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Visiting their dad

Posted by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 4:47 PM
  • 18 Replies
Advise please moms: My SO and I split April '14. We have 2 boys together 14 & 9. When we first separated my youngest would go over every wknd. My oldest didn't care so much. Now neither of them want to visit. I had to force them to go to Christmas. Well, 4 months ago their dad decided to cut his CS in half and then last month he decided he would stop paying until a judge orders him to. He doesn't call the boys, doesn't ask for visits and when they did visit for Christmas he was hardly home. He left them home alone. He won't sign divorce papers and won't agree with anything I say. His son molested my son 2 yrs ago and he doesn't care to leave them alone together. I told him when he could better supervise them then they could go visit. Also, since he doesn't pay CS I haven't even asked the boys if they wanted to visit him and he hasn't called them, one FB msg.. Hey if you ever want to cone over just call. Umm, ok.. I am filing for divorce this month. I will do my hardest to rack his ass in court just for the reason of him going back on his word and things we agreed upon.. Am I right in doing this? If not, what should I do? Can I do anything better? Thanks ladies!

Michelle Davis

Have a Great Day & May God Bless <3

falling_leaves

by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 4:47 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jan. 6, 2015 at 5:09 PM

If his son molested your son then i'd not want them over there anyway, especially if he isn't going to be home. I wouldn't force the kids to go over there either. When you file for divorce also make sure you get full custody, they will then make him pay child support anyway. I'd bring up the molestation thing and that he hasn't really cared for visitation and you will have no problem basically getting your way. Honestly I feel the kids are at an age they can decide to go or not. I believe in most states, kids who are 12 or older do get to completely decide for themselves. If he really wants nothing to do with them and they don't care to go, then he could always sign over his rights. Sorry you are going through this. Divorce and visitation crap sucks. Me and my ex husband had to do parenting classes and draw up this "parenting plan" and all that crap. Now years later he doesn't even see our daughter. She's better off for it though, though she says she misses him sometimes. (its been a year since she's seen him and she is only 6)

michelledavis
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 6:26 PM
I do plan to get full custody of them. He has a new GF and already PG. He is thinking more about her than his other kids. There are precautions that are to be set in place when my son is around his but they don't happen. I haven't let them go back over there since I found that out. I have always left the choice up to them whether or not the wanted to go and however long they wanted to stay, but nit any more. I will just wait till we go to court and see what the judge sets up.
Quoting Anonymous 1:

If his son molested your son then i'd not want them over there anyway, especially if he isn't going to be home. I wouldn't force the kids to go over there either. When you file for divorce also make sure you get full custody, they will then make him pay child support anyway. I'd bring up the molestation thing and that he hasn't really cared for visitation and you will have no problem basically getting your way. Honestly I feel the kids are at an age they can decide to go or not. I believe in most states, kids who are 12 or older do get to completely decide for themselves. If he really wants nothing to do with them and they don't care to go, then he could always sign over his rights. Sorry you are going through this. Divorce and visitation crap sucks. Me and my ex husband had to do parenting classes and draw up this "parenting plan" and all that crap. Now years later he doesn't even see our daughter. She's better off for it though, though she says she misses him sometimes. (its been a year since she's seen him and she is only 6)

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Jan. 6, 2015 at 7:21 PM

was cps ever involved? 

woodstock525
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:16 PM

I would say at this point since he's not asking, wait and see what happens when you go to court.  I would not be surprised though if he goes for visitation or shared parenting if your state determines CS based upon the amount of time a parent spends with their child. 

I would hope that the molestation was documented.  If not, judges hear so many molestation charges come up all of a sudden during divorces that they tend not to take it seriously unless it was specifically documented by an outside agency like CPS. 

Child support will be determined by the courts and you can usually get a temporary order established prior while your divorce is in process.

LifeCafe42
by on Jan. 6, 2015 at 11:43 PM
This exactly good luck

Quoting woodstock525:

I would say at this point since he's not asking, wait and see what happens when you go to court.  I would not be surprised though if he goes for visitation or shared parenting if your state determines CS based upon the amount of time a parent spends with their child. 

I would hope that the molestation was documented.  If not, judges hear so many molestation charges come up all of a sudden during divorces that they tend not to take it seriously unless it was specifically documented by an outside agency like CPS. 

Child support will be determined by the courts and you can usually get a temporary order established prior while your divorce is in process.

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cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Jan. 7, 2015 at 1:15 AM

Keep a record of every time you talk to him, the kids talk to him, when the kids see him, and when he sends money. This will all help when you take him to court. Is there documentation about what his son did?

booscomputer
by Bronze Member on Jan. 7, 2015 at 10:32 AM

Go to Court and get your child support paid through the county -- obviously you cannot trust this man.  He should be paying support because your children need a home, food and clothing whether there is a court order or not.  Do it quickly.

Callaly
by Jessica on Jan. 7, 2015 at 11:47 AM
1 mom liked this

CS and Visitation have nothing to do with eachother. But I wouldn't force my kids at that age to go anywhere they didn't want to.

This is why its so important to get a CO for EVERYTHING, so that this stuff doesn't happen. my ex didn't want to pay CS until it was removed from his pay checks automatically.. now he is paying back pay out of his bum!

michelledavis
by on Jan. 13, 2015 at 8:49 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes, all of the sexual content was handle by CPS. He was required to be in a inpatient facility for 9 mo to get the help he needed. Bit even after he came home my SO acted as of nothing ever happened. I have filed for CS thru Child Support Services. We are required to take a parenting class before I can get the court date scheduled for the divorce. I do have both of my boys in my care 24/7. I take care of ALL their needs. When the court date is set I will rack his ass in court just for the way he treats his boys. I have all the documentation that is needed...
nebraskamomto2
by Angela on Jan. 13, 2015 at 1:28 PM

 There are a lot of issues here.  First get a temp order for child support so that you're getting financial support asap.  The divorce will take months so get it done asap.  Also, type up when he has or hasn't taken visitation with the boys because if they don't want to go, and he isn't there with them anyway, you don't want them going any more than they have to.  My kids are 14 and 9, and don't like going to their dads either.  Lastly, if there's any sort of molestation going on or that's occured, that's a huge deal.  Was it documented?  Did the child go into counseling?  For that reason alone, I would fight my ex having visitation or put it in the divorce decree legally, that his son can't be around your children.  Just remember, it may be tough right now, but you'll get through it and your kids need you to stay strong :)

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