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single and pregnant?

Posted by on Jun. 2, 2015 at 1:08 PM
  • 11 Replies
Hello ladies. I'm 23, a single mom of a 2 year old that is my world! I found out last week I'm pregnant and the father has pretty much said he will financially do his part and pay child support and nothing else. He wants to go to the appointment this month to actually verify the baby but he doesn't desire to raise it. I'm pretty freaked out at the idea of being a pregnant single mom and then raising the baby myself too. For the record, I won't abort and I'll contemplate adoption if I feel it is a good option for me. I'm not looking for advice. I just want to know if anyone has a similar situation and how they are feeling about it.
by on Jun. 2, 2015 at 1:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CoLLeGeMoM214
by Member on Jun. 2, 2015 at 2:11 PM

Well consider yourself lucky that he is at least accepting financial responsibility and is up front now instead of after you had the baby. My unborns childs father is locked away in a psych ward so I cant depend on any income from him but also cant afford to raise 2 kids (I have an 8 y/o daughter from previous relationship) by myself. I wrote down the pros and cons of adoption and pros and cons of parenting to help me decide (they leaned toward adoption), and I still cant say I have reached a final decision. Being a single mom to ONE kid is hard enough, I dont know if I could handle doing so with 2, and most ppl will tell you to suck it up. but they arent the ones that are going to have to suffer through everything ALONE.

The hardest part for me, is bc before I found out my childs father and ex-bf had bipolar depression and psychosis, was off his meds, and ended up in the psych ward (third time this month) we had decided to parent so we did announcements, I have a crib, stroller, clothes, and was ultimately preparing and excited for this child, so thats the hardest part for me. Having to let go of the notion that this child will be mine if I give the child up for adoption. But I also have to think about what kind of life this child would have with a financially broke and struggling, stressed out single mom, who is working fulltime AND in school, and a dad who is mentally and financially unstable and a possible danger to  him (when he was in the psych ward the second time, he was screaming about the devils baby coming).

Obviously, your situation is much more clear cut. What are your worries? It sounds like it is mostly the physical and emotional part you are worried about? Do you have a good job? Your own place How does your support system look? I think those are the things you should think about.

kitcal78
by on Jun. 2, 2015 at 3:23 PM

 Sounds like same thing my son's father did.  Well kinda did.  Make a decision that best interest you and your soon to be child.  I have help from immediate family mom, brother/SIL and sister.  Realize this will be you and two children.  If you think you can handle it with only the financial part of it with the father keep the baby.  Make a decision where you know it won't haunt or leave an empty feeling in your heart.

grammieann
by on Jun. 2, 2015 at 3:58 PM
2 moms liked this

My own daughter is a birthmom who placed her first child for adoption nearly 10 years ago. This is a deeply personal and individual decision, but it was best both for my daughter and her child, as she and the birthfather were not ready to raise a baby and their relationship was not healthy. She is now married with two little ones and another on the way, but her firstborn will always have a very special place in her heart. She is blessed to know she gave him life, and that he is being raised in a loving home. No advice - just one perspective. May God bless and guide you, sweetie. Take good care, ok? grammieann

clz0213
by on Jun. 2, 2015 at 6:11 PM
I went through a very abusive and awful relationship with the father of my oldest. My concerns with this definately relate mostly around personal. I have feelings for him and he was involved in mt daughters life. Now he wants to run like this baby isn't happening. I don't have family, just a very small support system that i know will help but i don't want to just be someone's burden. Part of me thinks that the father will come around because he's just freaking out right now but i won't make excuses for him either

Quoting CoLLeGeMoM214:

Well consider yourself lucky that he is at least accepting financial responsibility and is up front now instead of after you had the baby. My unborns childs father is locked away in a psych ward so I cant depend on any income from him but also cant afford to raise 2 kids (I have an 8 y/o daughter from previous relationship) by myself. I wrote down the pros and cons of adoption and pros and cons of parenting to help me decide (they leaned toward adoption), and I still cant say I have reached a final decision. Being a single mom to ONE kid is hard enough, I dont know if I could handle doing so with 2, and most ppl will tell you to suck it up. but they arent the ones that are going to have to suffer through everything ALONE.

The hardest part for me, is bc before I found out my childs father and ex-bf had bipolar depression and psychosis, was off his meds, and ended up in the psych ward (third time this month) we had decided to parent so we did announcements, I have a crib, stroller, clothes, and was ultimately preparing and excited for this child, so thats the hardest part for me. Having to let go of the notion that this child will be mine if I give the child up for adoption. But I also have to think about what kind of life this child would have with a financially broke and struggling, stressed out single mom, who is working fulltime AND in school, and a dad who is mentally and financially unstable and a possible danger to  him (when he was in the psych ward the second time, he was screaming about the devils baby coming).

Obviously, your situation is much more clear cut. What are your worries? It sounds like it is mostly the physical and emotional part you are worried about? Do you have a good job? Your own place How does your support system look? I think those are the things you should think about.

Rin300
by on Jun. 2, 2015 at 6:27 PM
While I agree with adoption, I'm thinking you both of you knew what birth control was, right?
clz0213
by on Jun. 2, 2015 at 6:44 PM
Yeah this is a birth control baby. Js. We were being safe

Quoting Rin300: While I agree with adoption, I'm thinking you both of you knew what birth control was, right?
seahorsebaby
by on Jun. 2, 2015 at 11:08 PM
I am a single mom to a 4 month old and his father is not involved at all, not even financially. We're struggling bad right now but we just take it day by day.
clz0213
by on Jun. 3, 2015 at 7:12 AM
I'm sorry. I was with my ex when i had my daughter but he never worked and he spent a lot of money on his addictions. When he was home, he didn't help and was just an added stress.

Quoting seahorsebaby: I am a single mom to a 4 month old and his father is not involved at all, not even financially. We're struggling bad right now but we just take it day by day.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Jun. 3, 2015 at 11:26 AM

Does the father have a good career and is he financially stable?  Are you finished with your education and employed?   Raising 2 kids is MUCH harder than one--you are outnumbered from day one, 24/7, you never get a break!  Add in a full time job and it is easy to get overwhelmed and start resenting your kids.   I was 22 when I had my first child but I graduated with my BA from a University when she was 3 weeks old.   I have had a good career and was able to support myself on my own.

My ex was a  $12/hour line cook that paid $200 per month CS for years and never saw his daughter.   We struggled for awhile, but I would have given up his lousy $200 for him to actually want to see his daughter.  She is now 23 and he never calls/txts or even sends a birthday card or Xmas gift.    

On the upside, I am in my late 40's and child free---I do have a great job and my freedom from child raising at an early age!

grammieann
by on Jun. 3, 2015 at 4:26 PM
1 mom liked this

I just read your update, and I wanted to encourage you to believe that - in addition to doing what's best for your baby - it's very important to empower yourself as a woman.  Too many of us settle for relationships that ultimately leave us in situations where we feel insecure or powerless, especially when children are involved.  I believe you deserve more than that, and I hope you do, too. <3

If you haven't already, you might look into counseling, especially if you think there are unresolved issues from your past that may have led you to become involved with unreliable men.  At the very least, I hope you can find a mature female mentor who can help you discover and develop your unique abilities and interests.  You'll not only benefit yourself, but you'll be doing all you can to be a strong and positive role model for your daughter.

Hugs & prayers,
grammieann

Grammie to 2 precious girls 

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