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What do you do after it's over(or basically over...)???

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

WEll we've been seperated for over two months now. Just waiting for the divorce to go threw and dealing with court and custody and everthing... 

But wandering what you do after divorce. Wandering how you move on and meet new people when you were a stay at home mom for almost four years. and have no friends at all... 

I'm going threw divorce stuff and child custody stuff but i'm feeling more lonely every day... I have no friends at all because of how my life has been was a bad marriage and I can't drive don't have a drivers license(never got one, wasted a lot of my life on bull crap) trying to get back on my feet and get my license and find a job. Living with out my kids, (the father has permiary residental custoday as of now) trying to get primary residental custody. but i'm feeling so defeated all the time now. (Deperrision probably.) I'm on medicine for it but I'm not sure it's working, not really sure if it's that or what... 

But I'd still like to know what a mother is suppose to do when she's in my situation and has no real friends and just feels like her life is totally shit all the way around and is wandeirng if she's just suppose to feel at everything... 

How do you move on and make something of yourself when you have nothing at all, and no friends at all either? 

I feel totally lost right now and i'm just having one of those days where I wander why i even got out of bed at all today.... Could really use some advice or kind words(like dose it really get better or i'm just screwed all the way around for life) 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Mar. 15, 2015 at 7:46 PM

 Yes your life will get better but only if you put effort into making it better.

Did you leave an abusive marriage?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 8:04 PM


Quoting virginiamama71:

 Yes your life will get better but only if you put effort into making it better.

Did you leave an abusive marriage?

Well I'm working on making it better. I'm living with my parents, trying to get a job and trying to get my license, and a car, etc.... but it's not easy but it seems like no matter what happens, I can't get ahead for anything... 

Well i'm not sure if you'd really call it abusive, because he wasn't really that bad, but there were times when he'd get really angery and hurt me (or try to) and there was plenty of fighting... and he was more foucsed on his work than anything to do with me or the kids at all... acted like he didn't care at all about me... and I spent most of my time alone with my kids(after a while that gets down right depressing.) 

So yeah I hope that awnsers your question.... 

But yeah I guess I'll keep trying to make it better , even thu i'm not sure how to exactly... but thank you. 

virginiamama71
by Carrie on Mar. 15, 2015 at 8:29 PM

 What have you done so far to try and get a job? Do you have to get a learners permit and take classes before trying for your license?

Quoting Anonymous 1:

 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 Yes your life will get better but only if you put effort into making it better.

Did you leave an abusive marriage?

Well I'm working on making it better. I'm living with my parents, trying to get a job and trying to get my license, and a car, etc.... but it's not easy but it seems like no matter what happens, I can't get ahead for anything... 

Well i'm not sure if you'd really call it abusive, because he wasn't really that bad, but there were times when he'd get really angery and hurt me (or try to) and there was plenty of fighting... and he was more foucsed on his work than anything to do with me or the kids at all... acted like he didn't care at all about me... and I spent most of my time alone with my kids(after a while that gets down right depressing.) 

So yeah I hope that awnsers your question.... 

But yeah I guess I'll keep trying to make it better , even thu i'm not sure how to exactly... but thank you. 

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 15, 2015 at 8:40 PM

Well I've applied at jobs I search for jobs all the time, I've tried for weeks to go out to the local temp againces, but haven't made it there because of whether and car problems and then I was sick last week and recovering from that. it just seems like one thing after another... and it's not easy for me to get anywhere or do anything because my parents have been having a lot of car problems and it just seems like i don't have relable people to count on.... 

Well I currently have a permit and no I don't have to take classes to get my lisence, I just have to go take the driving test. 

Quoting virginiamama71:

 What have you done so far to try and get a job? Do you have to get a learners permit and take classes before trying for your license?

Quoting Anonymous 1:


Quoting virginiamama71:

 Yes your life will get better but only if you put effort into making it better.

Did you leave an abusive marriage?

Well I'm working on making it better. I'm living with my parents, trying to get a job and trying to get my license, and a car, etc.... but it's not easy but it seems like no matter what happens, I can't get ahead for anything... 

Well i'm not sure if you'd really call it abusive, because he wasn't really that bad, but there were times when he'd get really angery and hurt me (or try to) and there was plenty of fighting... and he was more foucsed on his work than anything to do with me or the kids at all... acted like he didn't care at all about me... and I spent most of my time alone with my kids(after a while that gets down right depressing.) 

So yeah I hope that awnsers your question.... 

But yeah I guess I'll keep trying to make it better , even thu i'm not sure how to exactly... but thank you. 



moosesmom
by Silver Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 11:36 PM
1 mom liked this
When we initially separated I felt relieved. I didn't skip a beat. Maybe because it was a long time coming. The marriage was physically draining. Between that time and the divorce we started spending more time together and it went bad again. When we divorced it took it hard. It's weird because I was okay the first time. I cried off and on for YEARS. A few years. And then I started doing things I used to do. I accepted invitations to hang out, picked up old hobbies...

It DOES get better. Sometimes it's hard to envision that because society seems to push this timetable on us. As if we should move on within a specific timeframe. That's not how it works though. But eventually you come out on top.
moosesmom
by Silver Member on Mar. 15, 2015 at 11:37 PM
What's a typical day like for you?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 15, 2015 at 11:42 PM
Why didn't you get your license before you split? I would never divorce if it meant losing my kids.
cjsmom1
by Group Admin on Mar. 16, 2015 at 3:08 AM

Right now you need to focus on getting yourself together. The first step is getting your license and then getting a job. You have to find a job that doesn't require you to rely on other people taking you everywhere you need to go. Since you've been unemployed for so long look into things like babysitting, childcare worker, etc since you have been a sahm. Apply for everything and anything because being picky isn't an option right now. Once you can show steady employment it'll be easier to find a better job.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 16, 2015 at 7:33 AM

Everything is still fresh. Don't give up. Give yourself time. I am almost a year into what you are going through and still dealing with a lot of it but emotionally a lot better. Really focus on getting your license. Let that be your first goal. It gives you independence and will help tenfold. If you have anxiety about driving their are special courses for people that have anxiety over driving. As for the friends part, oh my gosh, their is a whole world out there full of people happy to be your friend. Start with mothers of your kids. Try confiding a bit with one you trust and get some support that way. Once you drive offer to carpool and that is the surest way to gain a lifelong friend. Ask for their contact and text them a friendly text now and then, it works wonders. Try and get off mess as soon as you can. May go to a health food store and ask for something natural, it may help better. Sometimes depression medication makes you feel worse. Exercise or at least walk, join some local class, you may quickly find a friend there. Also, seek out counselling, talk therapy will help you problem solve and work out your goals. I wish you the best of luck, don't give up...

superdivamom727
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:59 AM
3 moms liked this

JUST KNOW IT DOESNT RAIN FOREVER !!! IT WILL GET BETTER JUST CONTINUE TO PRAY , GET OUT BED AND MAKE IT  YOUR PRIORITY TO KEEP A SMILE ON YOUR FACE NO MATTER WHAT !!!! EVERYTHING WILL COME TOGETHER! BE STRONG AND PATIENT!!!

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