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Needing support with a break up

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:24 PM
  • 11 Replies

I've been divorced 3 1/2 years from my 8yr old's dad.  I got into my current relationship 3 years ago.  At first it was great (typical) but as time went by I realized how imcompatible we are.   My goal is to be married again and have another child.  But I know I would not have a good marriage with this guy.  He thinks love is enough but we argue all the time about major dealbreakers.  I've tried ending it  several times but I cave when he persists and I miss him.  But this time i can see clearly we are not a good match.  I do miss him and it's hard to cut all contact.  I just have an idea of what kind of marriage I want and I would not get that with him.  My son is attached to him and that makes it even harder.  So I'm running the risk of not remarrying but it would be worse to be in another unhappy marriage because if it's this hard now I can only imagine what it would look like.  I'm just dealing with the dissapointment and heartbreak that this didn't work.


by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Carrie on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:27 PM

don't be afraid to be alone.

booscomputer
by Bronze Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 1:35 PM
2 moms liked this

If you are not happy at least 80% of the time then you should get out of the relationship -- it's really just that simple.  Quite frankly, if it's not 90% for the first 6 months then bail because it's not going to get better after the honeymoon period.  BTW -- you don't need to be married -- if you want another kid then have one -- you don't have to involve a man except peripherally.

coloradomom1984
by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 2:06 PM

Thanks for replying.  I agree that I should be happy the majority of the time or else it's not worth it.  It's better to hurt for a bit over missing him then deal with a bad marriage.  I would not have a child outside of marriage however because I am Christian and that would go against my faith.  I also do want the companionship and unity that a marriage provides.

Quoting booscomputer:

If you are not happy at least 80% of the time then you should get out of the relationship -- it's really just that simple.  Quite frankly, if it's not 90% for the first 6 months then bail because it's not going to get better after the honeymoon period.  BTW -- you don't need to be married -- if you want another kid then have one -- you don't have to involve a man except peripherally.


Aster302516
by on Mar. 23, 2016 at 1:01 AM
1 mom liked this

I can understand how you feel and it's certainly wise not to marry when you're not sure about the relationship. Have you considered speaking to a marriage counselor in your situation? If you think it would be helpful, Focus on the Family has free licensed counselors that you can call at 1-800-A-FAMILY. A friend of mine found them very caring and encouraging. I just said a prayer and I wish the best for you. Hugs!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 23, 2016 at 1:07 AM
What are the reasons for not wanting to stay? My dh and I argue frequently. Now, most of our problems stem from his parents but my dh had to make a lot of changes. Just basic things that involves being an adult. There were times I wanted to throw the total in but I stuck it out. Marriage isn't all roses and sunshine. It's for better or for worse, through richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...
booscomputer
by Bronze Member on Mar. 23, 2016 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this

You're right, that's why you don't marry someone who needs too much fixing.  There is a top for every pot -- you don't have to settle for the wrong fit.  Not saying you did but I won't marry another boring introvert or settle for a mama's boy again.  Lesson learned.

Quoting Anonymous 1: What are the reasons for not wanting to stay? My dh and I argue frequently. Now, most of our problems stem from his parents but my dh had to make a lot of changes. Just basic things that involves being an adult. There were times I wanted to throw the total in but I stuck it out. Marriage isn't all roses and sunshine. It's for better or for worse, through richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...


msdefensediva
by on Mar. 23, 2016 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this

It is worse to be in a bad marriage. It is time for you to start loving you and spending time with you. If there is someone out there for you they will come. It is now time for you to be your main priority. Do not live in the wonderland of being married again, learn to love you for you and that special person will come to you.

Shai4710
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2016 at 4:05 PM
Yeah I would leave that situation alone. If you know it's not working now, then you'll know that later too.
CoLLeGeMoM214
by Member on Mar. 28, 2016 at 2:21 PM

I know the feeling. HUGS. You and your son will be OKAY. Think of all the good things you have going for yourself!

coloradomom1984
by on Apr. 4, 2016 at 6:19 PM

There are major differences in faith which is my biggest concern.  He has shown signs of anger too.  We don't like the same things or doing the same things.  He doesn't make gerat choices with his money as well.   I was married to my sons dad for 10 years so I know marriage is not all roses but it shouldn't be constant bickering either.

Quoting Anonymous 1: What are the reasons for not wanting to stay? My dh and I argue frequently. Now, most of our problems stem from his parents but my dh had to make a lot of changes. Just basic things that involves being an adult. There were times I wanted to throw the total in but I stuck it out. Marriage isn't all roses and sunshine. It's for better or for worse, through richer or poorer, in sickness and in health...


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