationship that went bad because he didn't feel a connection to his girlfriend's girls like they were his own and didn't know where to draw the line with discipline. He is very much a strict disciplinarian. He has been around my kids (ages 8 & 5) very little. I feel like he's scared, still having issues with the breakup of his last relationship (which was more than two years ago) and does have the capability to make a great step-dad. I'm torn between letting the relationship go even though we both are crazy in love or pushing for him to get to know my children better with the possibility of him resenting that or it not working out in the end and it hurting the kids. Anyone have experience with a situation like this? What did you do and what was the outcome?

by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
krisnkids
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:43 AM
8 moms liked this

Pushing a man to be more involved with your kids is the same as pushing him away. He has to choose to have a relationship with your kids for any long term relationship with you to work out.

Frances0923
by Silver Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:30 AM
2 moms liked this

You need to let him go. My SO accepted my son right away from the moment I introduced them which was about 8 months of us dating. Never "push" a man towards your kids. If he's willing to end the relationship instead of trying then there's nothing you are fighting for

booscomputer
by Bronze Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:34 AM
5 moms liked this

I think he's using your kids as a reason to get out and, if that's the case, then wish him well.  If you are not a strick disciplinarian, then you don't want one with your kids.  My opinion is that the step parent shouldn't be doing the disciplining -- especially when they were not in the childrens' lives when they were very young.  There is a reason you have not had him around your children ... follow your gut.

Oliviasmom72
by Gold Member on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:53 AM
1 mom liked this

Sorry but you really cannot blame him. Many people do not want to deal with other peoples kids. You have to realize this guy is not the guy for you if he cannot accept your kids. There is no fix. Unless you send the kids to live with their other parent (which would be terrible) your kids come first. Sorry for your heartbreak.

Callaly
by Jessica on Jan. 6, 2015 at 12:30 PM
3 moms liked this

You need to move on. He doesn't want to be step dad you cannot force that on him, it was only 6 months and thank him for being honest and not leading you on.

Someone out there will accept your kids and accept that you are a mother.

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jan. 6, 2015 at 7:57 PM
1 mom liked this

You have to accept that not all men are into someone else's children or even children. Don't look for a man for a possible step father for the children. Let one find you, and if he is the one you will know and it will bring completion of family.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 8:00 PM
3 moms liked this
You need to move on. I don't underst why you would let your children form a bond with him when it probably won't work out. That's really unfair to your kids. I know it's hard but kids come first.
ame4c
by Group Admin on Jan. 6, 2015 at 8:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Yep its time to move on. A good man will know you and the kids are a package deal and if he loves you he will love your kids too as they are part of you.

He sounds like he's not ready for another relationship anyway. He's still having issues with his last breakup then you are the rebound girl. Move on and find someone who will love all of you.
wise.toes
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 9:06 PM

let it go. he's trying to tell you he isn't interested in being a stepdad. let him have his completely understandable opinion and be grateful your kids weren't attached to him.

*i* have kids and i am not interested in dating a man with kids. but i already know this because i dated someone with children. =)

woodstock525
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 10:47 PM
2 moms liked this

Move on...this is a sign.  My SO dated several women after his divorce.  He was engaged to one who had a child and broke it off with him because she felt he was too strict with her 3 yo.  That made him a little gun shy.  Then he met another woman with two boys who invited him to stay the night right after meeting him.  When he overheard her two boys talking about how they thought he'd make a cool dad, he felt trapped and ran away from that relationship.  Trust this man's instincts and know that based on what he's said, he would not make a good step-dad for your kids.

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