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Did your child go through anger when you broke up with his father?

Posted by on May. 17, 2015 at 12:46 PM
  • 11 Replies

Lately my daughter has been experiencing a lot of anger toward her father, and I'm pretty sure it's related to our divorce. She's been talking to me and to friends about how she's been feeling, but I'm wondering if that's enough. She's having a hard time forgiving her father for moving on, moving out and feels like she has no place in his life now.

What is the best course of action? Should I get her into counseling?

by on May. 17, 2015 at 12:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on May. 17, 2015 at 12:49 PM
My boys were babies when our relationship ended, so all their lives all they know is that dad is not Around.
by Anonymous 1 on May. 17, 2015 at 12:51 PM
by Murdoc's Mistress on May. 17, 2015 at 2:50 PM

Counseling might work.  Help her sort out her feelings and maybe have a more open communication with her father so he is aware of how she feels.

Kiddo was just 3 when we split up.  She hasn't seen him since.  He disappeared shortly after the split.  She isn't necessarily angry, but she feels he's utterly useless.

by Carrie on May. 17, 2015 at 5:34 PM

 Yes I would try counseling.

I signed my son up for a group in his school when I divorced.

by Anonymous 2 on May. 17, 2015 at 6:53 PM
It doesn't currently seem to be affecting him, but only time will tell... It will probably get worse the longer his father doesn't make contact with him.
by on May. 17, 2015 at 6:56 PM

 How long ago was the divorce, recently? 5-10 yrs? longer?.  Counseling maybe, if recent, but if longer than a 5 yr timing, then I recommend she try to get in touch with her dad and talk to him herself.  She can forgive him far better than talking to some stranger who has never met her father..  A Counselor tries to wean a child away from old feelings, and say "forget him, forget him, forget him".  She can forget him over time in the sessions.  She'll never be able to forgive him for her old wounds.  It takes long time to get to know someone overtime.  A Counselor is there temporarily.  Family is always there.  Father is a part of her family.  They can become close like a father/daughter over time.  Can't do that with a Counselor.

by Silver Member on May. 18, 2015 at 11:24 AM
My kids definitely did. One thing that helped is time. Eventually a new normal began to emerge, as my kids got used to not seeing their dad everyday anymore.
by Group Admin on May. 19, 2015 at 1:00 AM
1 mom liked this

Have her talk to the school counselor and see if that helps. Let someone who isn't directly involved in the situation give her advice. Reassure her feelins without bashing her dad.

by Anonymous 3 on May. 19, 2015 at 12:05 PM

My daughter's doesn't really know her father. It's been over a year since he last saw her. She is still young and he has never been in her life consistently. 

I would agree with the counseling. 

by Bronze Member on May. 19, 2015 at 1:28 PM

My daughter was much happier when we divorced in the short term. Not having us yell and her feeling like she had to take sides when we were together weren't things that I wanted her to see in a relationship.

She can get sad at times, but I'm always there for her and thankfully, her father and I can act better now than we did when we were married. She's gone through the phase of wanting us to get back together and then deciding that having two dads would be better to her (I have no idea why my daughter wants to marry me off ... she's only 7...something on the lines of her wanting a sibling).

I believe that counseling can help IF it's a good counselor. Unfortunately, it's a hit or miss with counselors. I hope you find one that will help with your daughter get through this.

It's really best to acknowledge and understand where your daughter is coming from. Validating her feelings and that she has the right to her feelings will help. Also, teaching her ways to deal with anger is very good. Anger though a powerful emotion shouldn't be feared nor surpressed. Figuring out why she is angry and what things she could do to make herself feel better will go far.

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